I am not sure how to keep going - but I do want to - how?

[notevenamousie]

I am an alcoholic and a chronic depressive.
I am also 29 and in a professional job.

I am trying to juggle all these things, but because my family got involved to try and help me, Social Services became involved. My DD will be taken away from me, but madly I am still allowed to work.

I am not sure how to get through the day, the night. I feel too ill to go to an AA meeting. I feel like everyone hates me. I don't know if I can ever get better, and maybe it would be better if I wasn't here at all. I love my girl but I want the best for her, and maybe that is a life without me. I really want some help but I know no-one can do this for me. I stopped for months and then this happened. I am a disgraceful mother. My DD is so beautiful.

I am wondering about going to A+E to say I can't cope any more. I've never coped. My parents used to say I was abnormal throughout my childhood and they were right.

If anyone can identify with this, can they tell me I can survive this? I can't cope any more.

Have you been prescribed medication for the depression - first point of call should be your GP to get medication which should help with the depression - I do not know much about Alcoholism, but know a lot about depression having suffered with it on and off for the last 25 years.

Does the AA have a helpline service - if you cant get to a meeting - there may be someone to talk to online or on the phone. You need some support.

Your GP should be able to refer you to a psychologist or Psychiatrist who will be able to help you talk through your problems.

It sounds as though you should find a way of taking some time off work to sort things out - can you not take some sick leave until you have managed to sort the depression side of your problems.

Do not listen to negative put downs (even if they are from your parents), you may be different, but I can assure you that help is out there. You could also contact MIND - who are a mental health charity. Mental health is not a taboo anymore and there are so many people out there who suffer, when they could be getting help.

You are not alone, there is help out there and although it is difficult to take the first step in getting help - it is the only way to start getting better.

Take care of yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself

Do you think you are self medicating with alcohol because of the depression, or is the depression the result of the alochol abuse,as I'm sure you know alcohol is a depressanr.
Are you on medication for the depression- if not you should be and the first port of call is your GP It won't be any use your going to A & E.

Are social services supporting you in any way and how old is your child. They will not be looking at asking a court to allow them to remove your child unless she is at risk of significant harm,, or is likely to be. Removing a child is the very last resort.

You are certainly saying a good many things in your post that suggest you are verydepressed. I know how it feels as a fellow sufferer and have thought many times that it would bebetter if I weren't here, but that is the depression talking as it is a very deceitful illness. You say you"stopped for months and then this happened" - was there something specific that started you drinking again.

Do go to your GP asap and tell him/her about the way you are feeling and about the drinking. I know it is hard to admit but you must get some help so that you can have a better life for yourself and your daughter. Children who grow up with mothers who are alcoholic or abuse drugs or whatever often feel that they have to be the parent and blame themselves for the way their parent is and this can go on to cause MH problems for them in the future.

You have received some very negative messages from your parents when you were a child, which may be the cause of your depression and/or alcoholism.
You really do need to stop drinking because it just makes depression far far worse. You say you gave up