Just a bit of a vent really, so apologies for the long thread, and if anyone has any tips on how to handle that would be really helpful.
When I was in my 20's following a divorce I had my first panic attack, I had a handful afterwards and suffered from heart palpatations for a while but they subsided after a few months.
It's now around 10 years later and I've started to have the panic attacks again, generally in work when all the attention is on me. I have a fairly decent job which intails speaking to groups of people on a regualr basis which I've always been pretty good at. So why this is happeneing now I don't know. My heart races, I hyperventilate, sweaty hands etc. To such an extent that I sturggle to continue talking. This is causing real pain and problems at work as a lot of my job is around chairing meetings, speaking infront of people etc etc. I've done this type of work for years and never had a problem before.
I've been to the doctors and been given betablockers to take when I know I'll be in a stressful situation or the situation might trigger an attack. But just a moment ago I went into a friendly meeting, with people i've know for years and 'bang' off it starts when I have to say something. I'm so embarrassed as it feels like I'm failing. It's a huge vicious circle as the more I worry, the more likely I am to have an attack, the more likely I am to have an attack the more I worry. I go through stages of getting really upset about it, then angry - I dont' know why this is happeneing, i'm normally a very confident, outgoing person.
I've had issues in my personal life of late that won't have helped, but they all started after I had my first panic attack recently. My home life is now settled and I'm happy - apart from work, I love my job but this is making me dread the mornings, as I don't know when they will strike. I'm on a waiting list for CBT councilling so hopefully that will help.
As I said, sorry for ranting, I just needed to get it off my chest.