so confused....

[runaway]

kinda long....sorry....

OK...I feel so confused right now...
I'm depressed & I know that I am better off than alot of people & it makes me feel guilty for being depressed. I was on ad's but now I can't afford it anymore & (no insurance) I was just informed by DH that I need to go to AA meetings, which I need to do....but I have no car to get there. I never have a chance to relax or do anything for myself.... I am always running around for everybody else & i get no appreciation for it,....because of this I am very bitchy & crabby....I am pushing everyone away.... I am embarrased that I have a problem with depression & I am embarrased that I have a problem with alcohol. I feel stupid for even writing this & basically I just am not liking myself at the moment. I wish I could just run away.

Are you overseas???

Why do you need money for AD's - can't you get them on presciption?

Do you agree that you have a problem with alcohol and that you need to do something?

If so agree that AA is the place for you!

Don't be embarrassed - everyone there is in exactly the same position as you!

I am oversea's....I can get a prescription, but I have to pay for it.
I am embarrassed that I am ruining my own life & making everyone hate me in the process.

Well - probably time to take that big step isn't it!

I do think that you should try and afford the prescription prices though - is there any way you can scrape the money together?

Is the alchohol abuse linked to particular stress in your life or do you just like it?

A little of both I guess....I'm stressed out so I drink, & I do enjoy it....It just seems like I have been drinking more lately....& alone...which I know is horrible...I just don't see the point in trying to quit anymore, I have tried before & was successful....I also did not drink during my pregnancy. I know I can do it, I'm just not motivated to , & being depressed isn't helping either. I just feel like the worlds biggest screw up, & I don't deserve any of the good things that I have in my life....

I don't think you'll crack the alchohol until you've sorted out the depression. I think it'll just set you up to fail IYSWIM.

I think you need to get teh depression under control so that you want to sort the alcohol problem out. At the moment I suspect the drink is a way of escaping the pain of depression!

Who can you turn to for help?

I guess I can talk to my mom or my MIL (she has mentioned to me that she is worried about me) .. I just hate the fact that I have to take medication to be "normal"... feels like I'm a fraud....like Im just trading the alcohol in for the pills, I do appreciate your help soapbox, I know It must be annoying to hear all my whining & complaining. I just called in my prescription to be refilled....I'm scared though that if I have an addictive personality with alcohol, what If I get dependant on the pills? Isn't the withdrawels bad from ad's & sleeping pills?

Well I would worry about that later - right now you need the pills!

I think you do need to get as many people on-side as you can. It may help to just explain it to them simply!

Something like 'right now I'm struggling with depression and I'm using alcohol as a bit of a crutch during this period. I'm a bit worried I'm becoming too reliant on it, but feel I need to get the depression under control before I can tackle it.'

It must all seem so scary for you and difficult to see a way out

What is your DH like?

What ages are your children??

I am now on my 5th day of sobriety....been going to meetings....Dh has been very encouraging & understanding throughout everything....I have not gotten back on the pills, mainly because I just can't afford them.... Things are a little better.
Still a bit depressed, but only when I do depressing things like think about how nobody likes me & all of the stupid things I have done in my past...Dh tells me live for today but it is hard.....just thinking of when I will screw up next & how I have screwed up before....am thinking of going back to school....that was when I was my happiest....Thanks for the support,Soapbox