I need some help.

[tinyfishbigpond]

I can't cope. I'm stuck in a job I hate away from home. I'm shattered and crying constantly. I feel like I can't recharge my batteries and everyday I feel more and more tired.

I can't get up in the mornings. I don't want to. I barely have the energy to move when I do get up. I feel lightheaded, unbalanced and like I'm watching everyone else on a tv screen.

My partner is going abroad for 5 weeks tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to cope. To not have him on the end of the phone (we can't afford to be getting into the long distance phone bill dilemma). Is there anyone out there who could just hold my hand a little bit through this?

In very practical terms - if he has access to a landline there - chances are you can get a phone card that allows you to call him for 1 or 2 p a minute.

even Tesco sells them now I saw

tinyfishbigpond

you sound very stressed and you will drift into a depression if you dont get some support....have you been to your GP ? maybe they could give you something to help lift your mood and motivate you, do you have children to look after aswell?

littlemiss- I'm afraid I have very much drifted that way. I have been to a gp and he diagnosed me with acute anxiety and depression but couldn't give me anything because I was seeing him as a temporary patient. With my job and the distances involved I'm struggling to get back to see my normal gp.

I feel so alone. I have no friends here and the friends I used to have back where my parents live have all forgotten about me. My partner is worried about leaving me. I can barely eat or look after myself. I have lost all interest in my appearance and am honestly questioning whether things would be easier for me if I just threw myself in front of a car.

I don't have any children so at least I do not have other people to try to look after. I can barely cope looking after myself.

find out the number of your local mental health crisis team and call them for some immediate support! tell them how you are feeling,

Tiny fish - there are many people who will "hold your hand" for as long as you like. The support on this MH thread is incredible. Most of us have/are suffering from some kind of MH illness and so understand each other.

I don't understand why the GP who diagnosed youwith depression and anxiety could not prescribe for you because you were a temporary patient. I am not a medic but have suffered 2 major episodes of severe depression, the latest one last Easter and my recovery fluctuates without any known triggers.

I can identify with everything you say, the not wanting to get out of bed (when we are depressed we want to withdraw) feeling lightheaded (which is possibly a symptom of anxiety) as I had that too, prolonged bouts of crying etc are all classic symptoms of severe depression. I think the fact that you are seeing things as if on a TV screen is called de-personalisation and is another symptom of severe depression. Your suicidal thoughts are also a symptom. I too have felt it would be better if I wasn't here, though with me if was (and stillis at times) the canal rather than a car.

Look tinyfish - I am going to be very prescriptive.

You are ill and you are in no fit state to be working, and driving is dangerous for you and others. You need to get to a GP ASAP and tell him/her all your symptoms (they have a check list anyway) or you can write them down as bullet points. You absolutely need to be signed off work and to get medication. You need to stay in bed late because when we are depressed we want to withdraw and if your bed feels safe, then stay there, but not all day. You must get up and shower and a short walk in the fresh air is always helpful. You need time to rest and relax and have the pressure of work taken off you.

I honestly think you are heading for a severe depression unless you get some help now. Clearly your partner going abroad has heightened your anxiety and that is not surprising. Do you have any RL family or friends nearby. What about work colleagues - is there anyone you feel close enough to so that you can phone when you feel scared.

PLEASE phone for a GP appt and say it is urgent as I honestly think that is your best course of action.
Come back and tell us how you got on. And you must get signed off work.

Sorry to sound so bossy but I know how difficult it is to get help for yourself because depression is a very deceitful illness and makes us think it is our fault and we're not worthy of anyone helping us etc etc etc. Please believe me that is the depression "talking" and one of the hardest things about this horrid illness.

Sending warm wishes and take care NN xx

good post..........the gp should not have diagnosed you with that and sent you away with no medication or support, thats very poor treatment, go to your or 'a' GP and get some help otherwise call crisis team as I said....if things get too desperate! I hope you are okay and there is always someone on here to talk to usually day or night

I can't not work. I can't pay the rent otherwise as I can only get SSP. I can earn more than that will give me by doing a days work badly.

My partner has gone. I'm devastated. Don't know how I will cope with the weeks ahead without him. I'm so lonely already. I have no one else who I can talk to about even the simplest of things. I have no one I can even discuss my day with.

I really feel for you, having had bad bouts of anxiety and depression myself.If money will be an issue, is it possible you can still manage work, but try to offload any other responsibilities at the moment.Is there anyone you could confide in at your place of work so you have some support there?
Try to be kind to yourselfeat simple but nutritious food-nothing that takes a lot of thought or effort. It may be that all you can do for a while is work and sleep.Can you lose yourself in a film for a while? I also found that reading about others who had suffered depression helped me to feel less alone.Please try and see a medical professional --I resisted ADs for too long when really I should have been taking them.
Did you manage to get something sorted out with regard to staying in contact with your partner-could you use Skype for free? It sounds as though you feel very frightened and alone at the moment, which is a horrible place to be.And I know you will probably not believe me,but this will pass--probably not as quickly as you would hope, but you will feel brighter again.Please keep in touch here and then at least you can tell us how your day has been. Everything will seem an effort, but congratulate yourself on every small thing you achieve .Thinking of you

OH tinyfish I was worried that money would be an issue. Can your partner not pay the rent. Do you know how much SSP is - it may be more than you think.

