Someone talk some sense to me

[badmothertoo]

I had heard about mumsnet and joined just now because i seriously need an outlet.

I have two little girls, 2 and 4 and they drive me up the wall whining, moaning and fighting all the time (but probably not that bad, just me can't handle it).

They are at a childminder during the week and their dad has them alternate weekends, this is my weekend and i dread it. True to form I have lost my rag and ended up shouting like a banshee, bloody idiot i am.

But, what scared me is I actually sat there and thought should I tell their dad they can live with him

Its the incessant nattering, mummy, mummy, mummy, i need a dumeeeeeee, its not workiiiiiiiing whine whine bloody whine. Everything I try ends up in chaos, every little thing.

Everyone says their kids drive em nuts but this is ridiculous - my heart races with it within seconds. I call em my guinea pigs cos thats what they remind me of when their constantly making these throaty whines all the time.

I'm gonna ruin them acting like this, they will be scarred for life by an angry, aggressive mother so maybe they should go to their dad. What am I saying???? Oh god, maybe its time to go back on the prozac again!

Sorry to waffle but I had to get this off my chest and see if anyone else REALLY DOES feel the same? I feel bad, inadequate, stupid, guilty, pathetic, useless, a bad, bad mother.

me again, in the minutes it took to type that I went back to the room, polystyrene bits all over the floor from a toy vacuum, still undressed after asking them repeatedly for past 30 mins...I flipped again. What is bloody wrong with me. My mum had a heart attack and died a year ago this week....same gonna happen to me the way I get so stressed with this.

Thought id better post as its slow today and no one had spoken to you you yet. Not sure I can help , I feel the same sometimes. Probably heard this before but soudns like you need a break from it all. I know tis the last thing you want but is there anything you can do with them that will make it more fun ,like cooking fairy cakes. In know its hard as all you want to do is sit quietly may be in a padded cell & ill join you , Im screaming alot too , I also have a 2 yr old!!

Welcome to Mumsnet! From the amount of people who post similar things I know that you certainly are not the only one feeling like this. I'm sorry you feel so rotten. Looking after 2 little ones on your own is bloody hard work. I'm sorry I don't have any great advice but I didn't want your thread to vanish without getting some kind of answer.

What sort of thing do you enjoy doing with the girls? Have you had any good times lately, think about a time when you laughed together and see if you can get them involved in something with you this afternoon.

Is your doctor helping you at the moment? You do sound very down.

oh badmothertoo-can really understand the state you are in at this minute-I find myself in similar situations with my 4 year old ds. He is the trickiest, most difficult child I have ever encountered and when I am stressed I just cannot deal with him. End up losing my temper and shouting just as you describe.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate-but when you get into these no-win situtations when you think you will explode-I find that getting out of the house is a god send-do you have a local park nearby or a friend that you can visit?. Even if it is for half an hour-just try and get some fresh air-always makes me think more rationally. hope this helps

Hi, thanks for the replies.

The baking we have tried, and ends in chaos. One at a time, they are fine but its cos they are together. Their dad manages it, but not me.

I have LOTS of good intentions, and they always backfire, we never finish a project or 'session' that I've set up because they 'start'. I try remind myself how young they are but it just always goes bottom up. Earlier we started making some playing cards from a magazine (i have my own craft business so we have lots of crafty things/ideas) and we 'just' about managed to get the pictures glued onto the cardboard without much fuss, but when we started playing oh boy...no chance, youngest just screwed them up and paddied cos she didn't have the same ....

I KNOW I am whinging myself....I KNOW it. They are not bad kids I am just a bad mother. I would have been a GREAT mother in victorian times ;)

Regards having a break from it all...I feel bad because I hardly have them anyway, and I still can't cope. I have them from 6-11 each day, then they go to the childminder until 6pm - they're out practically all day but I can't wait to get them in bed.

I don't want to go on, so thank you

well your doing better than me , atleast you have attempted to do stuff llke that with them. I think I watched one of those programmes were the boy did the same , always started well with games , but ended in paddies. I think they started that famed sticker trick. Theres another one with a box of coins a week and they get them removed for misdameanours. They can then buy something with the money at the end of week. I think its like 20p in tuppences a week or something , Im not certain.

Phone my mum, shell soon sort you out and shout at you to get a grip if you think need it, I always do!!! . Always think some humour helps , sorry if it winds you up more!.

I read this yesterday and really wished I could help you. I recognise the situation although mine are older now. I went on a PND course years ago which was generally rubbish but they taught me one trick. Instead of shouting breath in for 7 and breath out for 11. It seems to help me calm down. I have also noticed that the whining and demanding behavior gets worse the more I shout so I try to smile at them instead. It takes a lot of effort but if they feel more secure they dont seem to demand as much. I never realised how much hard work a smile was but I did seem to get some results although my 4 year old seemed to have a paddy every half hour yesterday. Yesterday I just ignored her, smiled and did something else.

Also you mentioned about your two year old and the cards, are you expecting too much from them? I think my 4 year old wouldn't have the patience to play with the cards properly. Well done on getting them to make them. I'd have told them they had to let them dry for a day before they could play with them!

I do hope you get to a better place, it sounds as if you have had a hard time and need some support

Hi, BMT, hope you're having a better day today. It does sound like you have your hands full with running your own business and being a single mum. No wonder you get overwhelmed at times! It's happened to all of us and I know how you feel. I'm also wondering if this isn't a particularly bad time for you right now since it is the anniversary of your mum's death. It sounds like it was very sudden and perhaps you haven't had proper time to grieve? If you have taken Prozac in the past with good luck it might not be a bad idea to give it another go for a while. I have been on Zoloft since ds was 6 months old and it has been (literally) a lifesaver for me.

As for your dd's, I wonder if getting them to do things seperately would make things calmer for you. The 4 year old could do some crafty things while the 2 year old played with leggos or something? (Having a ds instead of a dd, I'm trying to thing of something that doesn't involve trucks, lol)

Anyway, you are not alone and sometimes just knowing that can be lots of help.