Bipolar DP - could really do with advice and support

[CJCregg]

Hi, would really appreciate any advice from people who know more about this than I do.

I've been with DP for a year and half, and totally adore him. He was diagnosed over ten years ago, had one really bad manic episode and ever since has been pretty stable. He medicates religiously and only occasionally has a 'down' phase of about six weeks.

He's been fine since we've been together but I am beginning to worry as he's been talking about it a lot more recently and I think he's either dropping down again or terrified that it will happen. We've talked about it a lot and he's tried to prepare me for what it will be like if and when it does happen, but I'm worried about how to deal with it.

I don't want to ask him too much as I think the more we talk about it and he dwells on it, the worse he feels.

Can anyone tell me their experiences?

Thanks.

Oh God, anyone at all?!

I don't have any direct experience, but a friend of mine had husband with the same and things got really bad when he stopped taking his medication; he walked out when she was pregnant.

BUT I think that was only a problem because for some reason he had stopped his medication; he was fine with it. I am not sure why he stopped. That might be part of the problem of the condition?

They did sort it out and appear to be fine now. That was the worst episode of their relationship, been together at least ten years now.

Hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon.

Thanks, Spero.

If he seems to be struggling, encourage him to see his GP or whoever looks after him with his mental health.

Does he have a CPN at all?
Lots of areas have a Crisis Team that you could contact if things deteriorate quickly - some will take new referrals but some will only see patients known to them.

But GP would usually be first port of call.

Is he still taking his meds? And when you say he is talking about it - is he saying he feels low/depressed? Talking about harming himself at all? Self medicating with alcohol or drugs?

All things to be keeping an eye on.

Hi Minnie,

He's not doing anything damaging - doesn't do drugs or much alcohol because of the meds, which he takes religiously. I just know that he's constantly in fear of going down again, and obviously the more he worries about it, the worse he feels.

I'm sort of preparing myself, I suppose. I kind of know what to expect if it happens but it would be so good to hear of anyone else's experience of this. And maybe it won't happen. I know he's stressed at the moment and it's bloody depressing January - not much I can do about that.

A good book is "An unquiet mind" by Kay Redfield Jameson.

There is also info on NIMH(national institute of mental health), Mind and Royal College of Psychiatrists websites.

The more you understand about his illness the more you will be able to support him. Good luck.

Hi I have bipolar if you want I can get my partner to come on and you can ask him his experience of living with someone who has Bipolar.

when I started going recently (which is what got me diagnosed even though I have been suffering 10 years) I started telling him I could feel it taking over. I kept talking like I was three people and the evil one was going to take over and I would beg him not to leave if it did and reind him of what wuld happen if it did.

That was just the only way I could describe my three states (manic normal and depressed). So even though I didn't know what as wrong I sensed it coming so him talking about it may mean he senses the mania coming

Is he showing any signs or symtoms?

But it is good that he is aware of how ill he is feeling, and that you are talking about it together and you are supporting him.

It might be beneficial for him to talk to a MH worker, maybe he could make a plan for what will happen if his health does change - have a plan B ready sort of thing. So that he can get on with living rather than be waiting for the illness to strike, it must be awful for him to be worrying about it so much

support

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MIND

Thank you for your responses, I am feeling quite tearful and overcome!

I don't really know what symptoms to look out for. I am on ADs (what a pair we are!) so I know the signs of depression, but I sense that bipolar is different in many ways. He just seems very stressed, down and introspective, and quite negative. I'm worried I'm going to say the wrong thing - all I can say at the moment is that I love him absolutely and will deal with whatever happens, that I'm not going anywhere.

Can you tell me what signs to look out for if it's mania?

Thank you so, so much.

I start to obsess over things, get a new hobby and wont do anything else I start to have odd beliefs, I also start sleeping less, I become irritable, insatible sex drve to the point where I will have sex 4-6 times a day if DP cant keep up I masturbate sorry if TMI .

I basically slowly start changing I talk alot and dress different. I get very angry when fully manic if you attack me or suggest I am behaving unreasonable, or the doctors so dont attack or arge if he hits that point he wont listen and it will make him worse. I hallucinate first stupid things like I thought I saw a ghost. I start making lots of plans and slowly lose interest in my normal activities and turn to new out of character activities, I spend a lot and drink alot.

