Started on AD's today for the first time in my life.

[Esme69]

I started citalopram today, 20mg, after breaking down in front of my gp yesterday.

I have always been prone to worrying and an anxious person, (though always have been very sociable despite that) but the last 2 years or so, I just feel I have been getting steadily more anxious, and worse than that, never seemed to smile much. Bit by bit I have lost interest in everything that used to interest me, have become very touchy, over analysing everything people say, have become very critical of myself and everyone else, there is anger there too quite a lot, have stopped enjoying and looking forward to things, and just basically I dont like myself like this.

I have had marital problems, and now wonder how much of these problems was down to my low moods, sensitivity, negativity etc. I suppose I will only find that out when my mood goes back to normal, but I am really hoping that these tablets will give me back a sense of perspective and calmness that can only help me in my relationship.

Also, have had 5 kids in ten years, youngest two, and though I have never had (or been diagnosed with) PND, i wonder how much of this is attributable to the challenges of parenthood, I do know that my anxiety increased a thousandfold with the birth of each child, worrying about something happening to them etc.

So, just wanted to post this as have never posted in Mental Health before and if anyone out there can relate to this and maybe share their experience with me, that would be great, thanks.

I didnt want your post to go unanswered. I have no experience of the drug, as I have never been prescribed medication, although I am sure I need it as I sound like you. I definately think that having children does add to anxiety issues, and I am the same with the constant worrying.

Let us know how you get on with the citalopram. I hope it works well for you.

dont worry hon, i have had mental health probs for many years and when i cut down meds or things get bad marrage probs arise - you always take it out on those closest to you, it gets hard to be rational when you dont feel good - the best thing is to try and do a list - what mark out of 10 you feel with 10 being good, the main feelings you have - ie anxious, scared , sad etc, then which is the main feeling ie the anxious one, then why you feel that, then what would stop you feeling like that then re mark yourself out of ten for how you feel, the best thing for marrage probs is to write it down in aletter - ( I was soooo embarrased doing this and put it off for ages but when i did it i gave it to him then went out for few hours and left him alone so he had to think about it) it sounds daft but my husband now understands that he has to bear with me and all my emotions are not directed at him- it will get better dont worry!!! if i can do it you can xx hope it helps xxx

Thank you both.

lucybrad, looking back with the benefit of hindsight I wish that I had gone to my gp with thie a lot earlier, like, years earlier.

I know that all mothers worry, but mine was more than that. And it wasnt just about the kids either, I over analysed my marriage to death, was massively over sensitive the whole time, was angry a lot, and felt impatient with other people, even friends, just fed up, with everyone, all the time.

The touchy, angry, fed-up type feelings developed overtime, but the anxiety and stress has been quite bad for a long time.

Hopefull citalopram will help me get perspective.

PINKYP - Thanks I will try that, i think it would help us.

Hello Esme

I started on ADs on Monday, Sertraline 50mg. Many things you have posted ring true with me. Only two DCs myself, it must be very stressful with 5!

I had my own post a week or so ago asking whether anyone thought I may have depression when I posted my symptoms. As always, MNs were very hepful and encouraged me to see someone.

It took a lot of courage to go and see the Dr but she was lovely. I sat for about 5 minutes when I first went in not saying anything as I couldn't find the words.

Anyway, hoping to feel better soon and these work for me.

Hoping yours work for you too. Maybe we can keep in touch and let each other know how we're doing, seeing as we're on different ADs too??

Yes Ohtobefree that would be great, either on this thread or through pm if you prefer. Hope the ad's help you. I know its very easrly days yet, but just knowing I have taken a first step seems to help. Though I am feeling pretty tired but I think that is a normal side effect.

Hi Esme

I'm not feeling tired as such, well no more than normal as I usually feel washed out, the day that I took the first tab I felt sort of woozy in the afternoon, like slightly drunk but nothing that would have stopped me doing things or anything like that. Felt fine yesterday and today I'm in work and so far have felt a bit sick earlier on but that might have been cos I was hungry!

Still feel super down though, although not expecting anything yet. The Dr did say it would take a good month to kick in and I could poss feel worse before getting better

Ohtobefree - I feel so exhausted but not sure whether that is due to my not sleeping properly, (which I suffered from anyway before I started these) or whether the AD's are making feel so lethargic and sleepy. Apart from that, just a few headaches. TBH I will put up with almost any side effect if it means I can get out of this depression. Am going to give it a couple of months and when I feel a bit stronger I am going to get counselling or CBT. Have you thought of any therapy like that yourself? I believe it is meant to be very effective when coupled with drug therapy.

