my ds has taken an overdose tonight!

[kaylasmum]

hi just looking for a little support. My 24 yo ds has bpd and has had problems since he was a very small child. When he was 16 he came out as gay, he also overdosed and cut himself badly at the time. I totally supported him when he told me although i was totally shocked about how he did it.

For about a year or so he continued to self harm and overdose but settled down after a while. He met a lovely guy 4 years ago and they had a civil ceremony two yearg. My ds was diagnosed with bpd a few months ago, about a year after my 26 yo dd was diagnosed with same.

He has been fairly stable over the last couple of years until about 8 months ago when he started to become depressed and anxious and unable to cope with things. He's currently signed off work. He is also addicted to codeine and tramadol. Tonight his dp called me to tell me that my ds was on his way to hospital after overdosing on tablets and cutting himself. I have 2 younger dc att home so was unable to go to the hospital. He is ok but has to stay in overnight and see the psychiatrist tomorrow.

I don,t know what to think, not sure if he wanted to end his life or if it was a cry for help. I'm at my wits end, i suffer periodically with depression and anxiety and am struggling to keep it together for my kids. Have been looking after my dgs for the last 15 months as my dd has not been able to cope.

I blame myslf for my dc's mental health problems. Has anyone been through this, i really could do with someone to talk to.

Sorry, not been in this situation, but didn't want your post to go unanswered.

You sound like you've been incredibly strong for all of your family for years, despite your own health problems. I hope your GP is being supportive of you.

I'm sure more experienced posters will be along in the morning.

I've no great experience, but will bump this for you.

I do have a friend with BPD and he has had a long bumpy road to recovery. His family have been his main support, so it's great that you are so supportive of your ds.

Please don't blame yourself for your ds's mental health problem. You are part of the solution, not part of the problem. I wish I could be more helpful, but hopefully someone more experienced will come along soon. Take care of yourself- you are doing all you can by keeping lines of communication open with your ds. Best wishes

Sorry but I don't have any experience from your perspective. But as Jooly said please do not blame yourself. I know it's natural to but don't as I'm sure your son doesn't. Have you managed to visit him yet? And do you have support there for you? I hope someone with some direct experience can come along and give you some better advice. Hang in there.

hi thanks for your replies,

My ds is ok, he aid he was'nt trying to harm himself. He takes beta blockers and he told me he took about 20 just to try and relax. When my ds's dp came home my ds was very pale and incoherent, his dp panicked and phoned an ambulance. My ds was kept in hospital overnight hooked up to a heart monitor. My ds discgarged himself in the morning.

I'm don,t believe he ws just trying to relax. He also denied cutting himself but his dp told me that he had. I feel angry with my ds, i think this was just an attention seeking thing.

OP, if people cut 'for attention' then this is STILL a mental health problem. You must NOT be angry with ds.

So sorry you're going through this, glad to hear your ds is ok but please don't blame yourself for his mental health issues, it's not your fault.

My mum and my aunty both have BPD and with the right medication and the right help it can be kept under control and people can lead totally normal lives - my mum is a teacher!

I hope he's been offered additional help after this has happened? And how is your dd doing, is she getting any better, I hope so.

And I hope you're doing ok, it's really very draining when family members have mental health issues, I've been through it a lot this past 6 months, and on and off all my life really, so I can sympahise

Sorry about my last message, I have strong feelings about this subject on account of certain friends of mine going down this road.

OP I hope you feel better, it's not your fault.

hi, i know i should'nt feel angry with my son but its been so hard over the years. I've always supported my dc's no matter what but sometimes i feel like i'm at the end of my tether with it all.

My dd is going through a particularly hard time just now due to a relationship break up and her ds is suffering because of it, he's only 4. he's been in my care for the past 15 months and its been hard as he has behavioural problems. I have a 7yo dd and 4 yo ds and its ben tough on them.

I wwill continue to supprt my dd and ds to the best of my ability.

Hi kaylasmum , I saw your thread last year about your DD's difficulties / your family responsibilities (sorry, couldn't post at the time) )and it's a massive set of challenges you're trying to deal with at once. I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with and I hope your DD will be in a better place soon.
I hope you will manage to find time to post on MN about some of the situations as they arise as I find it a source of very inventive practical suggestions .

Your DS has had such a hard time: really painful for you. Are he & his DP in regular contact with any sources of info & support? There needs to be quite a lot in place to guide your Ds through his current difficulties & to ease what must be a huge strain on their relationship .
What worries me is that you say DS has been signed off work for months and has codeine & tramadol dependency- is he finding that his dual diagnosis meands he's being refused MH treatment? Is there any help for him to come off these drugs? And with the dependency currently on his medical notes, he may be treated dismissively by med staff- as a young male especially he may encounter prejudice , IME, & with cost cutting it's very hard to get any MH help in many counties. Please keep posting here as you need good advice ( not from me, obv- I'll shut up!)

Even if DS isn't interested in online forums , www.mentalhealthforum.co.uk is excellent for people sharing their experiences and has plenty of users with a diagnosis of BPD , and self harm etc. Really hope your DS finds sources of info and support which give him more hope of stability.

hi cityhobgoblin,

Thanks for your post. My ds has been referred to the drug and alcohol team. He has worked with them in the past and did improve but unfortunately has slippped and is very dependant on codeine and tramadol. He has also been referred for dbt which he also attended last year but he decided he was better so discharged himself from it.

I'm worried rhat the mht will get fed up wirh my ds for not sticking to the counselling they give him. Surely he has to help himself to get bertee.

sorry, that should say better.

Hi kaylasmum Thanks for your answer.I'm really, really sorry I didn't come back sooner but I unexpectedly fell asleep for hours (wish I could donate some extra sleep to you).
I've been racking my brain but don't have enough experience or knowledge to advise you on your concern that DS may " run out of chances" with the drugs & alcohol team. Hope a professional sees this thread.

The important thing is probably for your DS to realise that even at such a young age, it can indeed be very hard to get any / repeated help. Then he needs to tell the key worker something about the difficulties he's having with the process ( and s/he needs to listen) Neither will be easy for your Ds atm I think.

The v modest idea that does occur to me is for your DS to keep a note for himself of the day before each appointment, his mood & hopes / concerns about the session...also any practicalites which might be causing him difficulty in making the appt, eg depression / withdrawal symptoms / side effects / bus fare. ( May take time for him to get used to this & will be almost impossible if he's feeling really poorly but if he learns to do it, he'll learn more about himself). Then any time he's struggling with the counselling / tapering off he can use his "diary" to talk the issue over with the team - who will hopefully be keen to help him see the ways in which he might be sabotaging himself or help him find coping techniques & treatment for his MH needs- you say he's had a very hard time from early childhood.

There is now a reasonable amount of info on professional treatment of addiction available on reputable websites, so I'll have a look about & if you like, pass along any which might help your DS deal with the latter parts of his withdrawal treatment-you probably have no spare time to surf the net.

Sorry to sound idealistic... I hope your DS can set up a system of understanding his needs and where to seek help in good time , and that if he can't access services at any given time , that he can find advice to help him deal with each situation as it arises. This might give him more confidence for the future- he must be pretty scared : -(, as must you be. best wishes xx Sorry for the terrible English