so it went wrong, how to recover?

[Sheslosingit]

I thought it was coming, and it did. Went out drinking by myself, acting like a tit, ended up being taken in by police (I think some kind of section) and they took all my things off me and I had to be in a tracksuit and I was really cold. I rhink I was in the outdoors for ages and they said I was at risk of self harm but no injuries (apart from that I am really stiff and sore but I remember being in the corner of the cell and shouting for help as I couldn't breathe and they were just looking through a window)
They kept moving me in different rooms and asking questions and I was scared but mostly I felt like I had poison in my blood.
I came home and had doctor and a nurse here and the plice and the docotr in my house gave me pills. tranquilsers.
it keeps coming and going but has gone for the longest time today and i wasn't allowed on the internet but I have been left alone for a couple of hours so come on here to calm down a bit.
I think they were going to put me back into hospital but dh stopped them. I know he has signed forms and has all the drugs to look after.
#I need to keep busy but I'm not allowed to go out or to spend money or to do bills or else i might not be allowed to stay alone and i hate people just standing there looking at me like i'm going to do something mad.

what can i do to keep my mind busy but not too busy as I have to rest? If I can get sleep tonight i might be able to reduce the amount of pills.

No dont take anything else and gently pat your arms dont scratch.

Lie still or maybe gently sway and think of a happy time a holiday? picture yourself there and what the sun felt like etc etc

maybe i should do yoga? or get in nightclothes? don't like to do that in case something happens and then i'll have to deal with it in pajamas. i could do my makeup and hair.

what i nedd is fresh air but not allowed it. they don't like me going out. cba with people though, police are hard work to explain oneself to.

Try using ice cubes to divert urges to harm.

In my darkest moments radio 7 has been wonderful, or talking books. Much easier than tv

I know it doesn't feel like it but the crisis team will help. Or try the samaritans, I have spent hours talking nonsense with them!

You will get through this

yes put your pjs on its acceptable to wear them even in public but you wont need to - you are safe at home in your house.

Dont bother with anyone just think about yourself for once ok.

Are you allowed to listen to the radio? When I've been a bit poorly I have put radio4 on and listened for a word beginning with "a" then "b" til I got through the alphabet. Or listened to music and gone through the alphabet. Crosswords can be distracting too? I think you can get free ones on line.

god i have an odd selection of books up here. bearing in mind that downstairs we have loads and loads and this is bedside reading

s fy on writing, two bibles (we are athetist)(good news and king james) hostory of western philosophy, sociology books from1980s history of computing, brewers phrase and fable, communist manifesto, kingsley amis letters, literaturte and gender, burchil on beckham, moll flanders, cristism of chomsky, world of warcraft graphic novel, guns germs and steel, female chavinist pigs

no idea how this combination ended up here - someone must have been researching something. dunno what or why.

U know to say u are not so good your sense of humour is fab x

did you know that when shellys (mary and percy), byron and the gang were staying at a hotel, a nearby hotel hired out binocolours to watch them? They were so scandalous.

also m shelly (although she wasn't married yet- shock) lost her vorginity on her mothers grave. her mother wrote vindication of the rights of women. M Shelley went on to write frankenstein when she was still a teenager, and it still stands up as one of the greatest works of literature ever. unfairly sidelined as simply a horror- it is more about what it is to be human and what our responsibilities are to our fellow man and to our own children. few dodgy bits about inherent good in people of noble blood.

As she was dying, docotrs got puppies to suckle from her breasts to ease the infection- must have been mastitis or something.

Im sorry I went to sleep before you .....hope todays better for you xx

Hey, did you manage to get some sleep? How are you feeling today? Hope today is a better day for you :)

Thanks for all your help :) I did get some sleep, had a good couple of days.

Now trying not to let the fact that I am alone in the windy house apart from the baby bother me.

DH decided to go to the pub. He was on a course, he refused a lift home off his dad, then got the train, then went for a quick drink, then keeps sending messages to say he will be home soon and he isn't.

I can't have my sleeping pill till he gets here (I won't hear the baby cry, and anyway I don't know where he keeps them) and now he is getting a takeaway apparently. I am seeing the phychiritrist again tomorrow and have done so well but I can't if he doesn't keep up his side of bargain. if he told me he would be out late I would have asked the in laws to take both kids instead of just one, but i thought he was due home at 5pm.

Feeling all self harmy, want a drink but can't have one, want to go to bed but too scared to go upstairs.

Sorry.

I am glad that you've had a good couple of days, sorry it's hard at this moment.

What have you been up to today?