its not a good day today

[NotInAGoodPlace]

I am a longtime lurker and poster but have namechanged.

Please if you recognise me don't out me.

This is the only place I can post this and feel safe and secure enough to say exactly what I think.

I am a mum of 3 with DH in a small house which I also run a business from.

I have a history of PND and anxiety issues. I am being treated with Prozac and I had a round of CBT.

I need to lose some weight. Every time I start to slim I binge. I think I am on the cusp of an eating disorder.

Self sabotage is normal for me. I can't cope with my life.

I can't seem to stop myself and its just crap I am eating. While not desperately overweight I am not the right side of 35 any more and he doc is refusing the Pill for me due to my size. Dh and I have discussed sterilisation but he dosen't want it for either of us. To be honest I would love another child but I need to sort this first.
No good with injections and I can't have the coil so I really need to do something.

Oh I don't know. I am fed up and angry with myself., I feel guilty about what I eat and always like I let myself down.

Has anyone been like this?

Did you find the CBT useful? From what I know of it, it aims to help those with a depressive disorder understand and break negative thought patterns; did you find that it offered any answers to the 'self-sabotage' you've described?

Not really. The CBT was more about the anxiety. I cope better with the anxiety now but it feels like when one thing gets better something else gets bad.

Have to go, Kids need sorting for bed, Back later.