Advice re. abuse

[mrsnewname]

hello, i have name changed and changed some of my personal details. Also not sure if this is the right thread, hopefully someone will point me in the right direction if not..

anyway, on paper have a good life, dh, 2 dcs, good career, loving (slightly off the wall but in a good way) family. BUT a long time ago was abused by a friend of older db over a period of about 6 months i think(i was 6, he was 18). he was "great" with children (of course!) and offered to babysit for local families. anyway, looking back i was obviously traumatised in that started bedwetting, playing up at school, stealing things from friends, running high temperatures for no apparent reason(genius). I never told my family and he moved away.

Then I buried it for years and it seemed to have had very little impact (did well at school, no apparent problems with sex/relationships). Anyway (sorry this is turning out to be long), i now realise that i have just buried the issue rather than dealing with it..my dh and i have had a few issues and i have real problems with physical and emotional intimacy with him. i am also worried that db's "friend" will have gone on to abuse other children (he is married with dcs from google searches).

my questions are (1) can anyone recommend which sort of counselling would be best and (2) could i go to the police and way that i would be a witness if any other cases come to light. i know that seems like a massive copout but the details are really hazy and at the moment i don't think i want to go through a court case etc. to be honest i just want to talk to someone inpartial at the moment..! dh is a bit rubbish (can't handle it)
Sorry this is long.

Hi - my story is incredibly similar to yours but I'm on the other side of two years of treatment. Happy to talk about it but feeling fragile right now so rather by private message if that's ok.

In general avoid CBT counselling. You need your time to unravel defence mechanisms and behaviours that you have made your own over many years. You can go to the BACP website and find someone local to you who has experience in abuse work or there may be a specialist support organisation near you, I'm in the Midlands and I had fab counselling from an organisation called Safeline in Warwick.

I went to the police about my abusers and it was quite a traumatic process, so only do it if you feel able to. I did it because I was worried that my foster brother had gone on to abuse other children. The police were great and very supportive, but the CPS weren't interested because there were no witnesses or physical evidence. You end up feeling that you're not believed by them and that can make you feel very bad, but you just have to understand that you're doing it just in case there are other people who've reported the abuser. Don't take the process personally and try to see the bigger picture.

I don't know much about counselling as I've never really managed to find a decent counsellor.

good luck x

Hi madmouse, thanks very much, would be very grateful to hear your story and of course PM is fine.

ilovemyhens - sorry to hear that you didn't feel believed, i hope you are feeling better about things now..i actually don't really want to press charges BUT i do want to be 'on file' in case something else comes to light.

I would also be interested (not sure if that's the right word) in how common it is for abusers to abuse again OR if it's possible for it to be a 1-off (hard to gather reliable statistics i guess). Thanks once again x

That's one thing I can tell you - the statistics are very clear cut - abusers rarely stick to one victim

Whatever you decide to do that is something you need to be aware of. Don't kid yourself thinking you were their only victim.