My anxiety has just come back and hit me like a truck, what can i do, will feel like ginat faiure if i end up on meds agin.

[SunshineisSorry]

I've struggled with anxiety/dpression since i had DD five years ago.Lots of reasons, bereavement, debt, genral overload and PND?

Its back in such a bad way, i think i feel worse now than i did before. Totally out of control, you will see that if you look at the other threads i have posted this week in relationships and chat- im mortified.

I was doing ok, looking for work etc, but its going badly and we are struggling financially. I am just going out of my head. I don't want to go back on citalopram becuase it made me not give a shit for three years and i let everything just carry on and on, had counselling but it just turned into a whine fest where the counsellor would let me go and moan about how crap my life was for an hour, it went on for a year and i enjoyed it, looked forward to it, but now realise it did nothing for me whatsoever, possibly because i didnt embrace it?

This week i have been so up and down that i could describe my behaviour as Bi-polor, which im not making an armchair diagnosis of, i know i am not bi-polar, just such extremes, mostly i am so anxiious i feel like a coiled spring and ijust want to run, or scream, but i darent scream because i wont stop. Yesterday was the worst though, because i was high as a kite, on the bloody ceiling, couldnt stop talking, kept having to touch my fingers on my thumb over and over just to be moving, felt euphoric even, people noticed I blame a cup of coffee i had, maybe htat was it, have been off coffee as it upsets my tummy. But no, i was like it all day - was worse after the cofffee though. That was worse than the lows to be honest

Had vile argument with DP tonight, hes still not home :( Im going to drive him away, there is a trigger for this but its not SO bad, iyswim.

sorry for crap typing, shaking

First and foremost -

Whatever happens you are not a failure. Life is not about success and failure.

You are not a failure. You are human and you are struggling.

You are allowed to be like this.

You don't want to be like this so you need to find a way to change it.

I think, without a shadow of a doubt, that you need to see your doctor asap.

even that scares me senseless - thanks for the reply btw. Its like going back means i have to admit that everything is not ok

Ok - so are you telling me that you think things are ok?

Just answer me that one question....

What makes you think it's not Bipolar?

i dont know ell1, but im certainly not qualified to say that it is, i dont usually have the massive ups and downs like that, first time really

You need to get to the doctor and get seen by a counsellor. Can you afford to see one privately? You need to find a counsellor who you click with or you may get nothing out of it.

My anxiety is back at the moment but I am dealing with it and I haven't had any recurrence for 2 years until now.

I found that if I looked at the anxiety as a problem I needed to solve it was easier to get over. I did not concentrate on how bad I was feeling I concentrated on how to get better. I didn't feel great immediately and it took a few months but I got better and better quite quickly. I made changes to my life where needed to ease anxiety. Then I spent my counselling sessions looking back over my past to find out why I suffered from this.

You need to be proactive. You CAN get past this.

SIS - I think you need to see your GP t get some help - when you say citaloporam made you not give a shit" do you mean you were not anxious and depressed. If so, I would think best to go back on it, or there are other meds that you could try.

I think it is a bit worrying about your getting euphoric on one day, and I don't think coffee could have caused that, but I am no medic, merely another sufferer of anxiety and depression and in a bad "blip" at the moment, but do get some medical help.