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Mental health

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Original poster

Really need some support.

12 replies

staceym11 · 13/10/2005 11:36

Right some people may be a bit wary of this but i really need people to come forward and tell me im not the only one and its not my fault, i feel like a freak!

When i was 14 i went on a weekend away without my parents, there was a funfair ran by travellers and i was a bit of a flirt. I went to the toilet on my own (just round the corner from the fair) and was followed by one of the people who ran the waltzer. He grabbed me held his arm across my throat and raped me. i could hear people laughing and joking and i was screaming my head off, yet no one came, so eventually i gave up. he finished and just wandered off laughing, i lay there crying for about half an hour, convincing myself that i couldnt tell anyone as they'd be ashamed of my and it was all my fault. i didnt tell anybody about that incident, then started harming myself, eventually (after 8weeks) i did tell the truth and everyone found out. we went to the police but the investigation was closed due to lack of evidence. i had to go to the GUM clinic and go through tests, which was horrible and they found out i was pregnant. as my state of mind was all messed up my mum convinced me that it owuld be best if i got rid of the baby as it'd always make me remember what happened, afterwards i really regretted it and still do.

im not really sure what i want to get out of telling this story other than some support, it still affects me quite a lot and make my birth experience terrible as i was constantly tense with people prodding around down there.

does anyone think i can ever ge tover this, or does anyone know how to make it easier to cope with?

OP posts:

stitch · 13/10/2005 11:46

sorry, no advice, but lots of hugs.
what an awful thing to have to deal with at such a young age as well. i think your mom did the right thng, fwiw. no idea how to get over this. dont think you ever can.
sorry, completely useless i know. but lots of positive vibes for you.

coppertop · 13/10/2005 11:49

I have no advice but didn't want to leave your thread without posting. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.

winnie · 13/10/2005 11:52

staceym11, I am so sorry that you have been through this. I my humble opinion I think you should perhaps seek counselling. Maybe talk to your gp and get a referral. Or, if you can afford it, go private (as this will be quicker). People deal with things differently but seeing a counsellor may be the only way you will be able to move on from this.
Best wishes.

gravity · 13/10/2005 13:17

stacym.......i just wanted to say i wish there was something to take away this horrible tramtic experience...... be strong xxxxxxxx

FangAche · 13/10/2005 13:19

Stacym11 - Unfortunately you are not the only one.

You're definitely NOT a freak!!!

Mum2girls · 13/10/2005 13:32

Have no advice other than to say at 14, hormones are kicking in and being flirtatous is a often a natural product of that, at least it was for me and many of my friends anyway.

What followed was a tragic series of events that could probably have happened to me or any one of my friends, but fortunately didn't.

So in summary, it wasn't your fault.

LynnC · 13/10/2005 13:36

Sorry to hear what youve been through, and again no advice, but just wanted to show support. I'm quite new to the site and not sure how to go about contacting certain people but read earlier today on Feeling depressed : so low I could die threat a message from mumswish saying she had also been through a rape. Perhaps if you posted your message on that thread she might contact you and offer some advice? Take care x

WigWamBam · 13/10/2005 13:37

You won't be the only one, and it's definitely not your fault.

You can get over this, but you will probably need help. I wonder if somewhere like Rape Crisis would be a good starting point for you to start learning how to cope.

Original poster

staceym11 · 13/10/2005 15:24

thank you everyone, just a niggle in the back of my mind constantly, your hugs are well appriciated, and will look into rape crisis, thank you WWB.

sometimes just feel like im all alone, even tho my parents and dh know about this its hard for me to talk to them about it iyswim

OP posts:

bubblepop · 14/10/2005 12:48

you really need to speak with a counsellor you know.what happened to you was horrific, but you musn't blame yourself.I think your mum had your best interests at heart, whatever you had done about the baby, it would have been a difficult decision.big hug goes out to you, and i hope you are able to move on from this some day towards a better life.

moyasmum · 14/10/2005 13:39

staceym11- Have you been to, or called a rape crisis centre? Whilest you decideing whether you want to go to a cousellor ,dont forget that RCC's up and down the country(not enough sadly),have lines you can call, to talk through the issues you are feeling at the moment. It makes no difference how long ago the rape happened,you will get another woman who is there for you to talk with. As you said, telling the story hopefully will give you some inner strength.

moyasmum · 14/10/2005 13:42

Opps sorry STACEYM11 and WWB , youve already covered rcc's

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