Depression?

[GoldenHaze]

I don't know whether to go to my GP or not. Does this sound like depression to you?

• Tearful almost constantly
• Aggressive to family
• Can't face social siutations, and when I do I'm a gibbering wreck and on the verge of tears
• General sense of failure, deep sadness, despair and sometimes a lot of anger?

Thanks all.

.

Yes yes and yes. This does sound like depression to me. (Takes one to know one) Can you say how long you have been feeling this way. Could it be PND. Whatever you are describing some of the classic symptoms of depression. I advise you to go to your GP and discuss your symptons and you will probably be prescribed medication or referred for counselling or both. So sorry you are feeling this way - it's a truly horrid illness and there will be lots of support for you on these threads.

Thanks NanaNina. DD's nearly three so it isn't PND. I suppose I've been feeling like this for a couple of months, but it crept up on me and is getting worse.

I'm scared I'm pushing everyone away, well DP anyway (I'm steering clear of friends at the moment, which is turning me into a lonely, stupid idiot). I just can't talk at the moment. All I can do it cry and shout. I hate myself. I don't know why I'm being like this. I get so angry that I just want to punch something, which isn't like me at all.

I'll make an appointment to see the GP. Thanks again for your reply.

Go. Get on the phone at half eight and make an emergency appointment. When you get the appointment, cry. A lot. Embarassingly; and get snot on the doctor's jacket if possible.

Sorry, but you sound like you need some help and if you put a brave face on it, they will take you at face value.

They will most likely do some kind of questionaire type thing with you, make sure you're honest - do NOT make the best of the situation!

hth (it's what I should have been told 18 months ago in a similar situation!)

Thanks purplepidjin. I'll go in a speak to them. I can't put on a brave face anymore, and that's why I wondered if this is depression, rather just a few bad mood days. I cry just speaking to anyone. Particularly if they're being nice, ridiculously!

Thanks again.

Braveface doesn't work. Counselling, support and medication do. Have you ever felt secretly pleased when someone confides in you? They trust you to keep their problems to yourself and give good advice - this works both ways. Pick one or two friends you know will empathise (if you want sympathy go look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis - it's about as much use as both) and ask their advice. Then arrange a time when you'll both have half an hour's peace and quiet and spill. No matter how pathetic you think you're being, how red your nose gets, or how many tissues you begrime. I find arranging to go to their house and turning up with cake/choccy biccies makes people very willing to listen

Oh, and nice is the worst. I work with people with learning difficulties and you'll rarely find anyone who is any good at it giving you a hug and acting all concerned after an incident, they know you need five minutes to pull yourself together and a big glass of wine after work!

OP, this sounds like me. But I keep telling myself I am a grown woman who should be able to handle things then I burst into tears and I am finding I am avoiding my closest friends because I have nothing positive to say to them. This has been going on for months now, today had a bit of a meltdown and turned to MN. I am scared to go the doctor because it will go down on my records but I need to do something. I just can't make any decisions at the moment, I feel like I can't afford to make any wrong decisions at my age. I keep reading about depression and I tick all the boxes but I can't face my GP as I know I will just breakdown.

How are you today ?

Oh Shivanjali - you too are describing depression. You really must go to the GP and it matters not one jot if you "breakdown" as in bursting into tears. This is exactly what I did with my GP and she had the tissues handy!
Why are you afraid of it being on your records. One in four people in the population suffer from depression at some time in their lives. It is one of the most common illnesses that people consult their GP about. I know that there is a stigma still around mental health issues and that is based on ignorance and the belief in madness, sometimes perpetuated by the media.

You know that you tick all the boxes so please please go to your GP and talk about your symptoms - write them down and hand them over if you are crying which you may well be. You will not be telling the gP anything he or she hasn't heard a hundred times before you know.

