Hair Pulling - I AM going to stop

[time2change]

Hello,

Got myself a fancy new name change because quite simply it is time to change.

I've been a hair puller for 17 years now, since i was 15. I pull from head, the top and the sides.

I have gross bald spots, some completely hairless if it's been a recent session, and some short downy areas.

I have managed to stop several times, I think the longest was about 5 months.

When I'm not pulling I feel fantstic, and the thought that I could ever even WANT to pull my hair out seems so strange and remote and daft really. Almost like a normal person. And then it will just side line me, and before i know it I'm oulling it all out again.

When I have stopped before I seem to get my self worked up about it all, inentionally scare myself that my daughter will start to do it, that the hair wont grow back, that my DH will leave me if it gets so bad. This seems to give the kick up the ass I need to switch the switch in the head that means, I don't really even feel the urges. It's strage.

When I dont have the urge it's easy. The days fly by. But trying to resist when I have the urge, that it the really really tough bit.

I do think I can change it by habit reversal and finding other coping techniques.

I do often muse if there is a tramautic event in my childhood that must be the trigger, and if I can deal with that then my trich will go away. But apart from this I am well adjusted,had a happy childhood.

I can still remember the first time I did it. I was sitting in English class, and we were talking about exams, and I was zoning out and examing my beautiful long blond hair. I found a black hair and didn't like it, as I had blond hair, so I pulled it out. No other reason. The root came out too, and I played with it, and then it came it a bit rank, so I pulled another - and so it became more than a habit.

If I hadn't pulled that first time, would I have this in my life - who knows.

Anyway - I am going to stop today. 14 hours and counting. Feel like I've switched the switch already.

If it's alright I though I might use this thread as a mini journal for my progress, and also to maybe help support others that are in the horrible cycle also.

So onwards and upwards and time to break free of this gruesome thing that has taken up far far too much of my life.

Like a crappy relationship, I'm going to kick it in to touch!!!

I do this too. My head is a mess. I have bald patches and have made my head bleed. The urge has been pretty constant over the last 15 years. If it's ok with you, I'll tag along on your journey.

(Can I add... my daughter has started to do it too )

Hi - I'm not sure whether to join you on this thread or the other one...

Hey Shockers,

How old is your DD ? Mine is 2.5 and she's starting to become interested in hair and also picking up a lot of our habits. The way we talk, phrases etc.

That in itself is motivation to stop.

Still no pulling today. It's been at the forefront of my mind so easier I think. Think I'll need to look into Buddhism and mindfulness concept.

Have you ever looked into any professional help shockers?

I have twice but first gp gave me a stress ball!!!! Second time I got told relaxation techniques. This was 15 and 10 years ago so wonder if I would get a better response now....

I have always been too embarrassed to ask but my old hairdresser did recommend a therapy clinic. I phoned them and just didn't get the right vibe from the chap I spoke to.

DD is 12 but she's probably been doing it for about 4 years. I find the hair under her bed but I've never actually seen her. She has a lot of emotional issues due, in part, to her early life (she is adopted), and does have other strange habits too. I think if there was ever a child likely to pick up on this sort of thing, it would be her IYSWIM?

I've just realised that I started to do this when we started fostering children. I wouldn't say that it was a particularly stressful time in the pressured sense... I enjoyed it immensely. I did have emotional stuff to work through though. Some of the stuff we read and heard, about the children we grew to love, was pretty shocking .

I have thought about hypnosis though....

Oops forgot about hypnosis. It's been a long 17 years!!!!

Didn't work for me. I didn't feel like I connected though, and definatley didn't feel like i was 'under'.

I remember enough that it was again looking to find a trigger event, and I genuinely don't think I have this. I can't identify anything that might be a source of it all.

Hmmmmm, more wondering.

I can understand what you mean about fostering being a pleasant pressure. The ability to help but also having to know the ins and outs of what the kids went through.

Right then. I will stop too. Well I'll try.

Have just worked out I've been doing it for 22 years

And have never tried to stop. Here goes.

I think we should coimes when we're not as likely to do it and try to fill our days with more of that stuff.

I don't pull as much when I'm reading as when I'm watching TV!

That should have said "consider the times"... pesky keyboard!

Your right shockers, I know times and activities that I'm much more likely to pull. I should try and stay away from these best I can , or if unavoidable go in with 'awareness'

Been at my night class ( fingers kept busy!!!!) and was having a think in the car. I do have a level of where I pull. Eg would do it in front of dh if I didn't think he was watching, but not do it if he was watching me , regardless of the urge. Would do it in a cafe, but not if I thought somebody was actually watching. I do it sitting in my office at work, but no way in a meeting .

So on some level, I do have control. So I need to master that control for all the other times don't I. I'd never thought of it all in that light , I had hid behind I can't control it, it's bigger than me. But that's not true.

That's quite a big revelation for me. I reduces my excuses to keep justifing why I do this when I hate it

Well done treetrunk, I think I've read before that the first step in resolving issues like this is to first have it on your radar, ie be open to making a change, so we've all done that as we here. First step complete.

No pulls today, and about to go to bed. Day 1 - DONE!!!!

Well done! I will start in earnest tomorrow. I haven't pulled at all tonighte been on the laptop. More MNing needed methinks!

Well done time2change - a great start .

I find keeping up with hair appointments and having it look as good as is possible really helps. I now treat myself to a good haircut and colour every 6 weeks and it looks so much better.

Again today so far so good.

Today a work day, so harder I think as I sit by myself just me and the laptop, and going over figures today. So got my head in my hands!!!

