who can i talk to?

[needtotalksoon]

I need some help. I am really struggling to control my emotions with my 2 DC.

I have a 2.6 year DD and 6 Mo DS. I feel like i suffered a little with PND with my DD, but got through it. We didn't bond well but before my DS was born i felt like we were getting there. Since DS that has gone down the drain, which is not surprising. The problem is that i feel like i am pushing them both away now.

I am such a horrible mum. My DS cries a lot, but i seem to have got to a stage where i just can't deal with him any more - i tend to ignore him for a good while before going to him. His cries make me angry instead of invoking sympathy.

I am frustrated with my DD's behaviour even though she's just acting her age. I get really angry that she won't entertain potty training and say some really mean things as if that is going to persuade her.

I shout at both of them. Each time it happens i hate myself for it because i know how wrong it is and how destructive it will be for our relationship. I tell myself that i don't need to to carry on like this that i will start doing thing right, but next time i do the same thing. I seem to be really tightly wound and can't control my temper.

The more time I spend with them the more i hate myself for not being good for them.

I need to talk to someone to try to stop this, but i can't talk to anyone i know because i am too ashamed and i don't want to lose my DH/friends/mum. I feel very trapped and alone at the moment.

I am gutted as its the last time i will have a baby and i really wanted to make this one work.

Dear needtotalk

first you are not a bad mum
second you must speak to your HV it sounds like you need some extra support

I spoke to my HV and now i have a home-start volunteer that comes in to see us once a week. She is a lovely lady and we have become friends and i trust her with my feelings and thoughts. Nobody is going to judge you for feeling the way you do.

Being a full-time mummy is bl**dy hard work and a crying six month old would get anyone down. Do you have much in the way of family support? also have you spoken to anyone at one of the local children's centres in your area? can you get to a local children's centre? the staff there are very helpful. I hope this helps. I don't want to say 'PND' because i am not a GP but if you start talking to your HV she may suggest you go and see the GP perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed.

I guess i am quite scared of talking to anyone in authority.
I get a lot of help from my DH and i guess practically speaking I am a good mum... emotionally though I am shameful.

You are not shameful. You are frustrated and fed up and all mums feel like this at some time or another, really. Please take showme's advice and talk to someone as soon as you can.

NEED to talk - I am not a medic but it sounds like it could be PND - there are so many young mums on her suffering from this horrid illness. I am wondering why you are afraid of talking to anyone in authority and am guessing (sorry if I am wrong) that you children may be taken away from you. IF this is the case, please can I assure you that this will not happen. I am a retired social worker and manager with 30 years experience in childrens social work.

The GP or HV will not refer you to social services unless there is a significant risk of harm to your children. From your post this clearly isn't the case - you love your children but can't cope because of how you are feeling at the moment. Even if ss did get involved they will be there to support you, NOT take your children away.

Please talk to your HV or GP and tell them how you are feeling and how diffiult you are finding looking after your little ones at the moment, stressing that you feel so guilty because you want to do better for them. You have a lot in insight - you know that things aren't right at the moment and want to put them right and the way to do that is to get yourself right, which may need
ADs or counselling or both.

SO - will you come back and tell us that you hare going to trust people in authority. You will not be telling them anyhting that they haven't heard hundreds of times before. Two little ones under 2 is incredibly hard work in any event and if you are feeling low and probably not getting much sleep, this is going to make things worse.

Sending you warm wishes - and PLEASE talk to your HV or GP.

Sorry few typos - you have a lot OF insight, not a lot IN insight just one of them! Last para "will you come back and tel us that you ARE not hARE going to trust people in authority.

Me again - need to talk - I have just re-read your post and noticed you say you feel ashamed and this is definitely a symptom of depression. I have suffered 2 major episodes of depression and both times have felt ashamed. Do you have a supportive DH - he must have noticed you are suffering. Please get the help you deserve.

got a bit tearful reading this, thanks so much. just getting it out is helpful in a way, it inspired me try and talk to DH who has surprised me with his understanding. I don't know why i should be surprised - he has an unfortunate amount of experience with depression in his family.

he kind of hit the nail on the head that he thinks that guilt is stopping me from seeing anything in a positive light. if i could stop feeling guilty for my perceived failings then i could move on.... i may make a call to GP. I am resistant to the idea of ADs but i guess they could talk me through the options

Needtotalk - so glad you managed a talk with your DH. I know I keep saying that this and that is a sympton of depression but I think guilt is another symptom. I felt and still feel guilty everytime I have a setback. We don't feel guilty when we have a chest infection do we. Please see your GP - why are you resistant to ADs - they are not a magic bullet but they can relieve some of the worse symptoms, but as you say a good GP can talk to you about these matters.

Sending warm wishes x