My dh is a shed head

[sorrel]

every night he comes home from work, eats his dinner- usually while still reading a book ( reLated to his work) and then diappears off to his shed(where he has his computers etc) on the pretext of working.He then reemerges at midnight and goes to bed. All of this is apparently to do with getting ahead in work. I have so many objections I don't know where to start. my dd doesn't even know if he is home for one. he doesn't get paid for any of this extra time he puts in and i am left, after a full day of looking after dd to sit on my own. I have talked to him about this but it makes no difference- he will not discuss it. Feel so sad that our relationship has come to this. hope talking to you will help.

poor you. have a hug.
I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you, I'm sure someone will be along soon who knows what they are talking about. How old is your DD if you don't mind me asking? I have two DS's.

thanks becca. dd is 10 and adopted. She can easily understand that there is an atmosphere in the house. I just feel so abandonned.- but in a way i can manage him not being here all the time- but for dd it is terrible. Not one weekend has he spent any time with her this year- except on holiday- which of course involved bringing the laptop. he is so stressed that any kind of converation tends to end in him getting angry or storming off. i am so tired of not being listened to and anything i say being interpreted as hostile- or a way to sabotage him working. where are his priorities? I hate that we are now treated as hinderences to his agenda.

Hi Sorrel. I remember my mum and dad being a bit like this when I was just a little older than your DD is now.
Maybe your DD could ask him if you could all go bowling / laserquest/ cinema? something dads likes doing maybe? Make it every other Saturday. Or even if its just your DH and DD. You get some time to yourself then. Is your DH stressed with work and not realisig how you feel?
Sorry this seems all over the place and not in the slightest bit helpful. I hope someone else will come along and help you out soon.

thanks becca- i am just at the end of my tether- to me there is so much needed sorting out in our realtionship( he is oblivious)that the shed is a symptom rather than the problem itself. I just wish he could see it- or at least hear it when i point it out.

Would DH go to relationship councilling?
Or could you talk to them yourself and see if they have any good advice?
I can understand you are at the end of your tether.

becca thanks for your lovely message via cat.
i have just come in from an evening out with a friend and have come home to dh( on the beer) and i know he has been in the shed all evening( he is wearing his coat) and dd is in bed. i am raging now as he actually thinks this is Ok. i can't even speak to him as he has had several beers and will not hear what i say.
I feel like i am in the throes of the end of this relationship. I am too angry to even try and make him understand how his behaviour is irresponsble. I just don't know what to do any more.
I was so glad to get your email.

Have you got your family to go to? Maybe you could take a few days away from him. You may feel better too, as it sounds like he's dragging you down too much and not letting you help which is making you feel worse. One of those viscious circle things.
I'm glad you got my message and didn't mind me CATing you. Hope you get sorted soon.

gone to stay ay my mums.will talk soon.