Please help me

[MiniFeet]

Have namechaged and this is probably going to be an essay but I am just going to write how I feel today.

I feel weird I'm in a mess, I'm overweight and I look terrible.
I lock myself away all the time I avoid days out and get together. DH has bought me and dd's tickets for an arena tour next month and I can't stop obsessing about it I think I'm not good enough to go and that everyone will be looking at me. I am even thinking of pretending to be ill on the day so my dsis or dh will take them instead.
I don't go anywhere I was amazed with myself last week that I took the lo to the park, I was proud of myself for doing something normal people do all the time.
I need glasses but I wont go because I can't bear the thought of going in to the shop.
I almost started crying in the school yard yesterday because I felt like everyone was laughing at me and my dd. I just wanted the ground to open me up.
I have good days when everything gets done but on bad days like this I feel like I can't move my hands are jittery and i feel heavy and odd all I want to do is sleep.
I cut myself off from people and if I speak to someone I play it back in my head for days. I started talking to a Mum at the school and she was lovely but after a couple of days I started standing away from her because I thought I might be bugging her and if she wanted to talk she would come and talk to me.
I panic about everything growing old,dying,my kids growing up I even panic about been a good Grandmother and my kids aren't even in their teens yet.
I am so so fucked up and I can see it I know all the things I said above are just me being stupid but I can't stop doing it.
I feel like I am not good enough for anyone.
I just want to be normal please help me.

anyone?

Have you been to your GP minifeet ?
It sounds as though you are suffering from very low self asteem due to depression, your GP will be able to help with either councelling or ADs, i have felt like this in the past, cutting myself off from people, avoiding situations and playing conversations over in my head, i also get very anxious and worry about stupid things, imagining every senario possible but i find that the thought of doing something is worse than actually doing it, have you tried any relaxation or hypnotherapy cds?

I would also go to the GP

You sound more than just 'down'. Could you maybe pick up the phone to make an appt now?

Oh i can relate to feeling how you do.Certain thing's you have said resonate with me.
You poor thing i really think you need to make that step in the right direction and ask your GP for a therapy referral.
I was diagnosed with Body dysmorphic disorder last year and recently completed a 12 month C.B.T programme which really has helped me take baby steps with changing my life and how i feel.
Please dont let yourself live like this anymore .
You are normal just suffering a great deal at the moment.

You do sound depressed sweets. And believe me you are not the only one standing at the school gates wishing the ground would swallow them up.

As scary as it may feel, I think a good first step would be talking to a friend, health visitor or GP and telling them how you feel.

You are feeling like you aren't good enough because that is how your illness is making you feel - you are just as good as anyone one else and probably better than many. Depression distorts everything and we interperet every little thing to be our fault, or because no-one likes us, or because we are not good enough or don't deserve to be happy. It's not true and getting some support will, in time, help you see that.