I need advice over DH

[worryingoverDH]

I have been worrying about DH for a long time now (I have name changed just in case). He is under enormous strain at work and has gone from being the most laid back person I know to someone who doesn't sleep, paces all the time at home, is angry, forgets everything and generally looks like he has a hangover every day.

He needs some time off work or I really think he is close to having a breakdown or worse.

He has his own business, but circumstances have changed with his business partners and he is no longer in control of the company (most of the problem). He cannot take any time off for a holiday and would never go off sick without a doctor telling him to rest.

I have finally got him to make an appointment with his GP today, but he doesn't know what to say to them.

Is it possible to ask the GP to sign him off for a little while so that he can rest? He would not be able to take any time off work without it being justified by a doctor.

Does anyone have any advice on what he could say or do?

He cannot resolve the work problems in his current state as I believe he is mentally not able to at present.

Any advice would be really helpful as I'm not sure he can continue much longer like this.

TIA

GPs have a depression quesiotnnaire they will go thru with him - after this they will advise next steps which could be counselling, anti depressants, signing off work - between GP and your H to make a plan

time off work to "rest" wont cure his issues unless something else is in place - like counselling, CBT, exercise programme even meds. and long term addressing his issues around working / streee management etc

look for support for you too - do you ahve DC?

They gave him a questionnaire and told him to come back again if he still feels bad :(

We looked at the questionnaire together and he ticks all the boxes! I'll be lucky if I can get him to go back again though.

I don't think there is a magic cure, he just needs some breathing space and someone else to talk to about his feelings.

He's not really communicating at the moment, so I don't think the GP understood the problem.

I really don't know how to help him now.

Can I go and talk to the GP on DH behalf - it just sounds like he didn't understand.

DH just keeps muttering that the GP told him to eat more oily fish! I'm not sure whether he was trying to be funny, but DH told him we eat lots of fish.

DH looks much worse since he has come back - if that is possible

call back, ask to see a different GP (or same one but tell him he is now worse) and go with him this time.

if he your H behaves really weirdly take him to A&E.

@ worryingoverDH :- I think your husband's current state is probably entirely due to stress relating to his business. GPs don't have any pills for that! I think the only effective solution will be for your husband and his partners to try and rearrange things to reduce or remove what may be various conflicts or battles of wills. Perhaps your husband is suffering from some type of post traumatic stress disorder and or battle fatique and is generally run-down. If the stresses are removed or reduced I think your husband will start to feel better and return to his normal self. Perhaps it took a year or two to reach this situation. If so I think it will probably take a similar amount of time to recover.

not always the case melvin - my exP was v stressed at work; so he resigned (he should have gone on sick but that is another story) he insisted resigning would "cure" his stress. it didnt. he had far more complex issues.

if he is descending into a real depression/stress disorder then just removing the stress wont be enough to "cure" him. he needs therpay eg CBT, maybe anti ds, counselling, exercise programme - all kinds of things to discuss with his GP

@ cestlavielife :- In addition to fish oil, the GP will be able to suggest the remedies you have suggested, but whether any of them will work I wouldn't know.

Just a comment, yes antidepressants in combination with proper professional counselling and exercise etc do definitely work. It doesn't work quickly (at all!) and the person needs to want to get better, but it does work. I think I would not want to rely on fish oil and running, it seems a bit too flower power for what is a very serious and fatal illness. (I wouldn't go to my homeopathist to heal my cancerous mole for example!! But hey that's me!!)

I also second the removing stress not being enough. The stress is internal, the outside influences are just triggers. A depressed person will do things to try and make themselves feel better, drinking, other addictive behaviours, giving up friends/family/work. But that does not solve their serious internal issues that made them susceptible to the illness to start with and often is not the right action. Big decisions are best off made when the mind is more stable and not riddled with depressive thinking.

@ worryingoverDH et al :- On reflection, I agree, removing stress isn't enough, because in the case of PTSD the stress has already been removed, ie is some event or events in the past. Whether the pills and other remedies work or not I wouldn't know. Personally, I doubt it! Time is a great healer! But of course additional highly stressful events will not be helpful!

Where in the OP did she say her husband had been diagnosed with PTSD or did I miss something? The pills DO work and can save lives.

If your DH is close to a breakdown, he needs to take some time off work, you should perhaps go to docs together, he can be signed off for stress. If stress levels don't ease with time off, then probably needs medication.

Agree with others, get help quickly if he starts behaving strangely, high stress & lack of sleep can very quickly descend into paranoia/severe anxiety.

My dh is a GP and I suffer from mh problems, so coming at this in a couple of ways.

The pills do work. I've had family members try to fob me off with woooo stuff like "get out for a walk every day and do a bit of volunteering and you'll be ok", but if it wasn't for the antidepressant medication I have had I'd be dead now. THey do take about 6 weeks to work well though (and never be fobbed off bya doc telling you they will work in a fortnight!).

I know for a fact my dh has signed people off work, usually initially for a fortnight, with work related stress - I know this cos I asked him what my GP would do with me! Stress sicknotes are usually extended fortnightly from what I know. But it is a very valid reason to be off and tbh your dh's GP sounds crap.

When I go to the GP about my depression I always take someone with me - sometimes dh, sometimes my best friend, who listen to the consultation and then, if what the GP is saying doesn't seem to 'fit' with how they know I am coping, they have the chance to butt in and tell it like it is (I tend to downplay my symptoms - wouldn't be surprised if your dh is doing this too!

You can go and talk to the GP yourself but without written permission from your dh, the doc will not be able to say anything to you about what was in the previous consultation and so it will be better if you can go together - with mh issues many GPs prefer this, as there is a more objective view.

I feel for you - my dh has suffered work related stress in the past (I haven't yet met a f/t doctor who hasn't at some point!) and I know dh always gets stressed over the financial side. But I also feel for your dh - I've had recurrent stress/depression for 20 years, and its horrid to live with, like something jaggy in your mind you cant shift.

Let us know how things go - there are always people hanging out on the mh threads who are ready to chat!

Thanks for all the replies. I realise that the work problem will always be there until he deals with it. I feel however, that in his current situation he should not be signing legally binding documents which will affect the rest of his life in his current mental state.

I am hoping that DH will let me go back to the GP with him in a few days. He has been getting lots of exercise and his work phone has stopped ringing for two days now.

I am worrying about today though as there are a lot of work issues that will arise and cannot be ignored :(

I just don't know how far down he is. I can't tell whether me trying to help him sort things out will make things better or worse. On one hand it may relieve the pressure, but on the other it may push him over.

I just wish the GP had been better with him. He has never had a day off sick in years. You would hope that a GP would realise that someone who never visits the doctor is not faking it.