Urgent advice please- brother suicidal

[countless]

I don't know if this is the correct place to post..but I need advice please.

My db is mid 20's, has had diabolical childhood/awful teens. He has split from long term girlfriend 6 months ago, moved back to the family home in town he's always hated.

He cut me out of his life after minor argument 8 years ago (I lived abroad), also hasn't spoken to my sister his only sibling for 18 months.

He has a lot of painful issues and this has been his way of coping. On Friday night he sent me and my sister an email with his phone number saying only please call or text me. I saw this yesterday, my sister spoke to him first and he later sent another message to say I needn't phone as it would be too much at once. I replied that I can understand as I'm quite nervous too but that I'm here.

I've just spoken to my sister and she's related their 3 hr conversation yesterday. He said basically "I'm fucked, I need you and (countless)" He's been trying to cope, he's paying for his own weekly counselling but he's drinking heavily every night, on anti depressants. Has talked to sympathetic gp. Last Saturday he took himself to A&E as he was overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, didn't attempt suicide though. He has been referred to psychiatrist now, hopefully jumping the 1 yr waiting list gp warned of.

But basically, I am now aware that he's feeling suicidal. But only via my sister so I don't feel I can talk to him directly yet. We're on the cusp of contact after 8 years of zero contact. She lives outside UK, I live 4hr drive from db. He is at home with his father, not an awful man but dysfunctional on so many levels. My sister doesn't want to tell their father anything yet as brother has trusted her and their father is an emotional wreck who they both feel responsible for.

What can I do to help fast? My ds's close friend committed suicide only a few months ago. In the weeks before he died he suddenly reached out to everyone around him totally out of character but of course no-one realised he was actually suicidal. And despite loving friends and family he really did follow through.

countless, this is horrendous for you, I'm so sorry.

You can't be responsible for him, but you can let him know that you are there, in whatever way you feel comfortable with. text/phone/email - make a connection.

He's done the right thing by going to A&E, and, hopefully, they will have assessed him and put him in touch with people who can offer advice and support. If he was saying he was suicidal he will be taken seriously, there will be no 1yr waiting list, he will be monitored closely.

Unfortunately, some people are so very ill that they feel like this no matter what family and friends they have around them, but you can always try to make things better if that's what you want.

He needs to go back to his GP as well so his GP can push fore referrals to a CPN, crisis team contact, whatever he thinks is appropriate. He may need his anti depressents altering. I'm sorry this is happening but its good that he's seeking help.

ring him

just ring him

tell him that you love him and you have been thinking about him

Not an expert on this but just wanted you to know you have been read. If it were me I would just send a text saying you love him and are there for him whenever he needs you, when he is ready. At least he knows you are there. The mental health professionals will take any threat of suicide seriously and he will get urgent help. I can understand how you feel but there is not much else you can do till you know HIS feelings about how you could help.

Since the situation sounds so complex and difficult, have you considered talking it through with a counsellor yourself? It might let you come to terms with the argument, period not speaking etc. so that you are more able to be calm and receptive when he contacts you.

Countless, I agree with Rooby - the best thing (and probably from 4 hrs away the only thing) you can do is reach out to him, let him know you are there for him, thinking of him and how much he means to you.

I agree, if he has been assessed by a mental health team they will react quickly. I work in mental health and if anyone is assessed as suicidal they get the services they need as quickly as possible.

It really will make a difference if he can know there is someone thinking of him. Good luck and be strong. I'll be thinking of you.

i want to ring him and say just that custardo but i know he will be freaked out by the direct contact and i can't risk him feeling betrayed by our sister discussing their conversation.

this is such a fragile first step to contact and good that he's instigated it but i'm scared he'll shut off if he's not in control. we have sent 2 very short emails back and forth. i'm thinking to text tomorrow so he has my number.

i'm amazed by his braveness at tackling this. my sister says he's very emotionally intelligent. but he's totally alone, no family other than his father.

i hope that the gp and dr's he's talked to are taking him seriously. feel very frightened for him. i've always been concerned for him but now feel in a panic as minutes tick by

eightieschick thankyou very good advice

and everyone, thanks for replies. i'm going to text him my number as a start. he's just started a fb account, a massive thing for him he's intensely private. there are 3 friends he works with. a good sign

thanks again

Countless, so sorry you and your family are going through this. Your db really needs to get into a hospital asap(like tomorrow). Go to A & E and say he's suicidal. If you feel this is a serious threat, please get anyone you know to help you, and don't let him be on his own. He needs a lot of support and professional help.

I lost my brother four years ago, and it was such a waste of a wonderful man and his life.

Lots of love and support to you, you are a lovely sister! xx

..

Sorry to hear this, but previous posters have said most of my thoughts already. My own db was in a similar state a few weeks ago, but is now recovering well.

Hopefully, A&E will have organised help, but if you're really worried and need to check on him etc, the local crisis team would probably look into it. Some towns have a separate agency which just calls on vulnerable people on behalf of distant relatives, the Safeguarding Adults Service, just in case you feel he needs help before NHS contact him.

Hope all goes well for you all.

thank you galletti, i'm so sorry you have lost your brother.
i am very frightened. i know a lot more 'facts' about suicide than a few months ago, when ds's friend died. i think you're right he needs immediate and constant support, even if he doesn't 'want' it. i'm going to try and talk to him in some way tomorrow

sleep well

thank you shodatin, i shall search for more information
hope your db recovers well

Best wishes countless. Keeping in contact is best thing you can do.
Yes, db is making good recovery thanks, and thanks to A&E who were brilliant.

shodatin- can i ask how has your db managed to cope? what is helping him recover?

just as i was about to sleep last night my db contacted me via fb, he said he was drunk and messed up and needed his family. he asked if he can come and see me this weekend. i replied yes and we sent messages back and forth for an hour, all positive and told each other we love each other. we've never spoken like this before but he was a hurt and angry teenager last time we spoke. and i'm a middle aged mum now so we're very different

i'm assuming nights and especially weekends are very hard for him at the moment. my sister said he's drinking a lot in the evenings. i'm happy he's made direct contact now and i hope he'll open up and feel supported by me but i feel he's very much in the danger zone and i want to get advice on how to support him

i'm scared he may be tying up loose ends and making peace before he goes if you see what i mean

There is some really good advice about how to talk to him on the Samaritans website.