Absolutley no way Ashamed I could go to hairdresser. I have no hair on the top of my head!!!, I pull the front bit back every day in a clasp. Would say I could fool 90% of people, but to get it cut and have it wet etc. OMG I couldn't do it, not at the moment anyway.

I cut my own hair - Ha Ha, doesn't look that bad, honest, but long and straight, so nothing technical.

At my peak of 5 months pull free last time I got my hair cut short, and recoloured dark. It was nice, but once I started pulling again, I was too scared/ashamed to go back.

When (if) I can get to 3 to 4 months pull free, I'll book a cut. It's just the explaining of the weirdy bits I don't like. I usually lie and say I had a bad DIY dye job, and my hair broke off.

Just worked out that 3 months from today will take me to my little boy's 1st birthday - so thats a perfect date to have as motivation for a hair cut.

Thanks Ashamed! - got a date to aim for now.

Sounds like a great motivation time2change. I hope it works for you! It really is so limiting, trich. Mine is a lot better now but, when it was really bad, there was so much I couldn't do, like I couldn't go swimming, or go out when it was windy.

I found it helpful to phone the hairdresser ahead of time and just say I'd had hair loss problems and I was embarrased about coming in. I asked for an experienced hairdresser who'd be able to deal with that. I couldn't stand the thought of some teenager doing it and then laughing about me later .

Anyway...sounds like you're doing really well. You can beat this.

I have found most hairdressers to be very understanding. If I've had to change hairdresser, I go in ahead of time and speak to them in private. I don't think it's uncommon because all the hairdressers I've spoken to have some previous experience. I did cut my own hair last time though...I'd been stuck at home with a broken leg and had gone a bit mad. DH saw the mess I'd made and really went to town on me .

I try not to stand near tall people these days.

BUT....I haven't pulled any out today

Woo hoo, still pull free.

I have had to 'bring myself back in to the moment' as zoned and was playing with it. But managed to snap myself out of it. Reminded myself that I do have control, and asked myself if Dh was right there in front of me , would I do it? - no I bloomin well wouldn't . So have been using that technique so far.

Gave my self a little mini hair pamper session. Something I generally stay away from, as I don't think I'm worth it. But thought to myself as I looked at my baldy tufty bits, they can only get better every day, so this is the worst they can look.

Hope everyone else who's trying, is doing well.

I used to be a complusive skin picker, just to look at the photos of when I was a student turns my stomach. My recovery started when I went to my GP (never had chance to thank him but he changed my life) and admitted it. It took about another three years (9 years in total) to recover completely (I then swapped it for exercise addiction but that's another story) and now only very rarely when I'm stressed to I get close to a mirror.

It's sooooooo hard and people just don't understand but you DO have it in you. Good for you time2change.

Thanks Grumpy.

One week under my belt now! You can already see a very slight difference of things looking just a little bit more 'there' !

Grumpy what did the GP do that started you on your recovery?

Nothing really, he just made realise that firstly I had a problem and that secondly I wasn't the only person in the world who did it so it didn't feel like dirty secret IYSWIM. Slowly I came to terms with the fact that it was something I had control over. He just spoke to me like I had chicken pox or something and that made me think I wasn't potty because I'm not really, it was just a symptom of deep unhappiness and, yeah I'm not sure, it was weird, like an epiphany. :o)

I do this too - I pull my eyelashes out. When I first did it I used to also pull my brows but stopped within a year (no idea why or how I stopped) but I must have done it quite badly as they still look awful and patchy now. I recently started a thread about this here and and have only just realised that some of you replied to me on it, sorry for not responding but I only had a couple of replies at first and didn't think anyone else on here had experience of it, so stopped checking it. I've done this for 19 years and don't want to get to 20 - I want to knock it on the head by then. I kind of feel that if I don't stop by then, I'll never stop.

I've been really bad lately and my top eyelids have loads of bald areas . I hate doing it, it makes me feel so self conscious and I'm constantly worried that someone will notice and ask me about it so I tend to cover the bald patches with eye liner and put mascara on the lashes that are still there in an attempt to disguise it. I used to have beautiful, long, thick lashes before I started pulling - they were so thick I used to struggle to get a lash comb through them. If I could get them back to half of what they used to be, I'd be happy.

I've thought about approaching my GP, especially as it's been so bad recently that I feel it's my last resort, but I'm scared. I've had previous issues with anxiety but would feel like a total freak going to the GP with this.

So I need to stop. Now. It feels like an insurmountable task but I have to do it. I've pulled one lash today. So, starting from tomorrow, it's day 1 of being pull free. Soon, who knows, I may change my name to CanStopPulling!

Go to your gp. It honestly changed my life. He and my amazing husband are the only people I've ever told(though lots of people must know) and just telling him made me take a huge leap onto the road for recovery. Good luck, you're not alone and although I didn't hair pull, I'm sure skin picking comes from the same family.

Oh I do this too - especially when I'm anxious, which has been pretty much a constant this year - now have little pale balding patch at the crown of my head. Wish I could stop pulling and then the impulse is too strong or I just find I've been stroking and pulling my hair for some time.

I do it when my hands aren't busy but my head is, mostly subconscious but sometimes actively routing out wibbly wobbly feeling hairs (my hair is very straight and these curly hairs feel so different)

I wish I could stop. So comforting to know I'm not alone. Came into the mental health topic to look for help for my DD and find this thread thank you I don't feel such a sad mess (though also good at hiding patches - I hope )

Urgh, have just calculated that I've been pulling out my hair since I was 17... 25 years ago