I still wish I wasn't here

[MogadoredMemoo]

Despite all the meds, therapy, hospital stay, counselling etc I still wish I was dead.

This is all really

Not expecting anybody to be able to help me just wanted to say it out loud, and it's not like I can put it as my facebook status is it!

dont really know what to say mogad just wanted you to know theres people here if you want to talk

Have you tried speaking/eamiling the Samaritans this eveing?

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I don't know your 'story'...But hope you can find some light in the darkness

Thanks, don't know what else to say either. Think I've done more than enough talking, just realising that nothings really changed. I just hide it better. If my kids weren't here I'd kill myself tomorrow which is a bit sad but better get use to being miserable as it seems to be my permanent state.

Thanks val but there isn't really any point, think I'm beyond help.

No one is EVER beyond help.

It might feel that way to you right at this moment. But that's NOT the case.

i know this may sound silly but have they tried different meds? Maybe even writing things down may help

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in a few weeks so will have a chat with him about my meds.

Oh mOg I don't really have much of use to say but I wish I did and could help. My Dad has tried to end it all 6 times in the last few years and its heartbreaking for everyone him most of all. Don't know what to say. Are the basics in place for you, ie supportive friends, loving family, a secure home?

They're changing his meds from AD's to something for post traumatic stress disorder. Might that be something that could apply to you?

Memoo - you will NEVER be beyond help. I know this has been such a long long haul for you and i'm sorry I havent got anything more useful to write but do just be really honest at the appointment. Take Care xx

Phone up gp this morning but had to see a locum. Have a few days of diazepam and he has told me to up the buspirone. He made me feel worse though really. Asked me what it was in my life that was making me so 'unhappy' and when I couldn't identify anything he looked at me like I was stupid. Diazepam has calmed me down but I'm so tired now, just want to go to bed and sleep. Can't get warm either.

The locum has no idea what talking about and doesnt understand. Just try and tell yourself that. ANd that this particular appointment was just a means to an end to get something the help you be a bit calmer for the next few days.

Asking questions like'what it is in your life' just shows the total lack of understanding.

Hope you get some rest and can get warm.

Hi Memoo
I am sorry hear you are feeling rock bottom.
Have you made an appointment to see your usual GP? And have you any mental health support from assessment units/ support agencies etc? Can you get an emergency appointment with your therapist? If you have phone them or get someone to do it on your behalf.

I have seen you around some of same threads I have been on lately and I thought you sounded a little brighter so I am sad to hear you are struggling. It's possibly a meds imbalance so please make that appointment to see your Dr.

Take care

My usual Gp is back next week so I'm going to see him because he is fab. The locum had no idea at all. I practically had to beg him to give me a few days of diazepam. Some people have no idea about how debilitating anxiety is. They think it means you're just a bit stressed or worried. The locum didn't seem to get just what a physical affect it can have.

I am cheery at times on here, mn is like my escape from the real world. It's just my bad days quickly deteriate into bad weeks and Im really scared of ending up in hospital again.

hi there Moga

i know this isn't really the 'done thing' to refer across thread but you're fighting the good fight on another thread - that's come from within YOU , there's fire in that there belly

Glynis, thanks for that, you're right and that's given me a bit if a boost!

you're welcome

some days even smiling at a stranger gives me anxiety, but to receive a smile in return helps it melt away

[off to boke at myself now ]

Very true though! X

Hi Memoo - so sorry too and for all us struggling with MH issues. I have still not recovered from severe depression last Easter. Just seeing the Easter eggs in the shops scares me as it reminds me of last year. I get days and days of bad days and I just want to not be here too, just want to evaporate, want out of life.

The psychiatrist came for follow up visit this week and asked me quite seriously "what makes the bad days bad" like I could say "oh well if it's raining, if I've done too much the day before" or something as tangible. They just don't get it do they. I sometimes wish these medics could have a week of severe depression (or more) just to know what it feelslike.

Sorry if I'm repeating something cus I've put it on a lot of threads - written in a book called "Climbing out of Depression" by Sue Atkinson who is not a medic, just a woman who has suffered depression several times and this is her description of severe depression:

"It feels like you are on alien plant, been struck blind, deaf, dumb, paralysed and penniless and as you are none of these things people cannot see your
depression. You cry out but no one can hear"

Well we can hear Memoo and can continue to support each other.