I can't cry

[Unwind]

My DD is 2yo - it was a traumatic birth and I've been treated for PTSD and PND.

When she was in SCBU, I was targetted by a really nasty paediatric nurse, one night, she bullied and tormented me until I broke down. She then jeered at me for crying. I completely lost control and sobbed for hours.

After that I was afraid to let myself cry, because I felt like it might never stop. I remember fighting back tears a lot in the first few months. But I don't think I've ever cried since, and now I can't. Even when an immediate family member was on his deathbed, I couldn't cry. I had counselling sessions, but never came close to tears.

Is this abnormal, or just one of those things? I wonder if I have learned to repress feelings too well, and it is contributing to the depression that I can't seem to shake.

But maybe I am being a bit silly about this, and not crying easily is normal?

I cant cry either unwind, even at my best freinds funeral ( died of cancer in janruary age 45 ) i couldnt cry, the emotion was there but the tears just doesnt come, i was bullied very badly as a child, at school and then by my sadistic elder brother when i got home so i spent most of my childhood crying and being taunted for crying, i think this is the reason i cant cry now, i do get very emotional at times and have even tried to force myself to cry but still cant.
As for the nasty paediatric nurse this woman shouldnt be allowed near children ( or any patients )i hope at the very least you reported her, if she had done that to me i would probably have punched her,

Sorry for the delay in coming back - have had a lot on, and did not want to dwell on the emotional side of things. Thank you so much for your responses. It is good to know that I'm not alone. I am doing the couch - 5k at the moment, which should combine the loud music and exercise.

I did complain about that paediatric nurse, but the reply from the hospital was dismissive, it said she apologised for her behaviour but was only "trying to encourage me"

One of the ways she tormented me was by telling me that all the other mothers in SCBU were coping better than me, that she coped better when she had twins etc. I was then desperate to look like I was coping brilliantly, and afraid to ask for help.

I made the complaint in writing, I think I might make another one.

There was no provocation whatsoever, so I have no doubt that the nurse who bullied me, will also have done the same to other vulnerable mothers.

Unwind when you say you can't cry, do you feel sad or do your feelings seem frozen?

Hi unwind, I would write the letter again to the hospital as writing all of it down on paper how it affected you may help you. I would also send two copies, one to hospital board, and one to the manager of the scbu. They will then have to act it.
I haven't been able to cry for a very long time even though a lot of unhappy things have happened to me. I think I have numbed myself to stop hurting any more. Big hugs to you xx

frozen feelings can be a symptom linked to PTSD.