Overwhelming guilt from working

[ChocolateBrownieGuilt]

Hi

I have a DC aged 2. Me and DP work full time in fairly full on jobs.

I've never been comfortable with this arrangment since going back to work 14mths ago.

The guilt eats and eats me up. I just want to be with DC and not leave at nursery. conversely I love love my job despite it stripping me of all my energy and sanity most of the time.

I cant go part time at the moment- DP wont hear of it. He is - very crudely put - jealous- why should I be the one to go part time. But he wont drop a day from work either.

The guilt is just building to a point of being seriously detrimental. I have odd thoughts about doing stuff to myself- like escapist thoughts of self harm- I know I wouldnt do it but its a release from the pressure.

I am not allowed to discuss how I feel with DP as he says that we discussed me being full time when I went back intially. He will reluctantly say "do it if thats what you want" but he doesnt support it and I couldnt justify losing 1 day/wk salary under that kind of dissapproval.

Im quite honestly at my wits end- totally consumed by guilt, frustration and lots of other things all at once.

PLEASE refrain from bashing me for being full time. That really wont help

Thank you rumpel.

He is jealous of me spending time with DC i think and just not going to work. Not really that it will be a rest. IYSWIM.

Thanks for posting. Im really going mad these days.

shamefully bumping

I feel for you, I have similar conversations with my dh, although it's not a financial option for me so it's a theoretical discussion.
If you can afford it, why not drop a day and suggest your DP do the same. If he chooses not to and you're not asking him for any support financially he's not really got a leg to stand on.
And fight for what you want, they're only young once. (I say this as a working mother who has hers in full time childcare).

I agree with the others. If it is financially viable for you to be part time and your work will agree, then I think it is the best solution. I'm afraid I think your DP just needs to deal with his own issues on this one - it's not fair for him to put his own feelings first. I've gone back to a demanding full-on job three days a week and have a 14 month old and it is really good for me, now I've got into the swing of it. Best of both worlds - you enjoy being at work and you enjoy being with your child, it doesn't become just routine. DP is happy with me doing it because he admits he wouldn't have the patience to spend a day with her on his own!