advice on getting help from social services for elderly relative with mental health problems??

[LadySanders]

My aunt, in her late 60s, has been in hospital since xmas with several health problems.

She lives alone in a tiny squalid flat which is completely jammed to the rafters with rubbish. She is a compulsive hoarder - imagine the worst thing you've ever seen on channel 5 and multiply by ten thousand. There is a tiny clear space in the sink which she obviously washes in, and a corner of the bed she sleeps in. From floor to ceiling the flat is filled with detritus. Dead mice in the fridge and cooker etc.

While she has been in hospital we have been desperately trying to get her some help.

We've shown Social Services photos of her flat and they agreed it is unsafe for her to return (the current hospital stay came about because she fell over in the flat, and got buried under things which fell on top of her, she was there for 12 hours before my parents found her) but a psychiatrist assessed her and said she is of completely sound mind and that if she chooses to live that way, it's her decision.

She is certainly intellectually capable but surely anybody living in a bed with mouse droppings in it cannot be classified as not needing help?

My aunt has made it very clear that she doesn't want anybody in the flat or to have it cleared/cleaned which would take weeks... not least because it's not just a case of getting removers in, there are bank statements and personal documents interweaved in pages of 30 year old newspapers so it all needs going through with a fine toothcomb.

My parents are in despair as they feel they have to try to help (and have been trying for years to do so) and that despite having passed the mental acuity tests, she clearly needs help from a professional - but they keep coming up against an official brick wall of "she is sane and therefore it's her choice".

We have no experience in the family of dealing with social services in any form - so any thoughts about what to do next gratefully received.

bump, we are in a similar situation with my mother.

bump again?

It's a difficult situation for you all as your aunt is unaccepting of help.

Does she need any help with her personal care?

I work as a carer and sometimes clients start off very resistant to us being there and then gradually let us do a bit more for them. It's a case of going very slowly and gently persuading. Very frustrating I know.

The bottom line is that, if she has been assessed as having mental capacity, she is completely entitled to live any way she chooses.

Social services can offer her an assessment of her needs, but if she chooses not to engage with that, there is nothing they can do about it - their hands are tied. Many older people (although late 60s isn't really that old) are reluctant to accept help out of pride, fear (that they will have to sell their house) to pay for any care), or even out of a feeling that there is nothing wrong.

Your aunt must have been living like this for a while for things to have got so bad - maybe she sees nothing wrong in it, and again, she has the right to choose to live like that.

Has the hospital social worker visited her on the ward? Sometimes a chat with a SW not in people's own home works better because she wouldn't feel the SW was judging her home.

is thee any way you could persuade her to put everything in storage, just to clear away all the dirt and dust and droppings, give her place a good clean out and make it safe. then she could have box a week to sort through?

This will require a herculean task of clearing essential rooms, putting everything unsorted into boxes and bags, and getting everything into a storage facility. But out of sight is out of mind maybe?

If you can clear the kitchen, living area, bedroom and bathroom, make it all nice and fresh and with some flowers and pretty bedding for her return, maybe seeing the cleanliness and light will make her feel better and less overwhelmed?

thanks for your responses.

yes she's been living like this for 30 years plus, but this is the first opportunity we've had to actually set foot inside the flat and see how bad it is.

she has health problems some of which are clearly a result of living in a dirty environment and yes we understand the argument that she has a 'right' to live that way, but i suppose we are struggling to see how this can be considered a choice... it cannot be 'normal', there must be something wrong for her to think it is OK.

none of us like her, but we are a very small family and it's hard to 'give up on her', especially for my father, but he is in his mid 70s and is making himself ill worrying about her. perhaps we just have to accept it and leave her to deal with the consequences.

sorry, orange, in response to your question, she refused to have a carer after breaking her arm before xmas... my mum spoke to the hospital and showed them pix of the flat, saying that it would be wrong to let her go back to it because clearly with her right arm in plaster she can't look after herself. but again, we were told, she has refused help there is nothing we can do. a few days later she was back in hospital after the fall i mentioned in OP. so as you can see it puts a huge burden on my parents, because the next time something happens, they will feel responsible and that they didn't do enough to persuade social services to get involved... hence my question as to how we can get them to help. sorry if this is incoherent!

I know it's very frustrating and worrying for your family, but the fact is Social Workers are bound by, amongst other legislation, the Mental Capacity Act 2005 which states very clearly that if someone is assessed as having capacity they can live however they choose, and that making unwise choices does not necessarily mean that someone lacks capacity.

If I were you, though, I would request the hospital social worker visits her before she leaves hospital. Has your aunt explained what her objection to having any help is?

cats thank you, as i said, we have no experience of dealing with this kind of thing, so I see what you're saying... she has seen the SW in hospital several times and they have been supportive of us as they've seen the pictures of her home... but we keep coming back to the fact that she has to be the one to ask for help.

My aunt has admitted that the house is in "a bit of a muddle" but she claims it's only been in the last few months it's got that way... she is highly intelligent and very manipulative so constantly tries to twist the truth.

We just wondered if there was any way of getting help for her, but it looks like there really isn't.