Overloaded

[swedishmum]

Hi
Normally I muddle through but this week everything's got to be too much and I've reached saturation point. Nothing in itself is major, it just all adds up.

Dh works abroad - has for years but I'm still adjusting back to it after the 8 months we spent as a family earlier this year. Doing everything for 4 kids from 11 to 1 is starting to wear me down - days are very long. Mum saw her oncologist today - not heard from her yet but news will not be good. After 9 years they won't operate again. Very good friend phoned today to say his mum had died. We live in the middle of nowhere - I miss city life (museums, art, sushi...). Dd2 hates her teacher. I'm trying to do a postgrad course and baby has given up naps. Main problem right now - puppy. He's broken my normal enthusiasm for life. Hate taking him out to poo before I even get my coffee. Hate him pooing in the garden. Baby wary of him. I've done no housework for ages. I feel really pathetic but have no brothers/sisters to share with. I have enough money (well, sort of), 4 gorgeous children, so why do I cry all the time and hate the way my life has turned out?

Hi Swedishmum. Is it your life has became routine. The routine of a family. Minus the loved dh. Maybe if he was there it would be different. It sounds like you are isolated apart from your dear children. I can imagine after dh spending 8 months with you and family it would be re-adjusting all over again.
I highly recommend talking on this site. The ladies here are awesome words of wisdom. Plus its nice to feel that someone cares. Plus you can say what you like and no one laughs - or if they do who cares! they cant see you!
i am here at odd times if you ever wanna chat. i must be the only aussie on this site with a screwed up schedule in my life! means i am online at bizarre times in comparison to everyone else.
i send a big hug anyway
xxx

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Sorry to hear this Would you consider giving the puppy away or asking the older children to look after him in return for pocket money?

Hi - thanks for your kind messages. Not quite so bad today - the evenings are always the worst, aren't they? I've even tidied up the sitting room. I'd love a cleaner but we are so isolated that when we had one before I had to drive 7 miles to collect her then the same again a few hours later! Maybe I'll see how much agencies charge...
The baby slept for a while today so I got some work done. Unloading on here obviously helped me. I know how much writing stuff down helped me a few years ago when our baby died.
There's no way I could get rid of the puppy - ds would hate me forever! I did have a few thoughts about it at 6.30 this morning though.

Thanks again - will try to escape for a while over the weekend even though it's not fair on dh - he has a stressful job as well.

Your dh will understand. Time away can work wonders. I hope you enjoy x

Understand? Don't think so. We seem to be having one of those arguments where it's all my fault, though as I'm not giving in, he's now told the kids he's moving to Ireland and who do they want to live with. He's a total xxxx - no wonder I feel put down and depressed lots of the time.

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oh you poor thing! what a wanker! excuse my language. men get into such a blindfolded way. that they are the breadwinner. they never quite realise do they that their support emotionally could never have a dollar sign equal to it. i hope you are ok.

hugs xxx

swedishmum, this is only to make you smile..... coz we all need to smile during these horrible times, a small smile can help just a little. does xxxx mean the "c" word. Coz I tell ya what when I'm really mad (gee that seems alot lately) I use the "c" word. And it makes me feel better. Sorry if that was the wrong time to say that. take care x

I'm getting really good at rude words, gravity - I use them all the time, but only under my breath!
Things calmed down yesterday. Dh was washing up before 7am. Fortunately the middle 2 seemed to take daddy's outburst as him just going off to work after they'd calmed down initially, and dd1 obviously thought he's being an arse again. I think he's lived in hotels for so long he's not used to family life any more. Not making excuses for him but he needs to get used to taking out the stress of work somewhere else. Maybe I should sign him up for one of Tony Blair's parenting classes... Also I look forward to weekends so much that they always disappoint. Didn't help that ds and baby got bad colds too - at least she threw up on her dad not me, ha ha!! Just had a tutorial on the phone while 2 children coughed and moaned in the background. At least the dog didn't wee overnight. Dh gone for another week.

