Oh no...here we go again

[Sheslosingit]

Thought I was over this, apparently not. I've had bipolar in the past, psychosis, loads of drugs, hospital, etc. Last few weeks I'm had more energy than usual, today shaking, sweating, heart racing, restless, jumpy, hyper aware of everything, can't follow the newspaper.

This is textbook for the start of a full on manic phase. If this was two years ago, this would be the point where I would ring crisis team, take trnquillisers and hope that they knocked me out enough to not allow me to do anything involving police.

It won't get that bad will it? What should I do? Want to go for a walk, but that is a bad idea unsupervised, that is what I used to do and is precisley how I got in trouble. Want to excercise, but will just increase adreniline, but then if I sit still my mind races.

Been well now for years, thoght i wvs better, obviously not.

Hi, I haven't got any experience of bipolar but wanted to give you some support. Have you no one in your family who can help?

xx

Don't panic and don't focus on it.
DP is bipolar and I wish he was as aware as you are. I am usually the one to spot his phases.
Are you alone or do you have a partner?

I have a brilliant DH, he says he has been wondering for a week or so whether to mention that I seem to be getting high, but didn't want to interfere if I was just happy, iyswim.

Gah. I hate this - my DH shouldn't be worried when he sees his wife being happy fgs.

Other thing is, I have recently gone back to work for the first time since the problems were last bad - I think this means I can't do ft work. Fuck. Where does that leave me? I get dla atm (middle rate care) but it is about to run out and I'm not really getting treatment atm (as I've been ok) so I doubt it will get renewed and dh is on just above minimum wage so I wouldn't get esa either (and that wouldn't really work anyway as most of the time I am fine, I can often do bits of work, but can't hold down anything for very long, because stress sets me off)

Really don't want to go back on drugs- I had to have loads as anti-ds made me high, but anti psychotics made me depressed, so we had to mess with it for ages and I was always drugged up, then when I was bad I had to basically knock myself out :(

How do other people with bipolar manage on a day to day basis? I hate the idea of just writing myself off - I'm clever, I can be very creative and productive, but then it all goes wrong.

My head hurts :(

It sounds like there are a lot of things going on in your head. Try to separate them and rationally think them through so they are not going round and round for you.
Do not worry about your DH. He sounds supportive and understanding. I am in the same position as him as my DP has bipolar, and yes, I worry about him, but I would hate for him to feel guilty about it. It's part of him and I love him.
Money sounds like an issue. Benefits are a nightmare to try and work out. If you think you are ready to look for pt work, then do. It will give you something to focus on.
Could you try contacting a charity or organisation that deals with such things as bipolar and speak to someone, even over the phone, for some advice?
FWIW, I think mental health problems are more distressing for intelligent people who want to work because you can see what you want from life and feel like it's you that's stopping yourself.