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Original poster

Depression is fucking up my career :-(

16 replies

OFGS · 17/03/2011 20:42

I have always suffered from depression and anxiety, although - partly due to being quite 'high functioning' over the years - I have only recently come to recognise this about myself.

Since having my first child 6 years ago (I now have two children) I just seem to find work too stressful, which sounds pathetic as I type it Sad. I left my very successful job in the media after having my first child and suffering with PND, as I could no longer cope with the fast pace. I then went into teaching, but lasted just 6 months before going off with extreme stress. I retrained last year for another career, but have been unable to find work, so have returned to teaching. I am a month in to a 6 month contract and am sick with stress and anxiety already.

I just feel such a failure Sad.

On the outside I am a very 'together' person. I even manage to hide my true feelings from my ow family ost of the time. I just feel so ashamed and confused. Why can I no longer cope with work? It's not like I enjoy not working, wither. I hated being a SAHM and felt frustrated and lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
OFGS · 17/03/2011 20:43

'own family most of the time'

either not wither.

OP posts:
Newbeginning1 · 17/03/2011 21:43

I stupidly have nothing to say that could help at all but I wanted you to know someone had read your posts.

I'm in a very similar situation and I seem to have completely lost all of my resilience in the work place. Is anyone aware of your feelings at the moment?

Original poster
OFGS · 18/03/2011 07:20

Hi there.

Thanks for your reply.

Off to work in a sec, so will come back later, but at the moment, nobody really knows how low I feel. I am still very new at work and trying to make a good impression. My DH knows I would rather be working part-time, but I haven't been able to find part time work (although always looking), so full-time it is, which I am finding unbearably hard Sad.

I have a very hard day ahead, and am feeling burnt out Sad

OP posts:
Orangeflower7 · 19/03/2011 18:42

Hi there just wanted to say don't be too hard on yourself. Having children and teaching are both intense. I know teachers who jobshare and teach part time as they are aware any more would just be too much with children, for them..maybe it just makes you a sensitive conscientious type of person? Teaching and parenting are both jobs/areas where you have responsibility and it is not suprising you feel like that. I feel the same as you. I was teaching full time finding it stressful when I was preg with my first. I was trying to make a good impression too and ended up getting given a project I found stressful and which made some other more experinced teachers a bit distant and it was very hard. I took it to heart and I went off with stress and have since had another and have not tried again. I even get stressed in dcs school...and don't even want to contact the school to ask for a reference. Sorry not much help just wanted you to know you are not alone..it is hard when you put your heart into the intensive training and then don't continue. I just keep telling myself it is not just me when I feel guilty. I have thought about possibly doing some supply or working as a high level Ta might those be options, or a jobshare..

Also what ages are your children? The teachers I met who were finding it ok had school age children, they were teaching either .5 or .6 contracts so had some time off or to do planning on the other days. They were primary though.

Xenia · 19/03/2011 19:32

Are you taking any pills and having any therapy for it?

dontrunwithscissors · 19/03/2011 19:33

I just wanted to say I know how you feel as I have/am going through something very similar. It was only after having DD2, and suffering terrible PND that ended up with me in a mother and baby unit, that I finally received help. Are you on medication? I'm assuming not. I know it's been the only thing that's pulled me up. (I'm still struggling to a certain extent with this, as there's the possibility that I'm bipolar.) I'd encourage you to consider it.

Keziahhopes · 20/03/2011 15:47

Would you consider supply work if not able to find part-time teaching? Or keep applying for work in the other area you trained in?

Do you think it is working full-time that is the issue, or working generally or teaching (which isn't the most stress free of jobs, if any are!)? Have you been to your Gp to explain how you are feeling, to consider medication like others have suggested, which might help you.

ambarth · 22/03/2011 06:46

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you were unable to work because of a physical illness would you classify yourself as a failure? Depression is just as real as any other illness. It cann affect your ability to function. At it's worse you cannot do simple tasks like get off the sofa and make a cup of tea. Medication and therapy work well in most cases though.

ambarth · 22/03/2011 06:47

With the right treatment you will be back to work.xxx

ambarth · 22/03/2011 06:49

But don't worry about taking time out. It does not make you weak, lazy or a failure.

compo · 22/03/2011 06:52

Agree with the others that you need to be on the right medication and get some counselling too
also look after yourself
get some me time at the weekend
have a massage, go to lunch with friends
in a couple of weeks it'll be the Easter holidays

ambarth · 22/03/2011 06:55

Ant-depressants take two weeks to a month to lift you out of it. Like compo said, you could be functioning well after the easter hols. Long term, therapy can prevent relapses.

terrier141 · 22/03/2011 10:17

Just wanted to say - you are not alone - depression has fucked up my career too!
Its hard to deal with - constantly wondering why it is that i just cant cope!
I have read other peoples replies to your post and they all make sense and make me feel a bit better - but i know that every now and then i get a crazy idea that i could do a lot more with my life and then the depression takes hold again and i end up back to square one.
Even with meds i can only barely function - and dread work (part-time) - like yourself i am a highly educated and capable person if it werent for this bloody depression.
So you are not alone - i dont know what the answer is apart from dont set yourself unrealistic targets, accept that you are ill and try to make the most of what you can do. (All what i have been told - but so bloody frustrating!!)

mdavza · 22/03/2011 21:17

I can really empathise with your post! I'm a teacher too and it is incredibly stressful. I still get angry and upset when I can't cope with situations that others seem to fly through. Maybe they're faking it, too?!!
Good luckxxx

Fruitsmoothie · 23/03/2011 22:43

Sad I've been there, too, OFGS. It can't last forever. Can you get out of the house for even just a short walk or anything? Exercise is helpful, if you feel you can get yourself to do it. It sounds like you could desperately use a change of scenery.

Orangeflower7 · 24/03/2011 23:39

Ho OFGS how are ou doing now? Hope you are feeling a bit better. Not long till Easter hols Smile

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