These sort f go up daily in a line with each symtom getting worse and worse. I also have mixed states which IMO is the most dangerous in which I switch between up and down and sometimes feel both together. E.G laughing and crying and dancig round the room one day and faling in agony and crying the next. If he starts to show these symtoms get him on some extra meds to fetch him down.

hi my dad has had bipolar for aslong as i can remember but never took medication so i saw all the extremes this is a list of symptons when in the manic stage
Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Excessively ?high,? overly good, euphoric mood
Distractibility, can?t concentrate well
Racing thoughts and talking very fast
Jumping from one idea to another
Little sleep needed
Increased sexual drive
Spending sprees
Poor judgment
Unrealistic beliefs in one?s abilities and powers
Extreme irritability
Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
Denial that anything is wrong
Lasting period of behavior that is different from usual

think my dad did everyone of these in his manic stage and would quite often go on 3 day drug and alcohol sprees etc (think he was very extreme tho) another one i also noticed a lot in my dad was him always thinking he was untouchable nothing could harm him he was better knew more than everyone else

the depressive stage symptons

Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being ?slowed down?
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Restlessness or irritability
Sleeping too much, or can?t sleep
Change in appetite and / or unintended weight loss or gain
Chronic pain or persistent bodily symptoms not caused by illness or injury
Thoughts of death or suicide / suicide attempts

i rememeber my dad could spend days just in bed with the curtains drawn, really miserable and fed up, feeling very sorry for himself, and tried to commit suicide on a few occassions

as i sed tho i think his is/was a very extreme case and other people symptons would be a lot milder

hope this helps a little bit

Not got vast knowledge of mania TBH, but I understand they can be feeling really well, maybe feeling like they don't need their meds any more because they feel so much better. Making grand plans for the future, spending recklessly, making lots of changes because they feel full of energy/want to sort everything out.

But there are in between stages too, like hypomania where the mania is only quite mild - the sort of thing a stranger might not recognise but you would, as you know him well.

When fully manic I sleep no more than 3 hours and do not eat for weeks in my last mania it was only fully blown manic for a week (was going manic for months but only completly out of control for a week) but the damage I did made me lose nearly 2 stone in weight. But again on sliding scale I started sleeping 8 hours a night, 7, 6, 5, E.T.C.

It sounds from what you say that there is every chance he will remain well and stable as he is diligent with his medication. It seems natural that he would worry about it though in the context of a newish but serious relationship. He might be looking for reassurance from you that you'll still love him if he does have another episode.

Would it help if you have a conversation about what his initial symptoms were and what you should do if you noticed them? So that you make a sort of 'plan'. So if for instance he knows that he started to spend more money (as an example), he could say 'if you notice this happening we should go straight to the gp to look at reviewing the medication' or whatever he wants the plan to be.

If you are both able to say 'if A,B or C happens then we will do X, Y or Z', it may reassure you both that there is a plan for such eventalilties. You might be able to put that conversation behind you and get on with other things and hopefully stop worrying about it?

I can see what you're saying about not wanting him to dwell on things from the past. But I also think that if the next time he starts talking about it you ask him how he would like you to react if he does start displaying symptoms again, then it may reassure him that you're not going to run in the opposite direction. (I'm not at all saying you would but I think it's a common fear for people who've had mh problems).

Mind can advise you if you need it.

I spent so long writing that I x posted with everyone else!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Crawling, really appreciate you being so honest and clear. Can I ask what medication you take?

Jbells, that must have been really hard with your Dad, I'm sorry.

Besom, I think you're spot on about making a plan. I try to reassure him but because I haven't experienced him having an episode, he's worried that it will be difficult for me - which is why I'm trying to find out as much as possible now.

I don't think he's displaying any mania symptoms - he's sleeping quite well, and isn't particularly enthusiastic about anything! But he's not, so far, getting too down either. It's just that I can see a difference in him and a lot more worry and introspection, so I'm getting concerned.

He is SO crap about money. I guess this is something I'm just have to get used to ...

CJcregg- no need to be sorry, was normality for me never knew any different :) hesa loving dad despite his very crazy ways lol, i hope everything works out for u, i think as long as your DP is on the meds he shud be fine, my dad took meds a couple of years ago but stopped afta around 6 months he sed he hated the way he felt, that he had no adrenalin or enthusiasm he cudnt be bothered doing anything and that he would rather have really high times and really low times rather than neither, i guess all meds affect people in different ways

can you attend his routine medical appts with him?

that might help reassure you and that way you get to know the GP too and GP knows you.

ask about the crisis team - but be aware they wont do anything if you call - he has to be the one to call them if he having a bad time

Hi I am not on meds because I was recently diagnosed (I used to hide my mania by running away from home as a teenager) but now I have a partner and children I was unable to hide it so it was discovered and rediagnosed from PTSD to bipolar. We were discussing medication but I was uneasy and were just about to start when I had a accident and fell pg so I will go on meds after the baby is born.

I really hope things work out well for you You will know if he is going Manic IMO because I am a completly different person so you will have warning and be able to get help this link here gives lots of information on dealing with someone who is manic or depressed and my partner found it very helpful

Crisis team in my area does respond to calls from me for my DH. They know us both, though.

It is really good to get to know the different mental health people: psychiatrist, care-coordinator, crisis team and gp in our case!

Really recommend BPSO.org website but also, mainly, mailing list - you need to apply its confidential.
In haste and have a LOAD to add but this has educated me and saved my sanity more than once