Stay on the thread tinyfish and you can tell us how your day has gone. Hang on in there - the 5 weeks will pass and you will find a way of coping, and there will always be someone on here to"talk" to about anything you like. If a poster seems particularly helpful youcan always PM them - just click on Message Poster on the blue line above the text. Sometimes people don't want to share everything with all posters on MN.

You can however still make an appt with the GP for meds, which will help with your depression and this awful anxiety that you have at the moment at being left alone. Please do this, it is really necessary, and keep posting.

Thelambliesdown- Thank you for your lovely message. It brought a tear to my eyes reading it. I can't confide in anyone at work because they will know I am planning on leaving and I'm scared work will get in and sack me before I can leave. I have been speaking to a lovely lady who I did my training with who works in another part of the company but I don't want to be too much of a burden on her.

My partner has arrived and said that calling from his mobile costs £1.50/min and 40p per text. He is going to get a call card asap and we will try skype (I don't know if his new laptop has a webcam or not).

I do want to take ADs but the dr I saw last week wouldn't prescribe me anything. I am trying to make an appointment at the doctors that I am registered with but what with working so far away there's not many apts I can attend.

Your sentence "you feel very frightened and alone at the moment" really hit home. I'm so so scared. I've gone from living at home with my parents before Christmas to this horrific situation. It feels like my world has crumbled beneath my feet.

NanaNina- It's not a simple situation I'm afraid. He's not earning because he is a student. He is in his final year of a medical degree and the idea was I'd pay the full rent until he starts earning and then we will split it.

Could you talk to your parents? That really helped me when I was feeling like you. I didn't want to burden them at first but it was definitely ythe right thing to do.

Hi tinyfish!
Glad you came back. It sounds as though everything has changed for you all at once and sometimes that can be too much for our systems to cope with. Is there another GP locally that you could go to and explain that you really feel in need of help, but have moved away from your family doctor? If you can start to get the chemical imbalance sorted out it will take the edge off things and hopefully ease your pain a bit.Meanwhile you sound very brave tackling work whilst you feel like this! Do you need to stay in this area because it is where your partner studies? Could you take any annual leave to go home to see your parents and go to see your own GP? You may feel overwhelmed by trying to make any decisions at the moment,but once you start to feel betterwhich you will!you can look for a job you don't hate. Your partner sounds very supportive -hope you can get Skype to work-even without the camera you would be able to speak to each other.Hope your day is bearable--will be around on MN this evening if you get a chance to update
Thinking of you

Hi tiny- hope you're doing ok?

Not great I'm afraid. My parents came over this weekend and basically said I should be happy I've got a job. They can't comprehend how stressed and ill this is making me.

I've tried to see a GP but I'm still registered at my parents house and the only weekend I'm going to visit them the weekend surgery is closed.

Could you ring the out of hours doctor? We have a walk in clinic at the hospital, I am sure the doctor would be able to prescribe you something.

Do you not have a close friend you could talk to?

you could ring the samaritans? They will not judge you and its confidential.

How about a plan of action to get you through the next few weeks.

I'm scared. A dr will force me to stop working and I can't afford to not work. I don't know if I could even do my job on ADs, can you drive on them?

I have no friends here. I don't even know my neighbours.

Hi I hope your ok. I just wanted to let you know I'm on AD's I work and I drive so don't worry it is possible.
You don't have to be off work if you don't want to obviously it will depend on the tablets your on and there may be side effects. You don't need to feel like you do xx

A doctor won't be able to force you not to work.

you would be surprised at how many people are on ADs. Many go to work and function normally.

here

Another brilliant site is the livinglifetothefull website. this

Hi Tiny, hope you don't mind me writing. I can understand why your parents reacted this way with you as my mum did the same thing with me when I was first diagnosed with depression. The problem with having anxiety problems and depression is that for some people unless you have experienced it you cannot understand at all what it feels like. Unhelpful people will give you the stupid comments of, "pull yourself together....". Which I am sure you would love to do if you could but it is completlly impossible to do! Being depressed is awful as outwardly you can look well, while inwardly you feel a complete mess, and struggling everyday with basic things like getting out of bed, washing and eating.
With most medications there are no problems with driving and working, but as tablets effect everyone differently you really won't know until you start. A friend of mine goes all woozy with one paracetamol, whereas I was able to work as nurse in a very busy ward while on 3 different types of depression medication at high doses... So best advice is to try and get temporary residency with your local gp and get an app as soon as you can so that you get some medication to start if you need it.
If you are able to go to work and function at some sort of level sometimes it can help working as it gives you a bit of structured to your day, and may help you to get thru the next few weeks. But sometimes it gets to the point that even getting out of bed feels like someone has asked you to climb everest! Take each day as it comes, and for tomorrow I would contact local gp and ask to be put on their books as a temporary patient, and then ask for an app and explain that you are depressed and need support. Ask also if there is a local mental health community team near you and get their contact details so that you can call them if you need support. Take care x