Depressed boyfriend broke up with me.

[allalonegirl]

i was with my b/f for 8 years, we lived together for the past 3 years

Problems started in January. He said to me one day he was going to leave then changed his mind. this then happened another occasion before he eventually left. He said to me that everything had crashed down on his - debt, gambling problem, work problems and also some family health problems. He said when he went that he was not sure what was making him unhappy and thought that perhaps it could have been me. This all came as a complete shock to me and was completely out of the blew.

He then went, initially it was supposed to be a break for a month but within 5 days he said to me that he loved me but was not in love with me and that he would not be coming back.

he was not speaking to close friends, family members and was shutting everyone out. He then started to mix with people he does not hang around with and went out and got completly wrecked and met some other girl. he told me he was sending her messages and a few weeks ago they started seeing each other. she is the complete opposite to me and he said that she has suffered with depression in the past and she understands him.

he does not seem happy. also he is looking for any excuse to try and contact me and cannot go more than say 4 or 5 days without geting in touch. he also is trying to keep tabs on me and constantly asks me what i am up to, whether i have been out, who i was with etc.

i can tell he is very down but he thinks now that this new girl is making him happy.

i am wondering whether u think depression is the reason he has latched on to this girl? why is he still contact me though? if anyone is able to offer any advice or share their similar experience it would be greatly received.

Your boyfriend may be depressed but he is also treating you like sh*t.

Depression makes everything hard including making decisions so that may explain it, but it is not good for you and you matter.

My advice (and I have a DH who struggles with depression and have also been in quite a bad place myself) is to cut off all contact with him. Tell him that as he obviously loves the other girl you and he are over. Then move on. Don't let him do this to you jsut because he is depressed. He still has responsibility to behave reasonably.

Depression could well be the reason he has latched on to this girl, it is giving him a high just like spending money and gambling (and in others drinking, sex addictions, drugs). Depression can make people make uncharacteristic decisions, but although the illness can help a person make stupid decisions, they are still fully able to understand the difference between right and wrong, and this guy dumped you and is dating and sleeping with someone else. Be grateful that you don't have to put up with him and his problems anymore, and move on and look after yourself would be my advice.

(I also have a DH with depression).

thank you for your replies. TO livinginazoo, would u say there was a possibility he would realise what a mistake he's made?

i am so grateful for u taking the time to respond x

Maybe, who knows. He might go to his GP, get the medication/therapy he needs and realise a year or two down the line that he made a judgement error. Or he might not. Depression can make you feel negatively towards your relationship (and everything else), or he could just have been unhappy with you? Either way, having been through enough crap because of my DH's depression, no way would I accept being treated in that way, whether it was the illness or not I could never forgive being dumped and cheated on. Just because you are depressed does not mean you have no social radar, you still know what is right and what is wrong and where the boundaries lie.

You didn't mention whether he has been diagnosed with depression? What if he is just having a midlife crisis and you are the victim here?