How can I overcome my fear of driving?

[GetDownYouWillFall]

This probably sounds ridiculous but I have this fear of driving that I just can't seem to shake. At first everyone told me it was just a confidence thing and eventually it would be like second nature.

It's over 10 years since I passed my test now and am still terrified every time I get in the car.

I can just about cope with familiar journeys now (e.g. my journey to work) but still dread it and have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

It gets embarrassing making excuses as to why I can't go to people's houses, and asking them to come to mine all the time. There are a few friends' houses I will drive to, but even though I've been there loads of times I still use the sat nav because I'm terrified of getting lost or having an accident.

Another friend has invited me over to her house - not been before - it's over half an hour away and am already freaking myself out about it a bit. To the point it's disturbing my sleep. I know that is so ridiculous DH made me drive there yesterday with him to have a "practise run". It went ok, but I still don't want to do it.

What is wrong with me? Why do I get so scared? I can't just seem to "get in the car and go" like most people do. I get so worried about route planning before hand in case I get lost. I also get really fearful about not being able to park once I get there. If there is ever a diversion or road closure it sends me into a panic.

Has anyone got any tips to overcome this? I have thought about giving up driving, but this seems such a cop out and it is a useful skill to have and I know I need it to drop DD places, get the shopping etc.

I have heard advice such as "feel the fear and do it anyway" is this the approach I should take? I just hate feeling so anxious about it all the time

[Grin]

oops !

Aww just found out a mate of mine who is also scared to drive did actually have a crash today . Nobody was hurt and minimal damage done but she's still really shaken. Even worse, it looks as though it was her fault.

Did actually tell her she must get in the car again soon and drive again, all the time feeling like such a massive hypocrite. I'd avoid driving even more if that had happened to me, I know.

I absolutely LOVE driving, but it took me AAAAAGES to learn to drive (I thought, anyway).

I didn't really start driving lessons until I was 25, after uni and living in a place with good public transport and not having much money, I had to have 2 goes at my test, and I was terrible at manoeuvres like parallel parking and three point turns for such a long time.

Now, 10 years later, I drive almost every day, in an MG sports car that I bought with a bequest from my lovely grandad's estate in 2007. I love my car, he's called Colin, and it's such a pleasure to drive. I do get lost sometimes, but I've been fortunate never to have an accident (except for the time when someone drove into my car in the works car park whilst I was teaching).

You are right, GetDown, bad things CAN happen when you are in the car, but the VAST majority of them are fairly minor, and need to be thought of no more once they are done, and that's got to be your mindset, I think. Consider all the journeys you have taken where nothing untoward has happened - you've gone from A to B as you would expect to.

The freedom to drive is so wonderful, especially when you live somewhere like we do that's off the beaten track. (I'm in Lincs). Don't turn it into something that you demonise - perhaps consider going out for a drive every now and again just for the pleasure of it (I know fuel is horrendously expensive, but it doesn't have to be far). Don't necessarily have a place "to go", just be out. It's worth a try.

Hi,
I also hated (and to some extend still do)driving- I used to get lost and phone dp up with real panic; I struggle with manoevering in small spaces, can't park unless lots of space etc.

Solutions:

• if I want to go somewhere my dp drives with me first, writes down instructions in a way I can cope with (my own code) - or use street view to actually see it for real
• practise it if it is a route I will need more than once
• a sat nav might help (I resist this as yet)
• oh and getting fit by parking away from where everyone else is!!
• having extra lessons for motorway - a very common thing - with a good empathetic teacher (screned on phone by my Daddy!)

• hope you can try some things to help you out, don't know if my list any use but thought it was worth typing out .

I can't be much help I'm afraid, but just to let you know you aren't alone - I have a terrble driving phobia. Mine is mostly centred around the idea that I will end up hurting someone else inadvertantly. I have spent years and years avoiding driving, but am going to have to start again in order to take DS to preschool (there's no way around it - I will have to drive). I've been out for several refresher lessons, and in all of them the instructor has been totally bemused about why I am there, as my driving is "perfectly good and very safe" etc etc. I just have such a mental block about the whole thing. Have read the posts above with interest and am going to try out some of the ideas. At the moment, it's severely limiting my life, and I really need to get over it and get back out on the road again.

I used to be like this. I had a crash while learning to drive and it really knocked my confidence. I also live in a rural area so driving is an absolute necessity.

I would avoid it at all costs and only drive where I knew etc.

What solved it for me was my DH going away for 10 weeks for work, I had a small baby, so suddenly had no choice but to do it. Now am ok on unknown routes and motorways. So I think the best way to overcome this fear is to just drive (even though I know that is not what you want to hear!)

thank you all for your lovely comments, it's so good to know I'm not the only one that feels like this.

Complete empathy as also got more and
More fearful- found someone who specializes
In this (is hypnotherapist and driving instructor). Has giebn me confidence and skill to get back behind wheel. Can cat me if you want details.

Eraic if you are lurking my experience similar (ok with instructor but rubbish alone but this has helped)

Thanks so much hardandsleazy I haven't signed up for the private messaging so can't unfortunately whereabouts in the country are you?

Driving is scary. I was 25 before I learned to drive, my DH had been a driving instructor for 4 years at this point! I insisted on driving places in his tuition car for ages instead of my own as he could stop me with his dual controls!

I'm shocked at the experience you had when you tried to get refresher/confidence building lessons. My DH takes on lots of Women (I'm not being sexist!) that haven't driven since passing their test and are nervous, its NOT an uncommon thing at all. He takes them on routes that they would have to do (school/drs/shops etc) and makes things like motorway lessons 'fun' (going to the Trafford Centre for coffee etc).

I think you just need an understanding instructor to go through things again with you, and to listen to your concerns. Once you have your confidence, you'll realise that you are a good driver, you wouldn't have been able to get through the test if you weren't!

link its a nationwide thing as guy travels- I listened to cds first before the day itself

Hi - another one here who hasn't driven since her test (18 years ago). I have a massive phobia about hurting people, not being able to stop, going at the wrong time at roundabouts.

I walk miles to avoid driving. I pay huge amounts for taxis. Just don't feel I can do it. Fortunately I have a very understanding dh. (e.g. goes and does the grocery shopping after he's been at work all day - when I've been at home half the day and a normal person would have just done it).

I get panicky just thinking about it. I sometimes feel terrified when other people are driving me places, especially if they're chatting and not really concentrating.

Am thinking maybe hypnotherapy?

Just to say you're not alone!

Maybe we should actually start a thread on this as all are sharing quite a lot.

Hypno a start for me

Yes Eralc. That is also one of my ishoos. Although I can definitely trace it back to an assembly we had when we were about 12yo when our junior head told us every time we got into a car we were getting into a lethal weapon. Thanks, sir. You've scarred me for life!

thanks for the link Hardandsleazy - very interesting, and they have an address in Hertfordshire, which is where I am!!

Do you know what though I am nervous to ring them in case he wants to take me on a motorway I know that's the whole point, but just can't face it!

Thanks to everyone who has shared things in common re. fear of driving, it really helps. It's silly isn't it to have this fear, I do feel it holds me back so much. Would love to be like DH who can just get in the car and go without so much as even worrying about directions / parking etc.