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Mental health

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Original poster

I am feeling very suicidal

23 replies

2littlegreenmonkeys · 25/02/2011 20:03

I'll keep this brief as I am on my phone having had to get out of the house for a walk
I am seeing a counsellor my next appointment isn't until the middle of next month. The lady i saw almost 4 weeks ago gave me some contacts if I felt suicidal and was struggling at all. I have been to our local samaritans who are supposed to have a drop in centre open till 8.30pm and it was closed. My DDs are my biggest factor in never going through with any suicidal thoughts. But tonight has been different. I was about to carve the meat for tea and as I took the knife out Of the block I wanted nothing more than to cut my wrists there and then. Tried talking to DH but mental health problems do not exsist in his world so no go there. I have no real friends I could call on and my family are pretty much like DH when it comes to mental health.

I have had various problems for as long as I can remember and as best I could always dealt with it myself. Until I had DD1. I asked my gp for help and he referee me to a place called Open minds who are helping and this is where I see my counsellor and also go go a group meeting.

I guess I just come here to speak and get myself through.

I am so scared I will do something stupid.

OP posts:

doricpatter · 25/02/2011 20:07

Can you phone the Samaritans instead? I know you'll get help here - do keep posting - but I think maybe you should talk to someone IRL. I'm also on my phone but will try to find you the number, back soon.

doricpatter · 25/02/2011 20:08

08457909090 - please phone them now.

KirstyJC · 25/02/2011 20:09

08457 90 90 90 - the Samaritans phone number in the UK.

And yes, do keep posting. I've not been in this position myself but I know loads of people on here will be able to offer you some fantastic support and advice.

GetDownYouWillFall · 25/02/2011 20:09

OK, first of all, well done for admitting these feelings. You need to talk about them, and if your family and DH won't listen, you need to find people that will. I'm glad your GP took you seriously and you now have a support group and a counsellor.

So sorry that you are going through such a crisis this evening. I am very sad for you that the samaritans drop in was closed it strikes me this is very unusual for them.

Have you got an out of hours crisis line you can call? I think most NHS trusts have one.

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 25/02/2011 20:13

Thank you I need to pluck up some courage to call them stupidly I am one of those people who finds it easier to talk face to face. I will phone them though mightjust take me a while.

OP posts:

FourFortyFour · 25/02/2011 20:14

The Samaritans can help or post on here and we will listen.

FourFortyFour · 25/02/2011 20:15

You can email the Samaritans as well though you might have to wait for a reply.

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 25/02/2011 20:19

I didn't know I could email them I will do that once I get home thank you

OP posts:

tralalala · 25/02/2011 20:22

I've felt suicidal before and come through the otherside. I think about those days and cannot believe I ever felt those thoughts.

They will pass when you get the help you need.

You are doing brilliantly coming on here. How long have you been feeling like this?

findingthepath · 25/02/2011 20:23

Keep posting we are here for you ((((hugs))))

Is there anything you would like to talk about?

Is there a cafe that is open late that you can get a coffee in with other people in near by?

You are less likely to do anything in front of strangers.

kizzie · 25/02/2011 20:23

I read something once about suicidal thoughts that other people had found helpful.

"If you just cant get the thoughts out of your head. Set a date for 2 years time. And say if life continues to be this unbearable, every minute of every day for the next 2 years then I will give myself permission to consider it again.

2 years isnt that long - its not like telling yourself you have to stay like this for the next 40 years. But then put it to one side and force yourself to think of other things.

And long long before the 2 years comes up you will feel much much better than you do tonight"

Do ring the samaritans. And get everything out, as much as you possibly can.

You sound like a very strong person to me to have been dealing with lots of difficulties basically on your own. You'll get through this too - but i know it is very very hard.

thinking of you x

findingthepath · 25/02/2011 20:24

The feeling will pass you just have to hold in there for a bit longer

RoobyMurray · 25/02/2011 20:25

If you feel like you're going to act on these feelings you can go straight to A&E.

So sorry you are feeling this way. Keep posting.

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 25/02/2011 20:30

I have felt suicidal for the last 6 months or so but my other mental health Problems can be traced back to when I was about 7 years old I am now 31!
I have extreme anxiety disorder, OCD, depression and PND after I had DD2. my OCD is linked to my anxiety butis almost under control now so I have no outlet for my anxiety which my OCD did. It was then that the thoughts of suicide started. When I was 15 I attempted suicide but looking back it was more of a cry for help. My parents knew and did nothing!

U fortunately there no cafe nearby that is open. I am sat on a bench at a bus stop on a busy road!

OP posts:

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 25/02/2011 20:34

Thank you everyone. Rustles good thing to try kizzie thank you.

I am feeling calmer just being out of the house TBH.

OP posts:

kizzie · 25/02/2011 20:34

where abouts in the country are you. Totally understand if you dont want to stay.

I wonder whether these thoughts are in a way your OCD finding another of getting to you. (The knife thought you mentioned earlier is a very common OCD thought.)

It WILL pass - as the others have said.

Is there anyone in RL who might be able to talk to DH for you. Or do you think there is any chance he might come along to one of the counselling sessions with you?

kizzie · 25/02/2011 20:37

The thoughts earlier will have really frightened you - and sent your body into a panic fight or flight response. Good idea to go for the walk. will have used up some of the stress hormones.

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 25/02/2011 20:43

I'm in humberside.
DH can't/won't see I need to be able to talk to him. I am sure if I asked him to come with me to a session he would but I doubt he would understand that mental health is an illness and not something that sufferers can just snap out of. In my family mental healt issues do not exist mother would be mortified if she knew I was seeing a counsellor. She would be too worried about what other peoPle would think of her having a daughter who had mental health problems. Dad does as he is told by mum and the world revolves around my brother so he wouldn't notice anyway. MIL is mist likely the only one I could talk to but I feel so stupid to try.

I think I need to make my way home and crawl into bed early. I am feeling much calmer now I knew I would once I spoke to someone which is Why I came out to go to the samaritains. Thank you ladies you have helped lots.

OP posts:

doricpatter · 25/02/2011 21:27

Do talk to your MIL. I'm sure she'd want to support you. Hope you feel brighter soon.

maddie04 · 25/02/2011 21:41

Hi just wanted to say hope you are ok and I totally understand your feelings of not wanting your parents to know, mine are the same especially my dad and it would be all about them, as for their world revolving around your brother, I understand only too well its so frustrating isn't it.
I dont really tell people because I always feel like they would be thinking that I was just being a child but when your going through it, it hurts so much.
Take care x x x

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 25/02/2011 21:50

I am in E Yorks (nearer the York end) and have been through similar if you want to meet up for a coffee some time. (I don't drive but could come to Hull on the bus if you like.)

you are very sensible to get out of the house and talk to people. and RoobyMurray is right, if you are afraid you are going to act on it you can go to A&E.
do phone Samaritans, saying it all aloud is even more of a release than typing it on the internet, I promise it will help.

kizzie · 25/02/2011 23:03

Im so glad you are feeling calmer.

It does sound like it might be worth trying to talk to your MIL.
Sorry Im not anywhere near you - but do come back here if you ever want people to 'talk' to. Its been a big help to me at different times x

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 26/02/2011 09:24

hope you're ok this morning.

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