look at it another way 444 - you were badly damaged by your experience. You have been recovering as best you can with the wounds in place and it has taken you this long to regain enough strength to deal with the original wounds.
You are innocent in this - someone else inflicted those wounds on you; you have done the best you could dealing with them by yourself and the help you have sought so far hasn't been appropriate for you - again, that is just one of those things. You have tried - it didn't work those times for whatever reason - but you are still trying and that means you have the strength to do this.
Different scenario entirely but I was with my first BF for 11y before he fecked off with an older woman, FGS! Some people might have regretted wasting those 11y on him, but I didn't, because they brought me some things that I otherwise wouldn't have had.
Your illness will still have brought you some things that are worth having, even if they are personality traits, coping strategies, compassion, whatever - so please forget about having wasted time - you've still done stuff, even though you've been ill. :)