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just let the mask slip (sorry long)

4 replies

weltschmerz · 02/03/2011 16:25

Namechanged for here... sorry this is probably going to be very long but I need to get it off my chest before I go nuts (or more so than usual)

I've had depression on and off since I was 16 - the first time I had crap counselling and it resolved itself when I went to university; the second time I had great counselling and it got better from a very scary position in a fairly short time; and then after a stress-related spell before maternity leave, it came back with a vengeance after DD was born.

It took ages for me to be diagnosed (everyone assumed I was just tired) and even longer for me to get a referral to a counsellor, so DD was almost six months old by the time I saw the counsellor for the first time. I was hearing voices telling me to self-harm or take an overdose, felt constantly that DD would be better off if I died and didn't usually stop crying from mid-afternoon until long into the night. Things improved a bit when I went back to work and the voices became less frequent, but there were still some scary episodes where I had to really fight off the urge to self-harm (usually over a small thing like breaking a plate or DH noticing the house was dirty)

Anyway, unsurprisingly everyone started to let me know that they were finding it all really hard - DH says he can't cope with me being miserable and upset, my mum says she's losing patience with me and I don't dare even start to reveal to anyone else how miserable I feel.

So, in the absence of anything else, I started to keep myself phenomenally busy so I wouldn't have room for reminding myself how worthless I am and could at least say that although I'm no fun, I can't play properly with DD, I'm a crap friend, a crap mum, a terrible IL and generally pretty thick, at least I can be useful. I also tried laughing whenever I felt like crying - a really false laugh like "Oh, ahahahahah! Isn't that funny how Mummy's just knocked something over even though it really hurts! Hahaha!" I don't ever believe it for a second, but always had this sort of hope that I'd really find everything funny eventually IYSWIM.

So DH comes home not to a crying mess but someone who won't sit down until collapsing exhausted at 10pm; my mum has a happy-smiley-jolly-isn't-everything-just-wonderful daughter that she wants, and I know I'm going mad.

I had my final session at the counsellors today and she was really shocked. Apparently she thought I was doing pretty well, had a really strong bond with DD and was a 'natural' at this motherhood business and had no idea of the extent of my depression until now. It seems like the one thing anyone thinks I'm any good at is hiding the depression... shame I'm not much cop at anything else really Sad

The thing that scares me witless is that now I've let the mask slip I have no idea how to put it back again.. I've almost lost DH to being a miserable arsehole, my mum would stop speaking to me if she knew how miserable I was and it's hardly fair to DD to bring her up with someone who isn't happy.

Sorry to witter on like some sort of verbal incontinent. It does get better... doesn't it? Confused

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 02/03/2011 16:32

You poor thing. Are you getting help from your GP?

Counselling is all very well, but it sounds as if you need more support and possibly antidepressants, if you are not already on them.

Are you sure your mum and DP would react in the way you describe?

madmouse · 02/03/2011 16:41

mmm I think you might really benefit from some antidepressants.

Thinking that everyone is fed up with you is illness thinking.

It's incredibly stressful to have a depressed partner (I know both sides - am recovering from PTSD and have DH with clinical depression)so you probably picked up some neg vibes from your dh, but you may not interpret them right.

weltschmerz · 02/03/2011 16:56

Thanks. I'm going to the GP on Friday and hope she does prescribe antidepressants - I wanted to go on them before, but was strongly advised by HV not to as it would interfere with breastfeeding (I stopped at 4 months, to HV's annoyance, so really not a problem now).

I guess the worst of it is that my mum has actually said she's fed up with me, my DH tells me he feels he can't say anything to me as he doesn't know how I'll react and he wishes I would be more jovial like I once was.

It's like I've become this awful person over the last year and can't get rid of it at all - worse still that said awful person is the only mum DD has Sad

OP posts:
madmouse · 02/03/2011 17:15

Well DH is telling you the truth - he's a bloke and he wants to make things better but he can't and that's getting to him - it's ok for him to feel like that, doesn't mean he's fed up with you.

Your Mum - well you're going to have to disregard her for a while if that is the cr*p she spouts (sorry)

And I'm peed off with your HV for saying Ads would interfere with BF - most of them are not suitable when Bf but some of them are - and they change nothing about the feeding (supply etc)so they don't interfere!

I'm glad you see that you're the only mum dd has - hold on to that x

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