Cant do this anymore

[bittersweetvictory]

Income support has stopped all my benefits for no reason, my autistic sons paper work has been lost by ESA ( doctors note, letter to say why he had to leave college etc ) so he is getting no money apart from DLA which goes on a befreinder so myself and my mentally ill autistic son is trying to live on £53 a week carers allowance, i thought i was getting better but this has knocked me sideways ( im on ADs and anxiety med ) for the first time ever i feel like putting my son into care and ending it all, i know i am entitled to income support as i cant work because i have to be here for my DS and get a carers allowance topped up with income support, i got a lone from income support last september and noticed last week that it should have been payed up but money was still being taken off so i phoned them up and they told me that they were due me overpaid money and that it would be paid into my account and that my next payment ( due today ) would be for the full amount but instead got a letter saying that my money had been stopped. Im away down to see the personal adviser at the job centre to see if she can get it sorted but im having panic attacks feeling dizzy and sick and feel as though im being punished for phoning the benefits office to point out their mistake, sorry for the rant but i had to get it off my chest ( which feels as though it is being crushed by a ten ton weight ) i have given up every thing to be a carer for my disabled son only to be treated like shit.

I'm sorry that I don't know much about the system so can't really help, but just wanted to say that there is also Citizens Advice Bureau. Try and sit down and take deep breaths. Have a cup of tea. You need a clear head. I don't fully understand from your post what has happened, but it seems plausible that this is a mistake?

Dontrun
PS Hope I don't come across as too bossy, just trying to help. You 'sound' from your post that you may be catastophrising (my CPN's forever saying that to me....)

thanks for replying dontrun and you are totally right i have been catastrophising ( had to look it up lol ) i have seen the personal advisor from the local job centre and she sorted it all out for me with a couple of shouty phone calls to the income support office which is in another town, she also contacted the ESA and they have surprise surprise found the missing paper work so hopefully i can get back to normal ( whatever that is ) again but it has given me quite a shock to react like this because i honestly though i was getting better so hopefully this is just a blip.

I'm really glad to hear that it's all sorted. In a funny way, perhaps you can take it as a positive thing that it's served as a warning sign to try to look after yourself (easier said than done)? All together now: "Always look on the bright side of life.."

Bittersweet, hang in there. You said your son has had to leave college, so I'm guessing you're at that tricky nearly-19 stage between school and adult? If so, I can promise you it will get better. I work with adults with LD and we do our best to get people settled in their placement whether it be residential, independent supported or whatever! hormones are still zipping around your son, but they will settle down as will his behaviour over the next few years.

I'm just a care worker, but actually am very happy where I work and there are vacancies. Pm me if you'd like to carry on that line of conversation.

As he is still at home with you, it may be hard to find out where you can get support from because you're not surrounded by more experienced colleages. AFAIK, your son will need a Care Manager, usually a Social Worker, who will work with you and him to assess his needs and find a suitable placement. Unlike school age, it's in SS best interests to find the best adult place for your son (that includes at home with you btw) as it's more expensive to move people than to just get it right first time! Adults only move when their needs change or they make a request.

If you and your son choose a residential or supported living placement, you will be encouraged to remain his advocate, have control of his finances etc. Where i work (which is my first with adults, was children and young people previously) we have an open door policy for family and friends, and if someone rings to say they're visiting I instantly scrap any plans for the day to make sure it happens. I encourage my dudes (currently got 2 men there) to ring home, go out for a walk/coffee, choose what brands of shopping we have (I do the cooking according to the weekly menu they've chosen so I choose the actual product, they choose what type iyswim) - as much independence as possible.

If you choose for him to live at home, they will support you with that - respite, home care, whatever you need. As I said, cheaper for them to get it right first time, total opposite of the C&YP teams!

HTH

Thanks dontrun, I think i reacted like this because of all the crap ive had from income support in the past, they way they treat you is though the money is coming out of their own pocket, and with my DS claiming ESA and them losing the paperwork just sent me into overdrive because part of the income support is housing benefit and a reduction in council tax so when they stopped it ( still dont know the reason why ) i imagined eviction and all sorts of stuff, its not as though i dont want to work, there are actually jobs to be had in my town but it would cost me an absolute fortune to pay someone to look after DS ( about 5 times what i could make in an hour ) so its just not possible but im loving the new word "catastophrising" because it just sums it up perfectly.

