Am I going to loose him

[Tooodlepip]

My brother is so ill, my mum is so ill, my dad is ill and I am a little bit all.

Its that bad, I am on 40mg of fluoxetine for depression, but right now even considering my own depression I am the only 'normal' one in my family. I feel so lost and so scared for my brother, theres only the two of us and if anything ever happened to him I wouldnt be able to carry on even though I have a lovely husband and two beautiful children.

He has been suffering from really bad depression, is in alot of debt and managed to get addicted to codeine. Last year I took him to hospital where he stayed for a while but now its all happening again and he has been self harming although my mum thinks he done it to have something to show the psychiatrist on wed when he goes so as they will admitt him. I dont know whether to hope she is right or wrong. He has the most beautiful son whom I love so much, he was here with me all day and he loves me so much and enjoys nothing more than getting round here to watch tom and jerry and play with his cousins and I jst feel so sad. He is a brilliant father I certainly couldnt fault him even my boys run after thier uncle but what happens when his son is old enough to realise that his dad isnt well. The dr said maybe he is bi polar, I dont know if this is possible or what does this even mean

even when I m talking to him I wonder if I'm saying or doing the right things, tonight I spent the night driving round our town looking for his car scared to find him OD'd somewhere and I feel so helpless

my mother is also ill going in for an illeostomy soon and she has her own depression/possible somatisation disorder which she denies so she can also be difficult

I feel like screaming I never want to have sex again at my dh, no matter what I'm going through he will try it on, why, why the hell would I be in the flippin mood how do I get it through to him

I'm so tired at obviously coming down with a virus and the kids have viruses and it all just doesnt seem to want to end

oh and my sil his wife she just seems to say the wrong things to him constantly so I have to deal with everything and I'm starting to fall apart here

oh and I have an ou tma to work on this week as well

am screwed arent I

Blimey - you are up against it, aren't you? I haveno experience of much of what you write, but do feel for you. It's hard to be the strong one when it is all crumbling about you. My only advice would beonly worry about now, and not about the future - you have no idea how it will all go, and so thereis nothing to be gained by thinking about it. What will be, will be. Try to stay strong and best of luck.. Hopefully someone will give you some better practical advice.

i read your post and really feel for you, its hard being the strong one when mental health problems rear their horrible head but reading your post over i would say that you are stronger than you realise. try not to speculate about what might happen and focus on the here and now, you have your own immediate and extended family making demands on your physical and emotional resources which is probably making you feel drained and its hard to see things objectively when you're tired, emotional and pulled in a few directions. you sound angry with your husband for not leaving you alone in the bedroom..i can see where you are coming from, its the last thing you want. But if you can get over the annoyance of being pestered and connnect it may help (speaking only from my own experience of being happier together when we re connect.. not suggesting you become a surrendered wife!)
i have a an adult son with mental health prob, a brother who is in the midst of a breakdown and two toddlers whose demands keep me busy and sane, try not to let your mood be pegged to theirs it helps to try to get some distance.

re reading your post you are doing a lot of caring and supporting.. do thing you should speak to someone for you, as you said you didnt think you could carry on if something happened to him despite your own family. at the least speak to someone on the phone, pref gp to get you to see someone with an outside pespective. hope you can see a way forward