so down.......

[MrsMiggins]

DH has no idea
has told me so many times that we catn keep going over things

dh had affair
works with her
sees her almost daily
they even stay in same hotel
thats meant to be OK for me as all over

feel like sh't
dont know what to do
love DH
he loves me but wont discurss anything o feels like his affair is dirty

had lovely weekend but week is about to start and so he will be away OR seeing her...while Im left home alone with kids
hate it

That is awful - so sorry to hear you are having to deal with this
HAve you ever sat down together and talked it through? He can't just say, oh well its over now, and expect you to just move on

Hmmm, not sure I would stand for this myself. If it came down to it, I know my dh would sacrifice his job for his marriage and I would do the same. Hell, he even sacrificed the country he lived in! There is no way things can continue as they are. He either has a word with the powers that be at work (he can get a different hotel or be transferred to another area surely?) or he takes a long hard look at his life and makes some major changes.

You deserve the very best, we all do, would he put up with this from you? Time to be strong and put down a few regulations of your own. Never mind that he doesn't want to talk about it! He got his way, does he honestly think you want to go on talking about this thing? He'd better start doing some changes or his job might not be the only thing he loses - you tell him that!

he can and does

been about 8 weeks and still feels so raw
have flash backs

he is so attentive etc tjat I know the affair is over but doesnt help me
yesterday bought some sexy undies and he chose them
3 mths ago he wasnt interested which I knew was wrong
now he is - hurts to rememver that he wasnt

just cant bear thought of him even speaking to her at work but he doesnt want to leave so what should I do ?
love him so cant leave

Oh Mrs Miggins thats terrible.

Im sure i could give you a long post about him having broken trust and has to regain it etc etc but you know this already, and so does he probably.

Im guessing that you feel that the only way he can show willing to make it right is to change jobs. Either he is committed to you or commmitted to his job.

He needs to know that you want him to help you heal or it will always be an open painful wound for you and no marriage can survive that forever.

IMHO i dont think knowing the full details of what happened will fix it for you either.

Its such a tough situation and i cant pretend i have been there but you need to catch his attention somehow to get him to realise how you feel.

I KNOW

I m pathetic
I realise this
sure my cousnellor thinks this too

SHE has even been offered job down south where we're thinking of moving to

looking at my history with DH and other partners, I always do as told.
O am sure DH has made mistake but doesnt like going over it

the joke /irony is that when DH ^ I first got together I weas the strong one and he the lap dog....since kids Im the weak one.... and finally realiused I dont like or deserve to be the weak one

really love DH but can I face weeekend after weekend feeling miserable

You arent pathetic at all.

Please dont think you are.

He has put you in this situation - the fact that you are finding it hard to come to any strong or harsh decision is understandable - you never asked to be put in the situation in the first place. He did that to you. All you did was love him and continue to do so.

HE has to make the choice. HE needs to realise that he has done alot more to you than "just cheat" IYKWIM. Its not over just because he has stopped seeing her - he really needs to be aware of that.

He needs to be made accountable - he is a grown up isnt he?

I know I am hiding it well...but physically I am ill again & I know it is caused byt anguish for my DH & her....he is trying but I cant just braush it under the carpet.

it does take 2 & I know my depression / PND was hard for him but it doesnt excuse an affair.
I just cant block visions of him & HER out of my head.....

and tomorrow he is staying away & odds on she is too but hes not said....and I cant bare to ask....

He really needs to know how you feel Mrs Miggins. Surely the fallout from asking cant be any worse than the not knowing?

how can you still fancy your DH - infact our sex life has been renewed...its like we forgot what to do.....feels great
when out as a family he is attentive...and all is great..til my memory pops HER in....

god I wish he had just told me how miseralbe he was instead of shgging a work collegue...I feel he is unfair expecting me to be happy with them working together but what can I do?
if he left work, hed be miserable

thanks for listening
xxxxx

No problem - CAT me if you want to talk off board anytime.

x

Who gets to decide who is miserable though - if he stays you are, if he leaves he is.

Its his mess.........