where do I go for help?

[teahouse]

I'll be 45 in a week, have been a single mum for over a decade, been on HRT for 5 years and currently detest my life; I feel like I have absolutely no future (plus I feel so ugly that I haven't looked in the mirror for years).

My eldest is at Uni and my other child doing GCSE's, I work FT in a fairly demanding job and have no social life (partly because I don't have much spare money, but mostly because I don't have many friends).

I will pay off my mortgage when I'm 70 - so I've another 25 years to go, and I'm not sure I can cope with that... another 25 years of making decisions on my own, another 25 years of struggling!

I have decided to stop trying to date (done internet dating for a couple of years and got nowhere), and I feel like I have given up on life. In fact in a few weeks I'll get the results of a follow-up smear and in many ways I'd prefer for it to be positive because it would give me a definate end to everything; to all the cr*p.

Recently I went to my GP about me possibly being depressed. I'm not though, just very tired and 'upsuprisingly' fedup (he heard my lifestory and said it would be more suprising if I wasn't feel rubbish given the past 13 years).

I do need some help though - I've had some counselling but am not sure where to go now. I've really tried to be a proper little Polly Anna but the game has become boring now as no matter how bright I try to paint things, they just don't seem to get any better.

Has anyone any ideas of what I could try to help get me out of this rut. I don;t feel sorry for myself, I just feel stuck. My life hasn't changed at all in the past 5 years years and I'm just not happy with it.

I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you but I didn't want to just read and ignore.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

What happened with your counselling? Did you feel like it helped? Would it be worth going back for more? I'm surprised your GP hasn't suggested anything given that he knows how you feel.

Do you have any friend at all that you can talk to?

What about hobbies? Is there anything going on in your area that you could do/join in with?

It sounds like you need to make a change in some way; maybe finding a new interest would help.

Hi OP,

I think I had a similar response to NosyRosie (but she posted first).

There's no need to be a Polly Anna if that doesn't reflect how you feel about your situation. Optimism has to come from somewhere, however modest - you can't will it into being. That's an imposition on yourself and that is boring.

Why don't you have many friends? Is that a problem?

Sounds like you could use a few fun things in your life, apart from all the responsibilities, but I'm surprised HRT has not helped and even more surprised GP didn't have any more suggestions.
At this time of life it's usual to evaluate, and I'm wondering if there is anything you'd actually enjoy doing, like trying a new hobby or doing a course at OU or even planning a trip abroad. Or having a lodger now?

Being tired can be psychological of course.
I find Berocca vitamins are helpful too.

Hope you manage to add something to your life.