I have had 2 severe episodes of depression (the last one last Easter) and I am on the road to recovery but have a few ups and downs. The ADs helped enormously and stopped the awful suicidal feelings I was having. They do take 2 -4 weeks to kick in and they react differently on different people, so sometimes you have to try a couple to get the right ones. BUT the sooner you start the better and you may need counselling too, but when you are so low, you need something (ADs) to lift you enough to make the best use of counselling.

So will you please make that appointment and come back and tell us when you have.

Goldenhaze - have you made that appointment yet? Sorry to sound bossy but just trying to make sure you are going to get some help. No one knows how horrid depression is unless they have experienced it. Furthermore it is deceitful and tells us that we should be able to do something about it, which we don't feel in a physical illness.

I am sure you two young women will be able to support each other and thre will lots of support on here.

I haven't yet called the GP. I can't talk to anyone (apart from conversations like this) at the moment. I want to be anonymous. Don't know why. I just can't do it. I'm so pathetic and incapable. Very angry at myself.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I'll call and make an appointment.

I hope you're doing well now, NanaNina.

Hi Goldenhaze - you aren't pathetic or incapable, you are suffering from a depressive illness and this makes us want to hide away and not talk to anyone at times (I have been in this position many times) Think you said in your OP that you were pushing your DP away. Would he be able to support you and understand the illness if you let him? If so I think it would help if he was able to support you. Is there anyone in RL you can trust enough to talk about how you feel, if not please keep talking on here, and don't be angry with yourself. Depression makes us think things about ourselves that aren't true. It's one of the tricks it plays on us. How are you coping with your little girl?

You must do what you think is right, but you did say in your OP that it was getting worse, and that means that it will get more of a hold on you, and will be more difficult to treat.

Anyway take care and keep posting if it helps.

Thanks for your concern, have ups and downs and some of the bad days last for a week or so, but at least I know they will end and I will feel ok again. I am ok at the moment thanks. Thing is I am much older than you, and so it will take longer to recover. Not everyone who has depression has these ups and downs. I didn't have them after my first episode 15 years ago, but they are not that uncommon. They usually clear up quite quickly - I'm just a bit unlucky!

GP records are confidential. That means that only you and the doc can see them unless you give them permission. And no-one ever asks for permission unless they're another HCP helping you get treatment. So, you, the doctor you're speaking to, and maybe later on a consultant will see what treatment you're getting, whether it's breast cancer, depression or chlamydia!

Dp struggled to understand why i needed to take ad's until i put it like this:

Depression is a chemical imbalance, like diabetes. If I had diabetes, I would expect to change my lifestyle (healthy diet, more exercise, less stress) and take the right medication - insulin. So, depression is the same - I need to eat a healthy diet, do some exercise and take the right medication - anti-depressants - to keep the chemicals at the right levels.

Depression is an illness in exactly the same way as all the others. The main difference is on society's perception of it. We need to stop thinking "I'm going crazy" and start remembering "I've got a chemical imbalance in my body"

HTH

OP I was/am suffering from what you describe. I saw the GP 3 weeks ago and started a course of Prozac. The tears have stopped (I physically can't cry) however, I still feel awful. I'm not sure whether the medication is not agreeing with me but I just feel a physical pain in my stomach, you know the kind of feeling you get when you break up with someone? An ache of despair/loneliness/isolation. The thoughts I'm having are again of complete despair and self loathing. Although I wouldn't do anything silly, I really feel like I don't want to be here at all.

WIEBAST that is quite common in the first few weeks. I once heard it described as hitting rock bottom so you have a firm base to push up from. 4 weeks should be your cut off to start feeling stable, if not then go back to your GP. Do not just accept feeling crap there are many different types of drugs and they all work slightly differently.

That you are willing to share your experience on here shows you are a lovely person trying to help others

PP I didn't realise that was the case. I feel so horrible at the moment. I have booked another appointment with the GP so will discuss then, won't be for a couple of weeks though as i'm on holiday next week and he was fully booked this week.

