Chewing and spitting - may I have some support? :(

[Havetostopdoingthis]

I have been chewing and spitting out food for about 8 years. It's awful and embarassing. It's usually things like chocolate, crisps and other high calorie/fat foods. I do it because it makes me feel like I am getting to enjoy eating the 'bad' food without actually gaining all the calories from it (although I do a tiny bit of it). When I am stressed I do it more. I did it this morning - before 8am FFS! - with a massive pack of crisps. All the while, my poor baby was sitting nearby playing while I turned away in order to hide what I was doing.

I have a history of anorexia and also OCD - the latter I am receiving CBT for after some very severe OCD episodes that badly disrupted my life.

I can't bring myself to tell my therapist about the chewing and spitting - I am too embarassed. I know I should but I want to try stopping myself. I haven't really had the willpower until now, but I was hoping I could get some support in this section, even if it's from people telling me I'm a selfish, stupid cow and need to get myself in order (maybe I need this).

I was wondering if anybody else has, or had, this problem? If you managed to stop, have you any suggestions or tips to pass on?

I could really do with some support here...:(

That will be by no means the worst thing your therapist has ever come across. Don't let unnecessary shame stop you getting better. Tell her at your next appointment.

I know about shame and how it can make you feel the worst person in the world.

Do it - if you can't get the words out write it down and give her the note!

I have experience of anorexia though not chewing and spitting.

However, my understanding was that chewing and spitting is not that uncommon amongst anorexics. I guess I am saying it isn't anything to be embarassed about, as madmouse says it really won't be the worst thing your therapist has heard of.

Don't be embarrassed. Tell your therapist. It is really VERY common in eating disorders. I link it with stress behaviours and OCD.

Are you eating healthily at the moment? Your body needing calories could be part of the urge? Extreme stress could also be a trigger.

I do the same thing--I actually could be you. Can't help any more but want you to know you are not alone, as it is a very lonely existence sometimes.

After suffering from bulimia since I was 16, finally 3 years ago I decided to seek professional help as it was taking over my life. I also chew and spit and I did mention it to my therapist who said that it is very common with people with an eating disorder, I suffer from OCD too. I haven't made myself sick for nearly 2 years now, but unfortunately I still chew and spit, which I absolutely hate doing. I can go weeks without doing it, but when under stress I can go through packets of biscuits sitting next to the bin. I just want you to know that it is not something to be embarassed about, do talk to your therapist. I find that if I make my day more structured and I try to spend as much time as I can away from the kitchen it really does help. I also try to put things that I know I am more likely to chew and spit in places hard to reach i.e. On top of cupboards etc. I also try to do food shopping on a daily basis so that I don't have things that could tempt me laying around for too long.

If you want to talk about it, please feel free to PM me.

I do this a lot.

But, to be honest, I question whether it really matters or is so bad?

It would be a huge problem if:
a) you were doing it around people
b) you were not eating and digesting a balanced, healthy diet
c) it was making you miserable and guilty

It sounds like c) may be your motivation for needing to deal with it. And, if so, then I really think your therapist will be understanding, helpful and definitely not shocked.

But, while you are in the process of trying to deal with it, I would relax and try not to beat yourself up about it. Not ingesting hig calorie food is not such a bad thing when you think about it.

"Not ingesting hig calorie food is not such a bad thing when you think about it."

Bit inappropriate considering a history of anorexia

manicinsomniac did you think your post through?

whereas chewing and spitting is not something to be ashamed of, it is not good for you.

it's not good for your salivary glands, it's not good for the small child who is in the room and feels something isn't right, it is not good for your self-esteem, it is not good for the natural regulation of your food intake - for starters.

It is very appropriate for the OP to deal with this and get some help with this.

manicinsomniac, blimey what an attitude.
CHewing and spitting is actually very damaging bahaviour that can seriously damage your stomach. When you chew food, your stomach gets ready to digest it. When it doesn't appear in the stomach, you have a whole load of stomach acid with nothing to do, giving way to a whole host of problems over time.
OP, do mention it to your CBT therapist. They won't be shocked, they won't judge, and they WILL help you begin to tackle this.

manicinsomniac, chewing and spitting is physically and mentally damaging. When I do it I am left feeling sad and ashamed. It is not a normal behaviour and even if some people do it thinking that it is not an abnormal thing to do, they are very wrong; I was like that for years and I was in denial, it is associated with eating disorders and unhealthy relationship with food. People without an eating disorder would just enjoy whatever they want to eat without the urge of spitting it out!

meh, sorry, didn't mean to offend. Just trying to make the OP feel a bit better about it. Works for me (esp when I think that if I wasn't doing that I'd be throwing up or starving indtead - sounded like it may be similar case for the OP but maybe not)

Failed obviously. shutting up about it now!

Thank you everybody for responding to this.

I keep wanting to bury my head in the sand about this because I convince myself I 'enjoy' doing it - getting to taste high calories 'bad' foods everyday.

Manicinsomniac, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better; the problem is, for many years I convinced myself there was nothing wrong with what I was doing and that a), b) or c) did not apply to me.

However, for me, certainly a) and c) now do apply. The chewing and spitting has become so 'normalised' for me that my DH even knows about it, and what's worse, accepts it (although he obviously doesn't like it).

I will always find ways to justify to myself why it's not necessary to stop. When I get the urge to spit and chew, I'll tell myself "this is the last time", but it never is and I secretly know it. If I see bad foods on offer in the supermarket, I will cave and buy them, and look forward to chewing them later.

This is why I wanted to start a thread because maybe seeing other people's responses will give me the kick up the arse I need to really, truly, stop doing this. I realise it gives me immediate pleasure, and 'de-stresses' me, but I know in the long-term it's totally unhealthy.

M78, I may well PM you for the odd bit of advice, thank you so much for the offer!

I chewed and spat this morning - two bags of cookies and some chocolate. All before 10am. I really, really want that to be my last ever chew and spitting session. I could really do with some responses to convince me in my weaker moments that I can do this.

I will also consider telling my therapist, although I will feel awful that I haven't brought up such a major thing before, especially as I've tried to convince him that my major problem right now is my OCD behaviour and that my eating disorder is relatively under control, and has been for some years. I guess that's what I've been telling myself. But it's not true :(

On another note, when I think about how much money I've spent on food that doesn't get eaten, it's shocking :(

Havetostopdoingthis dont feel bad about hiding it from your therapist so far. I think eating disorders and OCD are often very closely linked; they are both maladaptive controlling disorders. It can and will get better if you face it.