And thanks purplepidjin, DS had to leave college ( working towards employment course ) because he was getting bullied and was so anxious and unhappy that he wasnt sleeping or eating, we tried him on medication for his anxiety but he still couldnt cope so i left it up to him and he wanted to leave so he is now at home and a lot happier, we decided to keep him on the ADs ( myself and GP ) in case any other stressfull situations arise ( he is on a very low dose of cipramil drops as he cannot swallow pills )
We do finally have a very good SW who is looking into supported employment at an internet cafe which has not long opened in our town which is for giving young people with learning disabilities a chance to work supported and he is very good with computers but all the paperwork hasnt been filled in yet as this happened fairly recently and everything happening at once just got on top of me, DS is happy at home and im happy to have him here but if he does in the future want some more independence i would go along with his wishes, he is quite mild mannered and shy usually, he just gets really upset when anxious, im the only person he makes eye contact with and talk to without stuttering ( apart from his big sister who is now living away from home studying psychology at uni ) so hope fully every thing will fall into place.

Aw, he sounds like a fantastic lad! Just keep in mind that once it's sorted for him, it'll stay sorted. Adult services are very different to child services ime (you still get bad and good SW's but it sounds like you've got one of the many decent ones)

I hope things improve for you. My Dad was on the old incapacity benefit for quite a few years until he retired. He'd worked bloody hard for years, but he got treated as if he was a lazy scrounger when he became ill. He would have loved to work, and being on benefits really got him down. Anyway, I don't know why I'm waffling on really. Just to say I have seen the 'system' at work, and have seen how it can often be very hard on those that need it so I can appreciate why you panicked.

Oh for pete's sake, did that sound patronising? Sorry, I didn't mean it to at all. Euch, just ignore me! I'm having a bad day/week/month/life.

Dontrun, it IS shit when you feel you should be capable of contributing but can't for some reason like illness.

However, I work with people whe need residential for whatever reason and once the right provision is in place, it stays there. Which I hope is reassuring for the OP and anyone else in the same position.

I thought the opportunity to rant and not be judged was the point of MH and SN boards?

No, no, no, I didn't mean it that way! See, I said to ignore me, my head's in such a mess I can't even get my point across. I was talking about how bittersweet expected the worst of the benefits system because they tend to treat people like crap. I wasn't surprised that she 'catasrophised.' Crap, I'm in floods of tears now, I didn't mean to upset anyone. I'm off to bury myself somewhere.

Dontrun, don't run away. I'm sorry I misinterpreted you

There are varying levels of need according to the individual situation. There shouldn't be blame attached to anyone who either takes or gives to the system - like your Dad. Unfortunately society attaches a stigma to anyone needing help, and some workers, usually the ones in an office not the front line, demonstrate that in their dealings with vulnerable people.

Sorry for that outburst. I've taken some medication and had a nap. I was trying to distract myself from how low I'm feeling by trying to be useful on here. My reaction has made me realise that things are worse than I thought. Sorry for taking over your thread, bittersweet. Didn't mean to!

you havnt upset anyone dontrun and you were not patronising at all, i appreciate your input so please dont feel bad, you summed it up for me with the catasrophising thing, in fact its helped me a lot and im away back to my relaxation exercises and hypnosis cds as they have helped me in the past, i think yesterday was a wake up call to look after myself better so i can continue to care for my DS, the catasrophising thing was just exactly what i needed, in fact it is now my favourite word which will serve me as a boot up the arse the next time i start to panick and get every thing out of proportion.

Yes purplepidjin, thanks, he is a great lad but just so shy and has hardly any confidence left due to the bulling at college, he kept it to himself for 3 months trying his hardest to fit in ( i feel guilty that i never noticed sooner )
I have a brilliant SW now, she is quite young and this is her first job in SS, i think she just finished uni last year, so she is eager to do her job properly and is up bang up to date on all the services available and has a budget to spend on her clients so i feel a lot better now i have someone on my side but to get her i had to complain about his last SW who was assigned when he was passed over to adult services, she came to the house once, never even looked at DS never mind try and talk to him, we filled in some forms and the next thing i knew she had closed the case, without even asking me and despite me asking for a carers assessment, to say i was angry is an understatement so i flipped and complained to her boss by Email, phone and letter untill i got a new one, i still get angry when i think about it and i know most SW are not like this but how dare she close the case when all this stuff was going on and i needed SS more than ever ( sorry for rant but it makes my blood boil )
there are a few options available but with it all happening recently all the paperwork hasnt been done yet as new SW is making sure she gets everything right after our last experience.