Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

Original poster

Can't stop crying

16 replies

sjm123 · 20/01/2011 14:54

I've been sat here all day, crying non stop. I can't stop. I've had to ask my ex to pick my daughter up from school because I can't manage it. It's going to really upset my kids when they get home if I'm in this state and I just can't stop :(

OP posts:

OhToBeFree · 20/01/2011 14:59

What is making you cry so much sjm?

madmouse · 20/01/2011 14:59

what's making you cry sjm?

sometimes the harder you try to stop crying the more you cry.

Take some really deep breaths in and twice as long out

Go do something to totally change your focus: have a shower, cook a meal, do the washing, play a really loud cd.

try to stop thinking 'I must stop crying, I must stop crying'

kayah · 20/01/2011 15:01

Is there anything you need help with?
I know I am on the other side of London, but can drive :)

Original poster

sjm123 · 20/01/2011 15:04

The state of my life at the moment mainly. 3 months ago me and the kids and my ex were all living together, making plans for getting married next year and life seemed to be going ok.

Now it's all ruined, I'm stuck in this flat day in, day out and never see any other adults. He hit me the night we split and I can't get past it, it's brought back all the abuse from the kids dad and I can't sleep and hardly eat. All our mutual friends are ignoring me because he's twisted things so much that everything is my fault, and he's some kind of saint for putting up with me as long as he did.

I've been referred to the CMHT as needing more support and quite frankly they're useless. I have a 5 minute appointment every 3 weeks, no therapy, no nothing. All they seem to want to do is chuck pills at me.

I just want my life back. I can't cope with this any more :(

OP posts:

OhToBeFree · 20/01/2011 15:13

whereabouts are you sjm?

kayah · 20/01/2011 18:21

do you think you have strength to say to people who are mutual friends that he hit you?

there's never any excuse for that, no matter what

Original poster

sjm123 · 20/01/2011 23:25

They already know he hit me. He's made it sound like I was so mental and unreasonable and he put up with it for so long that he just snapped and it's understandable. Fuck knows what he's said to make them all think that, it's not at all true and I just don't have the strength to argue it. I just feel like hiding forever now. I keep trying and it all just seems to get worse and worse.

I'm still sat here crying like an idiot, have been all day now. It's a good job he had my kids this evening so they haven't had to see much of me apart from between bath/shower and bed for 5 minutes. My eyes are so red and swollen I look like I've been battered and I cannot stop crying. I'll have to send my little girl to school in a cab tomorrow morning at this rate. I can't go out like this, and if I show up at the school like it she'll be so embarrassed :(

OP posts:

NanaNina · 21/01/2011 13:43

sjm123 - are you on any medication as you are quite clearly very depressed and anxious. You mention "chucking pills at you" but when you are so low, they do work. You might have to try 2 or 3 different ones as they are all so individual and what suits one person doesn't suit another. They don't deal with the cause of the depression but they do treat the symptoms. They take a while to work but they should lift your symptoms so that you are able to make better use of other kinds of help.

I wouldn't worry about what your ex has said to others - you need to think of yourself at the moment and your kids.

Is there anyone in RL who can help.

I know how awful it is feeling like this because I have had 2 major episodes of depression and anxiety (both needing inpatient treatment in psychiatric hospital) and still not fully recovered from the last one last year) It's a horrid horrid illness and can only be understood bythose who have first hand experience.

Take good care and post again if it helps.

Original poster

sjm123 · 21/01/2011 13:54

I am coming off mirtazapine at the moment, and going back on citalopram after a week's break.

There is nobody in RL I can ask for help. We moved here with ex a few years ago for the better schools and I only know his friends and his family in the area. I'm completely on my own all of the time and it's driving me mental. I did get out for a few hours last Saturday night and ex had the kids overnight, but the Sunday morning was just a million and one nasty texts from him and I just don't think it's worth it.

I've asked him to take my kids because I don't feel I can look after them at all liek this, and he refuses. I just can't take it any more.

I've been depressed I think since I was with my kid's dad, 8 years ago. He was very, very physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive to me and after we split he beat me so badly that he thought I was dead and left me there.

The night I split with recent ex he got physically violent with me and it's brought it all back.

I just fuck everything up, I can't keep on like this. I see no point in trying any more.

OP posts:

kayah · 21/01/2011 18:41

you should somehow find strength to find councelling locally
you've had too much on your plate and we all come to the point when is hard to carry on with our old state of mind

hope you are feeling a bit better tonight

strawberry17 · 21/01/2011 21:43

Nothing to add but (((((big hug))))). I really hope life gets better for you.

snowmash · 21/01/2011 22:00

Thinking of you, sjm123 - really hope the new ADs help and you can find support.

Original poster

sjm123 · 22/01/2011 02:01

I can't afford counselling, and as far as the CMHT are concerned an appointment every 2 weeks and some pills is enough.

I do have one night a month when recent ex has the kids, and I make that a me night, but all that involves is acquaintances and the odd night out. The odd night of superficial silliness just seems to highlight just how alone and without support I am the rest of the time. I'd kill for some family to be there to help me right now, or someone I could talk to properly. I can't get it out and talk to anyone and it's killing me.

OP posts:

kayah · 22/01/2011 20:44

I PM'd you
did you get my message?

snowmash · 22/01/2011 21:01

Have you tried the Samaritans to talk to when you feel like you really need someone right now?

NanaNina · 24/01/2011 13:37

sjm - seems like you are suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome after the abuse you have suffered, as well as depression. How old are your kids - presume your recent ex is not their father but he is willing to look after them now and again? When you say you moved for better schools, is there any chance you could move back to where familylive if there is anyone.

I really do feel for you and wonder if this feeling state you are in is the aftermath of the recent split with your ex and will improve as time goes by. Sorry that sounds a bit glib.

Samaritans are excellent at listening and will let you talk for as long as you like so I would try that if I were you. Can you tell any of these acquaintances how you are really feeling, or do you just try and hide it from them. YOu never know what people have been through themselves, and might be able to give you more support if you can open up to them about your situation.

Sending you warm wishes

Flip