feel f*king useless and stupid

[stressedbutluvem]

I have been a trained nurse for 23 years but 6 years ago when DC2 was a few weeks old, 2 days before Christmas I went completely hysterical when I heard my husband being unwell. I moved myself and the kids out and was terrified to come home. Ever since I have had a phobia/OCD about stomach bugs.
I have had counselling. hypnotherapy and been seeing a psychologist for 12 months but am still stupid. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with number 4 and dc3 has been increasingly loose on the loo for the last 24 hours,(sorry tmi) generally well in himself so far except both boys have a cough but i am terrified this is going to become worse as time passes whatever it is. I can't bring myself to now go upstairs and see to the boys and help get them ready for bed because he has needed the loo twice in the last 40 minutes.Poor DH has landed it all again. I can feel the anxiety rising and rising in me I just want them asleep and to stay that way. DH was wanting to go shopping as it is my birthday tommorow but I dont want him to go out. My head says grow up for goodness sake this is ridiculous you are runining their lives with your nonsense but I am glued like some form of stiffened board to the settee.What kind of mother and nurse behaves like this I am just fking stupid and useless.

Sorry to be replying at such a odd time (2am), i am awake because i have the same phobia as you and my dd has showed signs of being unwell. You are not stupid, it is a phobia that lots of people suffer from, you are not useless, you are doing your best as am i. I know how you feel, dd2 has'nt eaten today so i am now sat in bed waiting for her to be ill, i cant sleep .

I hope you manage to get some sleep and dont be too hard on yourself.

I have seen people overcome their phobias with cognitive brain training or something. In only a few sessions. Saw it on Dr Phil.

It would be worth chasing up some info on it or I imagine you could create some negative consequences for yourself that you don't want.

Your poor DCs probably won't completely understand and think you have something against them personally.

I'm a nurse too and sometimes I just have to stop thinking about things (germs - kids and DH spreading them. My DCs the best handwashers in town haha! ).

I distract myself with a differnt train of thought.(DCs usually good for that).

I am the same way about eating meat, if I ruminate on the whole body parts thing I just can't do it. God know how women of old or on farms do it. The whole raise - butcher - eat thing, hunger I suppose.

I feel for both of you ladies and wish you the best luck.

The guy who did the phobia stuff was Dr Frank Lawlis. There are books available if you google his name. Good luck.

I am having CBT (not sure if it is helping or not), i cant go to my appointment today as dd2 is home as i thought she was ill (she's now jumping on the trampoline).

Hi, thankyou for your kind replies. Hope those of you who are also in a tizz at the moment are all ok. Can certainly go with the food cautions and the handwashing I throw food out just because I get a bad feeling about it and cook everything to death. My poor 6 year old is drilled strip and wash straight after school and the little one knows its handwash time as soon as we come in (all much to my psychologits despair, she loves my teenager who completely ignores me despite spending half her life with horses). Still all very bizarre here, DS2 still not right but not spectacular either (fingers crossed) but it is the going on and on and on that in someways is just as hard to cope with. Been great having DH off work today big relief and support but didnt dare do anything for my birthday.We only go out twice a year and they seem to manage to come up with something every time.Never mind. Thanks for the book suggestions I will certainly take a look. Daft thing is that when I was on the wards I feared nothing, maybe I felt more invincible or maybe its just because that was before the scary thing happened. Sending friendly vibes to you all for answering thankyou.

Should probably read psychologist but then who knows poignant slip?