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Mental health

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ramble ignore at will.

21 replies

needtomakeanamechange · 03/03/2011 16:26

just need to get some things out,
have name changed because I feel i am on here moaning too much
I just feel that I want to vent some stuff, had negletful childhood, have a narcisistic mother and my father was violent,
I learned not to raise my head above the parapit I also learned that there was nothing I could do that would make me acceptable to my parents.
I even at times craved my dad to beat me the way he did my sister jsut so that it showed he noticed me.
we were sent away to school when we were each 7 and to some extend it was a good move but it just actually felt like further rejection.
since then I have just totally yearned for them to find me acceptable, I can't seem to get past being 7 years old and wanting my mummy to love me.
I was sexually abused in my first year at senior school and from that I have ptsd.
It is taking soo long to get anywhere with therapy I just don't have the ability to trust and part of my brain trusts my therapist to tell me the truth, but then she says kind things about me and it automatically makes me feel she is lying be cause I am not an acceptable human being.

I am finding things so much harder since I became a mother, I don't know how to be a mum, the only thing I feel like I am doing is trying really hard to be an anthea turner "perfect housewife" I am roleplaying being a mummy because I have no fucking idea what I should be doing. I know I don't want too repeat the mistakes Mum made and have had a suicide attempt 3 years ago because I realised we all turn into our mums and I don't want to do that to my children.
It is all such a pickle.

right got to go and do that mummy thing and make tea there is loads more rambling I want to get off my chest, will be back.

OP posts:
madmouse · 03/03/2011 16:46

Ramble all you like - I'll listen even if there's not much else I can do.

I'm an abuse survivor too (so recognise a lot of what you write)and am recovering from PTSD - life is much better now so don't give up hope.

needtomakeanamechange · 03/03/2011 18:23

am back with further ramblings.
I find it frustrating that I have 2 distinct thought processes, one rational and intelligent and one emotional and irrational.
I have a lovely husband, I have done alot to try to push him away, Ihave hurt him throughout my main mental health crisis and yet he is still here. logical part of my head - he is here because he sees something in me that I am unable to see. Irrational part, he is holding out for me to leave him through either running off or death. I know he couldn't bear to leave his children and he stays because of them, and yet he tells me that I am lovely and that he would never go but of course he would say that!

I have friends and I try to do what I can to be a good person so that on judgement day whenever that comes maybe my actions will override what God can see of my soul. The logical part of my brain says I have friends because I try hard to be a good friend and the irrational part of my head says I have friends because I help out with other people children on the school run and make up numbers for trips to the cinema.

I am overweight,I don't have a good hygiene routine, and I don't feel that I will be here long enough to worry about my teeth falling out or the long term problems associated with excessive weight ( have a good 2 stone to loose) somehow I feel better being fat and ugly it seems to be an accurate representation of who I am inside.

oh sorry just seen the time got to go and run the bath for the children. will be back

OP posts:
needtomakeanamechange · 03/03/2011 18:44

right children in the bath,
have to go out tonight so going to start to load on the facepaint

OP posts:
needtomakeanamechange · 03/03/2011 19:19

not going out, feeling too poo,

OP posts:
FourFortyFour · 03/03/2011 19:20

You need to see your GP and ask for more help.

needtomakeanamechange · 03/03/2011 19:31

its ok, I am getting lots of help, see a clinical psychologist every week for 2 hours am on tablets and have details of the cmh team just rambling thats all.

OP posts:
ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 04/03/2011 16:59

Sorry about yesterday, just needed to get stuff off my chest, feel so exhausted by it all, but don't think I should ramble any more.

FourFortyFour · 04/03/2011 17:26

We are still here to listen if you need it.

Take care.

madmouse · 04/03/2011 17:34

had a suspicion it was you but obviously didn't want to out you. We have pm-ed before - you know where I am

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 04/03/2011 17:44

thanks ladies
I am trying to get a phrase into my head.
I need to pluck up the courage to say firmly to mum "are you being grossly insensitive or are you trying to hurt me"
no idea how the conversation will go after that but really want to be able to say it.
Going to take some sleeping pills tonight because it has been over a week since I had a good nights sleep and that isn't helping the rational side of my brain win any internal arguments.
At least tomorrow is saturday and my dh is home and I can hide all day.
Thanks again x

midnightblues · 04/03/2011 17:47

Hi Greyskull. I don't usually write stuff on here any more, but I lurk! What you have said so far makes a lot of sense, in the way that a lot of people here will have empathy and understanding. I, for one, seem to have a lot in common with your upbringing and the associated feelings of low self esteem etc. It takes a long time in therapy to feel better, and it sometimes feels worse in therapy for a while.

I have "done" 18 months of therapy and I'm still there! But I am feeling so much better about myself. I used to feel nothing for myself, I didn't care about myself, but now I have learned to care for myself and start to like myself. It can happen to you too with lots of support.

May I be bold enough to make a suggestion? When I was struggling badly last year (eating disorder, self harm etc) I went to see a holistic healing type of lady (she did Reiki and kinesiology and other things). It was wonderful. And not expensive! Just so soothing and very helpful to my ed. She somehow managed to break the chain between food and emotion, and generally helped me feel stronger. Is it something you could find? It calmed me down a lot.

MN also helped me a lot (and I remember you were there for me, I was twoisplenty) so please ramble to us.

midnightblues · 04/03/2011 17:51

I'm not sure confronting you mum will be helpful to you, because she may well hurt you even more. Perhaps it would be better to protect yourself from her and work with your therapist on a good way to stand firm against your mum without giving her the ammunition to hurt you more. If that makes sense?

I have learned to be nice and polite to my mum and avoid any situations where she can hurt me. If she hurts me anyway then I now have the self confidence to realise how pathetic she is, and I don't take her nastiness to heart.

Wow! Therapy is working for me!!!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 04/03/2011 17:55

thanks midnightblues, what a kind post. I am so pleased that it is working for you.
and you are right about the confrontation, it is just that in the last week she has been so viscious it has made me feel like I am back at the bottom of a pit.

It is my poor sisters go today, she is there for 3 days and after the first hour I have already had a message from her saying she can't stand it.

right dh home so I am going to have a bath.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/03/2011 20:18

anyone around to hold my hand, just ended up screaming at my mother on the phone and I m in a state.

madmouse · 05/03/2011 20:24

I'm here -on here, pm or yahoo chat/fb if you want

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/03/2011 20:56

Thanks MM, isn't it always the way that the straw tht breaks the camels back is something so irrelevant

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/03/2011 20:58

I now have weeks of payback and sillyness todeal with, I have to learn to bite my tongue the fell out is going to be horrid.

madmouse · 05/03/2011 21:04

want to talk about it?

will she now punish you for 'hurtung her' badly?

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/03/2011 21:06

yep, punish in the way that no one else will really understand but my sister and I thankfully understand.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/03/2011 21:07

sorry to cry out for help but then run, DH is running me a bath and I am going to take some alcohol with me.
can we talk tomorrow?

madmouse · 05/03/2011 21:36

bath sounds good

talk when you need to

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