Thank you for the kind words, I don't feel particularly lovely at the mo :(

BTW I've also posted on the menopause thread as it may be related to that and it's HRT I need not ADs.

WillIever - as purplep said, it is common to feel worse before you get better but if there is no improvement in 1 week I agree with purple that you should go back to the GP and get the meds changed. My friend had a similar experience on Prozac and went on to citalopram and this made the world of difference to her. You really musn't suffer like this, because there are a lot of different drugs and they work differently on different people - oh sorry - have just realised that I am repeating what purplep said! I am on one of the old fashioned tryclics which seems to suit me. So sorry that you feel so bad - depression is a horrid horrid illness and no one can understand unless they have experienced it themselves. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to be here - I have not yet recovered fully from a severe episode of depression last Easter - have ups and downs - more ups than downs but on the down days I feel exactly as you describe. It is horrible because depression tells us lies about ourselves that we believe.

Golden Haze and Shivanjali - how are both of you?
Have been thinking of you. NNx

NN Yes I will definitely go back to the GP. It's good to get other people's experiences, makes you feel less isolated. You are right, depression is horrid. Unfortunately it's not like having a broken leg that everyone can see, that would be easier to explain. You can't go around telling everyone your troubles and it's hard sometimes to keep up a facade. I find myself wanting to stay more and more within the confines of people who know and understand (close friends and family) and shy away from other social situations.

Thanks for your support, much appreciated x

NEWBIE HERE.
Hi, I too believe I have depression. It's in the family (both parents), and I've had post natal depression (4 years ago). I have these episodes (like GoldenHaze and Shivanjali have described).
I argue constantly with my husband.
I shout at my darling little girl.
I find it incredibly hard to make and keep friends
I pretend to be outgoing and confident, but am not and desperately want to make friends with people.
I have been on antipressants before and do no want them again.
I drink quite a lot to try to numb my feelings and have started smoking again.
I too want to strike out and hit something constantly, but know it will not help or make me feel better.

I just wish most of all I could make some friends (I moved here a few years ago, but don't have any real close friends.). I hope to make some friends here on Mums net and maybe I can move on to new friends locally.

Mollymoo, the first thing to realise is that you are already self-medicating by drinking. Except that, rather than having an experienced GP monitor you and know the long term effects, you are using alcohol in the same way which we know has some pretty nasty side-effects. The "Brave Babes Battlebus" would be a good place for you to look at on here, as it's a support thread for people in a similar situation.

With the friends thing, I find that they can sense my underlying anxiety and that puts people off - I gabble, over-share, and come across as desperate. When my head is on straight I don't gabble or try to move things too fast and, being more independent, am a far more attractive prospect iyswim. I don't know if that's similar to your experiences?

Parts of MN, like in here, are very supportive, other parts (AIBU, chat) are a bit more of a free for all so be aware of where you're posting - I find AIBU hilarious to read but rarely post there!

I'm currently signed off from work with stress and depression, and going to see my GP was the best thing I could have done. After 18 months of putting a brave face on things I finally completely lost it at work. My manager was really supportive and told me to go home and make an appointment with my doctor... I felt like a total failure, like I'd really let everyone (particularly my colleagues) down.
NanaNina is completely right. It took me a long time to realise that I was actually ill, but now I'm feeling loads better and looking at going back to work soon. Work were fab as well and are letting me go back part time to begin with to see how I get on, but I'm actually feeling the most positive that I have in a couple of years. :)

Thanks for your help purplepidjin,
Excuse the ignorance but what is The "Brave Babes Battlebus"?
And AIBU ?
Thanks MollyMoo

Golden, I have you symptoms and more, have done for a few years now. It was only by chance today that I broke down to my gp. As you, I just couldn't hold the brave face today.

Please speak to your gp.

Brave Babes Battlebus is for people who have concerns about their drinking

AIBU stands for Am I Being Unreasonable and can be brutally opinionated honest!