on citalopram 40mg but feeling very low - will 60 make a difference

[HelloMyNameIsHilda]

have been on 40 for 2 years or more, feeling very up and down over last week or more, spent weekend just wanting to run away from everything and everyone...have separated from husband year and a half ago, got new bf who is very nice (well, we are together a year now) but seem wracked with guilt over splitting family, responsibilities towards kids, letting them all down etc (husband was a functioning alcoholic who wouldn't seek help - I tried for years but gave up in the end and asked him to move out, he did) Current relationship with ex is amicable but the kids get upset easily and miss each of us when with the other and I miss them very VERY much when I don't have them and I think feel to blame when I spend time with bf. It doesn't help that recently kids said they don't like bf, which on discussion emerges what they really mean is why can't they spend more time with me and their dad instead of me and bf [we'd just come back from holiday together all 4 of us]

AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGH!!!

I am so up and down its not funny.

I didn't think I coul dfeel so up and down on 40mg citalopram

hoping to see GP on wednesday

feel like such a pathetic fool

What a lot to cope with and haven't you done well?
Offspring in their inexperience can often be only focused on their own needs and I feel that it might be wise to point out to them firmly that you have a right to a life of your choice too.I do not know the answer to the citalopran I am afraid.I wonder if relieving pressure from yourself would also help?For instance trying to stop pleasing all and realise the more you do the less likely it will be a happy situation.It sounds like through years of struggle you have blamed yourself and still do,take the blame away from the equation,take the pressure off and allow yourself to be free of it all.Let the kids see that you are determined to set boundaries,have a boyfriend and that it is no ones fault all this has happened.If you must blame,blame it on the alcohol as a drug to which some unfortunately succumb.The new way of life can be accepted and get better by talking together and you have that already going well.Explanations of how no one wanted this but it has to be dealt with and it will cause pain initially but that you are all entitled to be individually considered. The GP or a self referral to a mental health team could be helpful whilst you are having mood swings.Often they will arrange a talk with a community psychiatric nurse and they can be wonderfully patient listeners and advise you on the drug too.

oh MHP you ave no idea how much better your message makes me feel

I feel like a frigging pressure cooker here at times, and resent ex because he just picks kids up and drops them off and gets told how much they miss him

aaah, they are great kids really, and very loyal to him (and to me too to their credit) just struggling with it all

yes, you are right, take the blame away and enjoy it.

I worry I'll drive my lovely bf away with all this blame and guilt setting too, and indeed sometimes I think I expect him to drop me due to complications but he never does

I need to just get with enjoying having a lovely BF who is happy to be with me AND my two small kids and who treats me WAAAY better than their dad ever did and NOT feel guilty about any of it

which I do, I feel guilty about the speed of gettoinga new man, amongst other things, but relationship between me and ex was over years ago really. and even then it was about 6 months before i started seeing bf through internet dating. I guess we just got quite serious pretty quickly. And soemtimes I wonder whether that was not such a great idea.

ah well. I've never been a great player of fields.

thanks for the nice message. and sorry for the continued outpouring. hoping to get to my lovely GP tomorrow and see what she suggests, though am actually feeling lots better today.

thank you again

wonderful I would love to know how you get on and with that positive spirit things will take a turn for the better,All things pass I always say,nothing stays the same forever and if you can transfer the same strength of energy that has been burdening you with guilt and blame to another purpose it will only get better!Well done to you for already seeing things in another perspective,that is marvellous and will shine through to your family.I believe that you have tried so hard and long to help your husband and now see that unless he himself actively wishes to be better,(free of alcohol) then that is a separate issue for him.Cast off the stressful "weights" round your neck and you'll flourish again as will all around you and they'll be inspired by your confidence and follow suit.
Rescuing a person all the time is not always the right thing but as we love others deeply we do it and by those well meaning actions we unwittingly assist in prolonging that state of dysfunction and unawareness of their own sickness for that is what I believe it is.Very often alcohol covers up depression. You have rights to which we are all entitled and a duty to yourself to start living a happy life. If you have had the power to deal with the difficult past then think how strong you are now to deal with the future!Go for it all! Take care.mhp