is it just a matter of luck?

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

how is it that some people get PND and some dont? how come my neighbour is always full of the joys of spring and looks great everyday and is always so happy and i have days i can't even brush my hair? what makes us different. we both have babies why does she get to have it easier than me? why cant i just be happy like that?

ILove - I just don't know the answer. I know mums who have sailed through post natal period with one child and just spiralled into the worst possible pit with the second. I think there are many contributing factors, some physiological, some to do with situation. I don't know your situation, but have you got support? Have you spoken to your GP?

i was going to speak t0o the gp afetr years of putting it off but i amscared of what that will mean long term. anti Ds scare me. my friend comitted suicide whislt on them and i dont want depression on my record. i am trting to get registered as a CMer. i know you are thinking that is probably teh last thing i shoudl be doing but i need to work, i need to have a purpose and i cant afford to pay chidlcare for teh dcs if i work out of teh home.

I don't think that's the last thing you should be doing at all. It could be that getting a job you are interested in and getting money in the bank alleviates some of the things that are wearing heavy on you.

I do understand the record thing, but I hope someone more knowledgeable can come along and reassure you that it should have no affect whatsoever on your becoming a CM. I don't think you have to declare you health record to potential parents, but maybe I am wrong? You should def find out.

Tbh, if it has been going on for years, I honestly feel you must seek help if you are to improve your quality of life. You owe it to your DC's, but most of all, you owe it to yourself. Be kind, and find out for sure your options. Also, maybe start a specific support thread on here?

i have to have a refernce from my GP in order to be registered. i worry tht he would mention depression as it is recent.

it has been about two years now. i think all associated with my relationship with EXP and how quickly it all happened as well as becoming pregnant with ds2. it was all very quick and i still dont feel that i was in control of all that happened. as a result of it all i made some decsions in an attempt to try and regain teh control, unfortunately thsoe decisions mean i am now an unemployed single parent. i am far happier as a single parent thna i was in that relationship but teh physicality of doing it alone is very restrictive and isolating. i am working on it but it just amazes me that soem people have babies and never ever feel liek this.

Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. Being a parent is exhausting even when you have a partner helping. Doing it on your own - well, I completely take my hat off to you. I can imagine how restrictive it is, and how much you must just want to get outside of your own head and just run with the wind in your face.

Sorry about exP, but sounds like you have made the right decision. You are now climbing a difficult mountain to get back to the happiness you deserve. You have to look around you and see what possible help you can call on to help you climb this mountain.

Don't be shy to ask for the help you need. Do you have family or close friends who could possibly take your DC's for an hour or two on a regular basis each week? Sometimes, just knowing you have an oasis in the middle of your week where you can concentrate on just you, can be the life raft you cling to when things get as tough as this.

yes, i told my mum everything at the weekend an although she was less than supportive at the time she has tried since to let me know she will have the dcs if i want some time off. i also told two friends aswell and we went out on saturday night. i had a reall blowout and feel so much better for it. i am arranging things with friends so that i have something to look forward to doing every week. i had coffee yesterday with one and we are having dinner on saturday. i am starting to do things for myself to get me out of teh house. it was just when i talked to my neighbour yesterday and i relaised teh difference between teh two of us. i was a LP with ds1 before EXP came back on teh scene, we had split up before ds1 was born and being an LP was all i knew and i was very happy, i also worked then and i think taht was a huge part of my sanity!!. i really am trying to get back on track which is why i dont want to risk getting knocked back with teh childminding by having teh GP share my depression with the Social worker.

Well it sounds like you are a doer, which is a brilliant trait. You are already on your way, so grab all that help on offer with both hands and don't think twice about it.

I think perhaps understandably it was painful to look at someone having life so much easier. But you know what, who the hell knows what she is going through. Maybe she's happy as Larry, maybe she cries herself to sleep at night. The good news is, you are making the changes you need to make. Try and concentrate on the path ahead. Keep doing what you are doing and you will get there.

yeah you're right, we all put on a happy face for otehr people. she may be jsut as miserable as me. thank you ramona. a si sadi i am alrady feeling better but it just irritated me to see someone else so happy. and wondered why it only happened to some and not otehrs.

Do you know what, the best piece of advice I was ever given was to see you life like a wheel of fortune. Not the game show (!). See if you can google it. It is actually a really ancient concept. The fact is, at points in your life you will be at the bottom, or near the bottom of your wheel, but sooner or later, the wheel has got to roll. You'll be on top again, just hang on in there. Everyone has one, and yes, some folk spent most of their lives at the top, but we all experience the bottom of it at some point. What marks us out is the courage with which we face it, and the energy we put into trying to crawl our way up. Good luck.

i am trying to agree with the concept but tehy way my mood has been lately i am fighting teh urge to say "my wheel is jammed"

It is quite possible - I am giving it a virtual kick

thanks