I don't know what to do

[snowmash]

I saw a psychiatrist earlier this week, and she asked what she termed difficult questions.

Nobody has asked me for summarised details of my childhood before.

Since this I am getting very strong, frightening thoughts that he will come and get me and kill me.

I don't know what to do - can hardly ask her secretary to ask if she will promise not to tell

Can you clarify your fear? Do you fear (irrationally or not does not matter) that she will contact him and then he will come and find you?

The fear can stil lbe so real. My close supporting friend used to say 'He can't hurt you now, he's in the past'. Oh yes? Doesn't feel like it!!

Yes. She is a doctor, he knows all the doctors because he works in the same centre, so he would alawys know if I told them. Then he would make me be dead.

Is he a medical professional with access to your files?

Snowmash - am a bit confused - you say you are "getting very strong" but at the same time are afraid that he (whoever he is) will come and kill you.

It is important for you to know that all doctors (including pyschiatrists) are bound by something called the hypocratic oath, which means that everything that is disclosed to them, has to be kept confidential. If a doctor refers you to a psychiatrist he or she will obviously say what the referral is about i.e. your symptoms and difficulties BUT this does not mean that this will be repeated to anyone else.

When you say he knows all the doctors - is he a doctor- whether he is not dooes not mean that he will be told. Does the psychiatrist know how scared you are and are you having any treatment.

Do you have any support in your life, friends, relatives etc.

Take care and post again if it helps. There are many people on these MH posts to support you.

If it makes you feel better to say 'please please don't tell' - then say it. They will reassure you about confidentiality and so on.

I made my therapist swear that if my mother phoned her to tell her All About Me and the Stories I Tell - she wouldn't listen or take the call. This was a very real fear to me, my mother is (was) a nurse.

To be honest if I were you I would consider going to the police (he can't touch you then, that would be a one way ticket to jail for him) however only you know the details of your circumstances and if that would be advisable or safe for you. Is suspect that after questioning by the police he would be suspended from work. I understand how scary all that is though - I have never contacted the police about any of my abusers.

Do you have friends you can talk to in real life, not about this, I mean to go out for coffee with, stay in for pizza, just chat?

It's irrational (I know he can't know all the doctors, but that's what he used to say)...but I keep getting very strong feelings that way now.

I don't know how to explain it either - need to put it in the past tense as it doesn't make sense.

I am signed off so it's difficult (friends revolve(d) around 12-14 hour days).

Thanks...

Don't worry about being irrational - not many of our fears are rational. I should know - I have zombie ishoos, I hoard tinned food and check the doors are locked far more than is healthy

So what you are feeling actually makes perfect sense.

I feel like it's the leftover fear from my childhood carrying on into my adult life - I have a lot of flashbacks, especially emotional ones, and I suspect I have Complex PTSD.

I have my psychology appointment tomorrow so I am right there with you... Keep talking snowmash.

Ask whatever you need to ask in order for you to feel safer.

They have heard people ask before.

FWIW I have had psych treatment for attempted suicide miriad of childhood issues coming back to bite me in the bum. I saw a different GP and it does not go into details on the notes and all they knew was that I was referred, no details at all.

I regularly double check with my therapist that if I died whehter she would tell anyone what we had discussed. the answer is always no.