Thanks for all your messages - it really helped to offload some anger

yay! a smile! am glad to see you slightlt happier...... MEN!!!! I think these message boards are such a help. it is good to write exactly how you feel! and to be understood rather than responded to by some caveman getting all defensive!!!

Gravity, just flipping through threads and realised what a horrible time you're having. Extra special thanks for your support right now. Hope things aren't going too badly for you.

i think it may be just one of those years for me! lucky lucky lucky!
nah, i am having a really crap time. just got up an thinking what can this woeld throw at me today!
i miss my dad something cruel. i miss the relationship i thought i had, which now i think i'm just blocking him out.
got so angry at dh last night. i went to bed at 1030pm because our ds has a bad cold and his cot is upstairs. all i wanted was a hug. but what does dh do, i'll be up soon hon and then he sat up watching rugby..... while i fumed.
little brains i tell you!!!!!
hope your ok. how are the kids, the peeing puppy, the dh. he's not still threatening you with ireland i hope?
hugs x

i think it may be just one of those years for me! lucky lucky lucky!
nah, i am having a really crap time. just got up an thinking what can this woeld throw at me today!
i miss my dad something cruel. i miss the relationship i thought i had, which now i think i'm just blocking him out.
got so angry at dh last night. i went to bed at 1030pm because our ds has a bad cold and his cot is upstairs. all i wanted was a hug. but what does dh do, i'll be up soon hon and then he sat up watching rugby..... while i fumed.
little brains i tell you!!!!!
hope your ok. how are the kids, the peeing puppy, the dh. he's not still threatening you with ireland i hope?
hugs x

Don't get me started on men! I hope your ds is feeling better tonight.
I'm going to plan something nice and family-ish for the weekend - not quite sure yet. Have decided that we are both so knackered by the weekend that we pick on one another.
My mum isn't mentioning the "C" word (she's always been like that) but is obviously hugely unwell. Moving right now seems stupid - they are looking at somewhere with no steps and we are going to do the mortgage. I think dad would feel lost in the new area alone, but don't know how to put it to them (we're not particularly close) as they seem to be blanking mum's cancer for now.Aaaaargh! Need to go down the garden and scream!

will do you a deal! you scream from your garden and i shall from mine. somewhere between the uk and austr. they will meet!!!

i know what you mean about the picking on each other routine. god my dh makes me wild at times. but i know its coz i am so edgy at the moment.

other than the steps, is there any other reason why your folks are moving? i get what you mean, about a new area affecting your dad.

It sounds like maybe they are in complete denial??
as much as my dh pisses me off, i love him with all my heart. i hate to think what type of emotional time your mum and dad must be going through trying to accept this.

Did you hear my scream ? They are definitely in denial but as the estate agent is so useless I doubt their house will ever sell anyway. They don't want to move far away, it just seems pointless as dad would be further from his tennis, his choir etc. They've never really settled anywhere - by the time I left school I was living in my 10th house and altogether I went to 6 different schools before I was 11! It's mainly mum - she's never really been happy or relaxed.

it pierced my ear drums!!! you hear mine?? nearly lost my voice doing it!!!!!

my god! that is alot of moving. what a horrible thing to go from school to school and make friends each time!

i hate moving!already moved once this year!once last year! when we moved last year was just pregnant, and this year was 7 months pregnant! Awful!

maybe a good thing the estate agent is useless.....

how is everything on your home front? dh? kiddlies? pooping puppy?

Yeah! What a good scream! Hope you feel better after that.
Puppy still poops - he did something today that is too vile to contemplate. We're starting our puppy training next week so I'm giving it 4 weeks. Will see how it's going by then.

Dd1 tells me she really feels let down and not pushed by primary school. She feels the people at bigger primaries had a better deal.

hi.

sounds like dd is a smart cookie!

how is your day?