I want to stop my CBT sessions

[FingonTheValiant]

I posted on here some time ago about my disturbing thoughts and extreme fear of zombies/aliens/monsters and general apocalypse events (under a different name - PatheticIdiot).

I've started having guided CBT for it, we've had two sessions just trying to sort out what my problems actually are. The therapist chap says that I've got quite extreme phobias and fears and that I'm going to need further help after my CBT sessions are done, but that we're going to make a start while I wait for an appointment for that.

So he wants to do graded exposure and by next week I have to come up with a list of possible steps. I've spent a week thinking about it (based on some of his suggestions) and I just can't bear it, I really really don't want to do it. He suggested that I do things like watch horror movies and specifically zombie films, that I shut myself in the dark and stay in there for defined periods of time, and that I spend the night alone with the baby and then by myself.

I just can't.

I don't know what to do.

I've spent the nights by myself before and I always end up stressed out of my mind because I'm so scared and feel like crap the next day because my sleep is so bad.

I know I'm meant to build up to that, but the thought of having to watch a zombie film or any other horror film is freaking me out beyond belief.

I just think about films I've heard about (like paranormal activity or the 4th kind) and they scare me, I won't be able to watch them.

The thing is, I know I'm meant to do it as exposure to zombies/aliens/ghosts etc, but I also can't bear to watch violence, and some of these films are so violent.

But if I stop going nothing will help.

Sorry to have rambled on, I just need to vent it, and I have no idea what to do. I don't want to go next week, I just want to run away and hide :(

Fingon, I think your therapist is doing the 'face the fear' thing. It can be very successful, if you can do it.

If you're not ready yet, try something else. For example are you able to distract yourself? I have a friend who had a code word that he used when he got an intrusive thought and that reminded him to do something like read, ring someone up, sing etc to distract himself. He tried to have a zero tolerance approach to the thoughts - just would not allow them in. He wasn't always successful, but the more energy you feed them by giving them attention, the harder they are to put down.

I expect you and your therapist have discussed this, though, when you decided to go for the face-on approach.

Just by posting on here, reading other threads, you might be distracting yourself, btw. Hope it helps.

Good luck.

Fingon - I think this therapist is trying far far too early to suggest such "fear facing " things - in 2 sessions - I consider this entirely inappropriate. If you don't trust this therapist and are scared at the thought of going, then don't go - you must feel comfortable with a therapist if progress is to be made. I would phonehim or e mail and explain why you do not want to continue.

Please don't think this therapist is the be all and end all - there are many many good therapists out there and you will find one. It may take a bit of time (maybe seeing 2 or 3 before you feel you can trust one of them and feel comfortable, well as confortbale as you can be in therapy)

Where did you find this therapist. I can't believe someof his suggestions, they seem abusive to me. Try again - there are CAT (cognitive analytical therapists) who deal with the "here and now " issues and also the "then and there" issues, you know, what is happening now and how your earlier life may be affecting your feelings.

Google CAT therapists or go on British Assoc of Counsellors and Pyschotherapists and then you can find someone in your area. Most therapists use a variety of different therapies, dependent on the individual's particular problems. The most important thing is that you are able to have a good relationship with the therapist and can feel safe enough to open up and therefore get the help that you need.

Thanks for your input.

We haven't actually discussed any plans, he just told me that was what he thought we should do, and that those were some of the things he thought I should have on my graded exposure scale.

I was referred to "Time to Talk" by my GP, and he's the person that was assigned to me. He's not actually a therapist, he's something else, lower down the qualifications ladder, so he does this guided/assisted CBT thing. I think it's a proper therapist that I'll see eventually.

it's not that I don't trust him, but I'm not sure he's listened properly and has understood exactly. I think I was so relieved that he took me seriously I didn't correct him. I suppose I need to be more forceful when I talk to him.

I also think that he maybe hasn't understood how much doing something like watching a film would scare me, he seemed to think that would be one of the early steps.

I'll look at some other therapists, but I really can't afford to pay for it, and I'm not sure I can be referred to anyone else.

I'll also try a codeword and distraction in the meantime.

I'm not sure they'll be that bothered if I phone and say I can't face going. You can self-refer to them and they're very overused, so I think they'll probably just tell me not to bother.

Thanks for your advice.

DH thinks I have to go and that facing my fear of going to the session should be number one on my graded exposure list. He just wants me to be happier, so I understand why he's pushing me, but I wish he wouldn't.

Have you heard of NLP? That's very succesful for phobias.

I'm doing CBT online at the moment for a driving phobia. My psychotherapist rings me or I email him. Plus he can see how I'm getting on online. It is helping. It's called fearfighter.

Yes it is ridiculous.

Thanks everyone. I think I'll go next week and explain how uncomfortable I am with his plan, and how scared I am by the proposed steps.

I keep trying to think of ways to make it more graded, but I cant think of any smaller steps (iyswim) to put in at the beginning.