Morning Esme, yes I think I do need counselling but it would have to be a referral from GP as couldn't afford it otherwise! I sometimes battle with myself you see, sometimes I feel really strongly about something and driven but then a while later completely change my mind, it's crazy and I get so upset with myself, the saying 'don't know whether I'm coming or going' is really true with me at the moment.

I'm glad I've finally got help now though, relly need to get some focus on my life and get my Ex-P out of my life for good because I know he has the ability to effct me in so many ways.

How you feeling today?

Hi,hope you are both feeling ok today, I went back on citalopram last Sept after a fairly horrendous year and I know it works for me.

Esme, hopefully in a few days the citalopram will sort out your sleeping problems, I know it does for me.

ohtobefree your GP should be able to give you a tel. number you can use to self refer yourself to the right dept for counselling. There are also computer based courses you can do either at your local library or on-line (living life to the full is often talked about as being good).

Feeling woozy and sleepy and a bit detached is quite normal in the early stages, as you get better you should start getting more energy. I find at this point it is important to still take it easy if you can otherwise you can overdo things and tire yourself out.
HTH

Hello Elk, that's helpful thank you. I hadn't heard about the library courses so will definitely look out for those.

I did pay for one session once and I used to work somewhere that had an inhouse one who I saw twice. This was about 4 years ago now (shows how long all this has been going on for me) but I just felt what I was saying wasn't true, I was making stuff up and I was not saying the right things so left feeling frustrated. The one I paid for was £50 per hour and she kept getting distracted by something in her house and got up twice to answer the phone, she told me that I seemed confident and well spoken and I left that one feeling like I was stupid so from that have always thought perhaps counselling wouldn't work for me.

Feeling a bit bleugh today, just tired-didn't sleep well, got a bit of a sore throat and didn't have time to was my hair this morning so feeling a bit gross IYSWIM.

I can relate - wish I'd gone to the GP two years ago.

I hope the citalopram helps, and you only get transient side effects if any.

Hi Ohtobefree, just getting back now, my laptop is broken so having to use my dh's when he is not using it for work.

Dont feel any different really. The headaches have settled down at least, but still feel the same anxiety and flatness..

Just have to wait a couple of weeks for it to kick in I guess.

Hope you are feeling well.

Hi Esme

Same for me really. No side effects as such I don't think, although had a bit of an upset stomach yesterday.

I'm still finding everything such a massive effort to do, I sat and stared at the mountain of washing I have to do and just felt like it was impossible! How silly does that sound........

Although I have lost 2lbs which I am glad about so did have a little smile about that!

Hope you are OK x

Hello Esme, I could have written your post myself back in October, I had been suffering depressive symptoms for about a year and only went to the GP when I started getting horrendous anxiety. I could literally work myself up about tiny little things and end up in panic attacks or feel like I couldnt breathe. Horrible. I would look round the house and just be overwhelmed at how much stuff I needed to do and want to cry.

I went to the GP and was prescribed 20mg citalopram. Noticed the effects after about a month. I dont feel over the moon happy but most importantly for me I have got motivation back and have got my 'get up and go' back. Before I could have stayed in bed for a week not wanting to talk to anyone or see anyone. I certainly dont feel like that anymore. The only side effect I had was a dry mouth and that passed after a couple of weeks.

I still get anxious thoughts pass through my head but they go very quickly and I dont dwell on them. The house is still messy but now I dont really care

Hope you get on ok with the tablets and you start to notice a difference soon x

Thanks Ninjanurse, good to hear that the tablets have made a difference for you, on them nearly a week now, hope to start feeling a bit better soon.

Ohtobefree - No, it doesnt sound silly, sometimes the smallest tasks seem like huge undertakings, and lately even more so as I feel so tired most of the time.

Havent noticed any weight loss myself, am eating just the same as ever, but probably just as well, if I lose any weight it all comes off my face, and I just look gaunt!

One week on the pills from tomorrow, looking forward to feeling better, hope you are feeling good.

xx

Hi Esme

I'm doing OK I think. Guess I'm feeling better as I'm motivated to get out of the house a bit more. Taken the dog for some lovely walks and he's happier for it .

Just trying not to think of too much as I tend to get a overwhelmed with it all if I just think of everything.

Although nothing major as yet. Been on them over a week now so fingers crossed.

I'm due on the end of this week and sort of dreading that as I sometimes get pretty bad ones and I get really down so hoping I'll be OK.

Hoe you doing??