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Feeling very low - keep having screaming fits at my DH

4 replies

slightlybonkers · 06/04/2011 16:45

Feel very down, have horrible worry and anxiety that things will just get worse and worse. Every few days I seem to blow up at my DH who I have come to feel quite bitter towards.

Background is we rent - DH doesn't want to buy even though we could afford to. Current rental is in a nice area but have horrible neighbours who have complained to landlord (we have the same landlord) that we make too much noise. I have 2 DS - 5 yr old & 1 yr. old. Ever since DS2 was born they bang on the wall EVERY TIME he cries. In the middle of the night when i'm trying to get him back to sleep they bang on the wall. When I switch on boiler in the morning for central heating they bang on the wall, as the sound of the boiler annoys them. They blank me on the street and give me dirty looks. They are a childless couple in later 20's / early 30's and are german, apparently German children don't make any noise. Previous rental was an apartment, we moved in when I was pregnant with DS1, everything fine but the place needed repairs - landlady never wanted to do them. After 2 years landlady wanted to increase rent from ?1250 a month to ?1600 a month. When we refused she sent us an eviction letter. When we protested her husband put property on internet and organised viewings!!! Whole thing was insanely stressful - landlady and her husband made snide comments to me around this time which i found v. upsetting. We want to a tenant-landlord dispute tribunal but the arbitrator was a frienmd of her dad. Both local solicitors.I am convinced we are about to be evicted again. I think i would probably kill myself if we are because I really feel that this is no way to live.

I gave up a good job to come back to ireland to live. When DS1 was 5 months old I started a new job here - it was a complete disaster and I was let go after 9 months - contract not reviewed. This plays over in my head a lot about what a failure I am as the job was quite well-paid and by now i could have bought a house myself. Since then I have been working part-time for the last 3.5 years for crap money but am always convinced I'm about to be fired etc. I also live in dread of people finding out about job that didn't work out.

That would be a small selection of the things I torture myself with - also about how horrible I look, i'll be a failure as a mother like i am at everything else, hatred of the way I look extends into how the house looks and how shit i am at keeping it tidy. I went to my GP about all this about 3 years ago who referred me to a psychiatrist who said there was nothing wrong with me I am on the "normal" spectrum & suggested therapy. No NHS here so no way i can afford therapy. I could go back to my GP but feel I have actually gone beyond that. DH keeps his finances seperate so no access to extra cash. I don't drive so this also makes things less easy to organise. Presumably this stems from my childhood was bullied from 8 years and really unhappy in primary school. Parents always ignored this and were happier for me to be at home and miserable than out and "up to mischief". Was quite academic so think they thaught I'd become a lawyer or something. They are a bot bemused at my current situation but never mention it.

OP posts:
GetDownYouWillFall · 06/04/2011 20:53

Hi there - you do sound incredibly stressed. I am amazed your DH doesn't want to buy a place if you can afford it - why is this, is he scared of something? Seems you are wasting money renting, in a place that is making you unwell with stress and worry.

What horrible neighbours to bang on the wall every time you make a slight noise. You can hardly help it if your DS cries in the night, I'm sure you'd rather he was quiet too! Maybe they can't have children or something and are really bitter.

It strikes me that you really really need to find a new place to live, and soon. Rent another place if need be for the time being. Yes, it will be stressful to move in the short term, but you can't stay where you are you really can't.

Your DH doesn't sound very supportive. Why does he keep his finances separate?

Sorry about the job that didn't work out, but this does NOT mean you are a failure. I'm sure everyone has experiences like that at some point in their lives. You can't be perfect all the time.

It could be that you've got worse since 3 years ago and may well now be depressed. I would go back to the GP, maybe see a different one if you can.

clutter · 07/04/2011 10:00

I totally agree with GetDownYouWillFall. Also you can have free therapy through your GP and there are a lot of charities who ask you to contribute what you can to therapy sessions if the waiting list is too long.

I totally agree that something has got to change though. You must feel so helpless but you are really compitent to have two children and have a job which you ahve done for 3.5 years. Everyone experiences setbacks in their career and often employers admire it when people have had a job that has not worked out but they can find positives in the situation. Look at what you learned from the job (perhaps you found part of the environment didn't suit you or you prefer working alone/in a team).

I know from experience that looking at a positive when you are at rock bottom takes more energy than you have at the moment but you can cling to the fact that at some point it will be better. Just by writing the above list and asking for help means you hope it will improve and if you have hope that is the best starting point you can have.
I hope thing improve for you, I really do. x

divedaisy · 07/04/2011 18:15

If I were you I'd print off your post and show it to your GP. You need to speak to someone about how you feel, however they may not be able to do anything about your living conditions, but may help you in other ways to help you with your anxiety and stress.

Nothing is worth taking your life over - it is too precious.

I'd INSIST on seeing a different Psychiatrist for an opinion. And don't hold back on saying how you feel - it's how it is impacting negatively on your life that is causing you such emotional stress and trauma.

You sound such a strong and capable woman here. Keep talking xx

freebreeze · 07/04/2011 22:18

I agree with all of the posts above.

You do need to move again - your neighbours are so horrid, get away from them.

You do need to go back to GP and get some help. There's no shame in getting some medication/counselling to see you through bleak times.

Put your old job behind you. We all have difficult times in our working lives. Well done to you for carrying on and getting another job. You are a capable and brave women - getting on with it day after day, even if you do feel pants.

HANG IN THERE. As my mother always said, 'Things have a habit of working out'. Your circumstances WILL change in time. Pls don't give up. Keep on keeping on. Bless you xxx

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