Previous self harm, worried about giving birth.

[nctpg]

Hi, I've name changed for this althouh I know I probably shouldn't have as the less open we all are about subjects like this the more of a taboo they become.

Anyway, during my early to mid teans I had a problem with self harm. I had a lot of serious issues at the time, which I have now had counselling for and haven't cut myself for several years. I have several quite big and very noticable scars on the top of my thighs and I'm beginnig to get worried about the midwives and Drs seeing them when I give birth in a couple of months. I'm really worried they're going to think I'm going to be a bad parent and will get social services involved. Also, as the only place I have scars in on my legs I've never really had to explain them to anybody so don't know what to say if I'm asked how I got them.

I'm just wondering if anybody else has been in this situation, and am hoping that somebody will tell me that I'm being paraniod!

I think you should be open about it if they ask. Be frank and tell them that you self-harmed, but you've had proffessional help and you don't feel the need to do it anymore. Please don't worry that they'll take DC from you for a few scars, it really doesn't work like that

and yes, you are being paranoid

At my booking in with one of my kids the mw noticed my scars (I was less sensible and mutilated my arm) and asked me about them. I was honest, told her i'd had issues with self harm and depression but hadn't had any problems since having my first child 3 years earlier. I think she jotted it on my notes but it was never mentioned again other than a doctor on the PN ward telling me to be extra vigilant for PND and ask for help if I needed it.

Try not to worry, they've seen it all and as long as they're satisfied that it's in the past all they'll do is possibly keep a closer eye on your for PND which is no harm at all.

Thank you so much for answering and putting my mind at rest.

The problem is I wasn't honest about it at the midwife booking appointment and when she asked about previous mental health problems I said no and didn't really think it through .

It's something that I really don't want to start talking about inbetween contractions!

I lied with my first two pregnancies as well as I was a bit worried and they never even mentioned the scars at any other appointments or the birth. I only came clean with my third as she specifically asked about them and obviously knew exactly what they were.

There's a lot of stigma about self harm and it can be difficult to admit to it, especially to a stranger who you feel will judge you. I doubt I was the only other self harmer who lied about it... the difference between me and you though was i was still actively self harming until half way through my first pregnancy... at least you've stopped already and can honestly say it's in the past (as much as it ever can be)

I also have very badly scarred thighs from self harm. I've given birth four times and had smear tests etc. When people ask, and they do, I tell them I went through a bad time x years ago. No one has asked further questions so far. I find the older I've got, the less embarassed I've become about it all. It's part of me and my life.

I have felt the same way as you though in the past. It'll be ok, really. Look forward to your little bundle

Thanks. I'm feeling really down about the whole thing at the moment to be honest, I really don't need anything extra to worry about while giving birth. I just feel so stupid for doing it in the first place.

I know how you feel. I don't know how to make you feel better though. You will feel better but that's not helping for now. I had councelling after my first son was born, (I asked for it), I was told I was taking the anger and frustration out on myself and so was unlikely to hurt a child. So true. My first son is 21 now.
A for you. Try not to dwell on this aspect, it's part of your life so far.. Your birth and baby will create new challenges, a lot of them good..

nctpg
Don't worry !!

I had the same thing as you but my scars are on both arms so when ever i had my blood pressure taken they could be seen !!

When i had my first appointment with the MW i felt like i had to explain myself and actually said to her ..... do you think im going to make a terrible mother ??? will you need to tell social services now ???

She just laughed at me and said NOT TO WORRY that loads of people have been through self harm in the past and it has no bearing on your ability to raise a happy child !!!!!!

Don't feel ashamed of what has happened to you, that is as they say LIFE oh and the way i try to look at it is that if my 2DD's ever go through horrible feelings(fingers crossed that they never will) about them selves, at least i will be able to really understand how they feel and maybe ..hopefully will be able to help them better !!

Good Luck XXXXXX

Everyone is right that you really don't have to worry about it: no one will be led by your scars to think you will be a bad mother. I would hope that most midwives would have the tact not to mention them at a time when you are focussed on much more important matters and perhaps feeling vulnerable. But if it is upsetting you now, I would think it might be worth having a chat with your doctor or midwife. That would help you by getting the issue diffused in advance, and perhaps it could even be mentioned in your birth plan that you would rather not talk about it during the birth. There isn't any need to talk it over in advance though -- unless that would make you feel better.