Has anyone done graded exposure? What kind of things do you start with?

I'm going to stop trying to think of some myself, I'm just scaring myself and getting very stressed by the thought of having to watch films and sit in the dark.

Oh, also he said I have to "sit in the dark and not think bad thoughts" as one of my steps. But I thought the steps were to enable me to sit in the dark and not think scary thoughts. If I could just do it off the bat I wouldn't have a problem.

I think we're going to have to rethink.

Thanks again.

What about looking at a picture when a friend is present and work up to looking alone? DS2 is phobic about buttons. He's 10 and it isn't getting any better. He'll be in yr 6 in September so not too long until he has to wear a lot of buttons! It's worse when he's eating tbh.

He (counsellor) doesn't sound very good to be honest.

I have had exposure therapy. On the one hand you will have to experience some degree of anxiety and do scary things. But some of the suggestions sound a bit off, its not a case of not having bad thoughts but of learning how to cope with them. Also being on your own is a sensible goal but do you really need to watch zombie films to lead a normal life

Hey, stick with it I have had CBT and no it did not work instantly but after suffering extreme anxiety and insomnia thought i had CJD.... here I am 4 years on and although I still get anxious now have the skill to keep my anxiety under wraps... it taught me some great coping skills good luck x

Thanks curiousmama, I'll put that on the list.

Totalchaos, I know I'll have to do some things that scare me, but watching films etc is a massive issue for me, and he basically wants to start with it.

I think we really need to communicate better. His idea was that I could start by watching films and work towards being able to spend 10 mins in the dark alone which "is a huge issue for me".

Actually, no, I'd much rather spend the duration of a horror film alone in the dark than watch a horror film. And as you said, I can get through life without needing to watch a film.

What I want to be able to do is go to bed at night without being scared out of my mind, and I think watching films will make that worse rather than better, it certainly won't teach me to cope, I've never been able to process and cope with horror films.

You need to explain to him how you are feeling - the hierachy wont be much use if things are in the wrong order, or if you are extremely frightened of everything on it.

Try looking into NLP (neuro linguistic programming) it's amazing for phobias.

Fingon since having my dd I don't like watching horror films, I really don't think you need force yourself to do that! It sounds more like you need to somehow distract yourself from worrying thoughts. Why don't you ask him to help you with some distraction techniques. The CBT is to help you, so you can guide the pace of it. If you don't agree with some of the therapists suggestions that is fine.

my god curiousmama - I have the same phobia and I am 67! I can't even say the word and hate to hear it said. Have never ever heard of anyone else with the same phobia. Obviously I have to cope with them, I can just about, IF they are attached to something but if they are not I can't touch them.

I once went to a friend's house and her little daughter was playing with a hige basket of them and I had to make an excuse and leave!

I have a vague idea where mine comes from but it is only vague - needless to say my family think it's an absolute hoot. Neither do I like any small round objects and when my boys were kids I hated picking up marbles or having to play games with tiddlywinks.

I've never confessed all this to stranger before!!

Sorry Op for hi-jacking your post - was just so gob smacked I couldn't resist it.

NanaNina read this may ring some bells? I read some of the stories to ds2 and it made him feel better. Not sure how you pronounce the name though? *koumpounophobia

Also sorry for hijack OP

WOW Curiousmama - I cannot believe that it is a recognisable phobia - that will certainly be something I will tell my kids. I couldn't make much sense of the link though - where did you find the stories. I will google koumpounophia and see what else I can find out. Am amazed...........sorry again OP.

Curiousmama - I've found them now - didn't realise you had to scroll down -am not too good on IT! But the stories, apart from having to read the word so many times, were amazing because there were so many people like me. Haven't read them all, but the hand washing stuff and seeing them lose on the floor and having to use a wad of tissues to pick them up and chuck them etc, is me. I will do anything rather than say the word - my DP knows and calls them fasteners!

Can't thank you enough! Sorry again OP - promise not to do it again!

So sorry NN that your phobia is so bad Have you had any therapy? The online CBT that i'm doing is good for phobias fearfighter. You can get it through your gp if they have funding in your area? You're assigned a psychotherapist who calls you up.

Oh CM it isn't that bad really and nothing to the 2 major episodes of severe depression that I have had, the last one in April last year and was admitted to psychiatric hosp for 3 months, and am still climbing the recovery hill. I can go for weeks feeling ok then I have a "blip" and the flatness and anxiety is back and I there don't seem to be any triggers. I have no way of knowing how long it will last or how bad it will be, so don't feel in control of my life. Fortunately have a wonderful CPN who has introduced me to CBT for my dep/anx.

It was just that I have never ever heard of anyone else having the b........ phobia and it was very re-assuring to know that I wasn't alone and it was quite a common phobia. But compared to the dep/anx it is nothing, but thanks for your concern.

Am glad you have a good CPN Depression is an awful illness and like you say can kick you in the bum at anytime?