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I`M WORRIED MY FRIEND IS SUICIDAL

9 replies

nathanandkenziesmummy · 27/01/2011 14:47

I need advice my friend is strugerling to cope. She has three children and a partner who does what he can. She is on anti-depressants and recieving counciling. She wonders how she gets the children to school, when she is home all she wants to do is sleep. She is drained physically and mentally, she gets down because she has no energy to cook a meal or do anything with the children. She doesn't have the energy to wash. She has very little support, I can only do so much. When I am round I spend my time there cleaning. I wish I could magic up a cleaner and a cook but unfortunatly we have to do that ourselves. I've said she should stop punishing herself and treatment will take time. I'm not sure what else I can do, Ive suggested she takes up swimming again to clear her head and regain her confidence. When she told me today she had no energy to wash and hadn't for days, i had to ask her to draw on her own resources for strengh as other people can only do so much. I'm not sure what to do. All she wants to do is sleep, when I was that low I wanted to stop excisting. I can see where this may lead and I don't want to lose my close friend.

OP posts:
RamonaFlowers · 27/01/2011 17:09

Bumping for you. I have no words really, except to express how sorry I am that you and your friend are going through this. You sound like an amazing friend to have, but of course it can be terribly draining supporting someone in such a bad place.

She is getting counselling and she has her meds - beyond that I don't know what else you can do other than encourage her to maybe revisit GP and see if the meds need adjusting or changing. Also, to continue to support her but also make sure you keep something for yourself, because you need to stay strong and maintain a good outlook on your own life. Smile

fit2drop · 27/01/2011 21:53

If you are seriously concerned she is suicidal you should ring the crisis team, at least for advise. If she is under Mental Health services (I dont just mean her GP) she may have a care coordinator ,maybe contact her/him and express your concerns.If she does have a care coordinator there will be a care plan in place.
What you cannot do is deal with this on your own, When someone is seriously depressed or coping with a deteriorating or enduring mental health condition the strain on family and friends is enormous and draining , the best way to help her is to get professionals on board and involved therefore keeping yourself well so that you can support her better. She my not thank you at this time but when she is well she will understand why.

shodatin · 27/01/2011 23:35

You're being a good friend, but can't be responsible for your friend's mental health and she does seem to need professional help. Agree with last poster that Crisis Team would give advice - share the load!

medoitmama · 28/01/2011 10:04

Have you asked her if she is thinking about ending it all? Ifs not, I would do. Sometime it helps to express it although it does not mean she will not still do it.

My DH was severely depressed just aover a year ago. He felt suicidal at times and I was terrified. I just asking of a gage of how ill he was. When he first told me that he was thinking about killing himself, I took him back to the doctors and explained for him as he was not able to. His meds were put up and we went back regularly until they really did start to kick in.

Now I have my DH back and I am so greatful. He is off the drugs and really is fine. What I did find is that it is so important to be persistant with the GP and any other service you can access. Unfortunately all to often you will get left to deal by yourself if you're not assertive.

You sound like an amazing friend.And you're right, it's the practical stuff that often makes a difference.

Good luck.

ElsieR · 28/01/2011 11:51

I agree you should speak to mental health professionals as soon as possible.

cestlavielife · 28/01/2011 12:55

you need to get her to call the crisis team - the crisis team wont do anything on a third party calling about someone else. beleive me i used to try. they always said "xxxx needs to call us himself".

dial the number and put her on the phone.

you could call or write to her GP with your concerns.then let them act on it.

fit2drop · 28/01/2011 17:52

cestlavielife
Crisis team SHOULD and DO respond to 3rd party calls depending on the information they are given . If they didnt and something happened they would be held accountable. If you have had a different experience the you really should have reported it to PALS at least.
I am not saying you are wrong but definitely that you should not have been ignored.
I work in M/H so I am aware of the procedures , I am also aware of how difficult it can be to get services involved but they really do have a duty of care and would be held accountable should the worst scenario happen so its highly unlikely they would not see someone ..... they might however speak to someone and assess that they do not need a visit or intervention at that time but would recommend people and services to contact again should the service user feel their mental health has deteriorated

cestlavielife · 28/01/2011 23:01

fit2drop - interesting... but hasnt been my experience.

i got "if he is that bad, call 999 we cannot help". (when i was still with exP and he was having a major crisis)

or "call 999 if you think he may be suicidal" (later when i had left and he was uncontactable for days on end and had been showing signs of major depression, or ahd sent short texts saying 2i need help i am not well you ahve to help me" )

or "he has to call us, we cannot act on your concerns, have him call us"

"err he cant call you he is too depressed"

"well he has to call us we cannot act on your concerns".

still - i am glad to know that maybe in other areas it does work...

fit2drop · 29/01/2011 15:39

[quote] i got "if he is that bad, call 999 we cannot help". (when i was still with exP and he was having a major crisis)or "call 999 if you think he may be suicidal" [/quote

I am appalled that this wasn't responded to. Did he end up being admitted? was he previously known to M/H services?
Definitely you had a case to take to PALS there .

[quote] ^(later when i had left and he was uncontactable for days on end and had been showing signs of major depression, or had sent short texts saying 2i need help i am not well you have to help me" )
or "he has to call us, we cannot act on your concerns, have him call us"

"err he cant call you he is too depressed"

"well he has to call us we cannot act on your concerns".^ [/quote]

This I understand, if he was missing the police would HAVE to be called , so here the right information was given , then when found the police can take him in on a section
136 which is where police have the authority to remove individuals who appear to be suffering from a mental illness from any public place to a designated 'place of safety' for appropriate assessment.

[quote] still - i am glad to know that maybe in other areas it does work... [/quote]

Not always but the M/H services in our area are hopefully improving with emphasis on whats best for the service user as opposed to whats best for the fatcats.

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