I'm completely lost...

[toblerown]

I know something is not right.
I feel as though all the windows are blurred, I have no idea what is going on in the real world. I'm feeling detatched from the real world.
I can't sleep and I have terrible dreams when I do.
I feel I'm a bad mother to my children, I'm forgetful, I forget things for school, I forget to get the right food.
I can't be bothered to wash my hair, I don't feel like getting dressed most days and I wake up in the morning groggy as I think I only fall into deep sleep when it starts to get light outside. I could cry when I wake up and have to think of any little positive to get me through the day.
My DH doesn't understand and keeps saying I'll be ok, he is coming home from work and doing all the things I haven't done during the day. I forget to put the washing machine on, I forget to do the dishwasher. He never ever gets mad but there is so much strain on him.
I want to go to the doctors and tell them but initially it was all going so well after DD2 was born, they always said how laid back and contented DD2 was/is. She is a star, sleeps and never cries so why am I like this? I just don't even know where to start, some days are better than others but I feel like I'm lost everywhere I go.

The doctor is exactly where you need to go, today if you can tomorrow if you can't. Depending on how old dd is it may be PND or something else. But no, something isn't right and it sounds awfully like depression.

For the record mums with easy babies get PND just as much as mums with demanding babies - PND does not reflect on your ability to be a mum either, in any way shape or form

You are not alone... the only place you can start is a trip to the doctor - go on your own - be honest (will prob be the first time you have said a lot of how you really feel out loud) - you need help and support

I have suffered from depression for a while now, however a recent traumatic event in my life has brought the roof crashing down on me - I feel nothing, no emotion, empty, even when I think about my fantastic daughter

Yesterday I went to my Dr, broke down, told her exactly what is going on - she has upped my meds and sent me off for councelling. I feel awful but know things will get better and just need to work it through

You are not on your own - please go and see your Dr - drugs not ideal but in my case they absolutely worked the first time and I know will work for me this time around

Take care and update us on how you are getting on - hang in there
xxx

I agree that it sounds very like depression. Many of us on these threads have depression and you are describing some of the classic symptoms. It doesn't matter if you cry at the GPs - this is what I did the first time i went. PLEASE make an appt with the GP and say the things you are saying here. Depression makes us feel we want to cry, have no interest in life, can't be bothered to do the simplest things, as though we are looking at life through a misted window as you say.

I am always saying on these threads that I feel so so much for you young mums who are trying to cope with depression and children. Mine are grown with their own families and on bad days I can't cope with the cats! So it is going to be a real struggle for you. Your DH probably doesn't know what is wrong, but is trying his best to help.

I am reading a book called "climbing out of depression" written by a woman who has had depression. She describes it as feeling alone, that you are on an alien planet, been struck deaf, dumb, blind, are peniless and don't know what's wrong and since you are none of those things, no-one can see it.
That may not be how you feel but I certainly feel I am on an alien planet and under a dark raining cloud and everyone else is bathing in sunshine.

Sorry I am rambling a bit - bit please make an appt to see you GP and you will probably be prescribed ADs. They are not magic bullets but they do lift you so that you are more able to cope. They take 2 - 4 weeks to kick in and sometimes you have to try a couple because they act differently on different people, but I am sure they will help.

There's a young mum on another thread on here, very recent one - she too is a struggling mum with depression and young children (her nicname is I'mBrian) and something else but I can't remember. Just thought you could support each other.

Please come back and let us know how you are