back to square one

[maighdlin]

i suffered from severe pnd after i had DD in aug 2009. everything was going well and there was even talk of discharging me from MH team at the end of the month however the past few days have been terrible, i have felt like im in a bubble all i want to do is sleep or cry. i have no patience for DD DH or Ddog. DH said something to me today and i ended up screaming and crying at him. I have even had my anxiety flashes of "something bad happening". i just can't do this again. i feel like im back where i was a year ago. i don't know why im like this again everything was going so well and today i felt like throwing myself down the stairs. i don't know what writing on forum will do but i barely made it out alive and everything was going so well i started uni even had a few nights out with shock horror clean hair and make-up on, yet i'm back where i started without the self harming, but thats not 100%

U need to speak to your care coordinator straight away and get the support u need to see u thro this latest patch. dont try to go it alone, get on the phone to them immediately and get a visit in place

Is it possible that you are scared/worried about being discharged? As much as you want it to it isa big step and can give you a bit of a wobble. I know I wobbled when I finished counselling even though I was ready.

Thats a good point madmouse. Doesn't it seem backwards that your rewarded for getting better by everyone pulling away and you loosing support!!!!

Please don't panic!! you're not back where you started. The fact that you're not self harming is AMAZING and you have tons of experience to fall back on. Its ok to have a few bad days or even weeks. Don;t be hard on yourself. If you've done this before, you can do it again. The fact that your noticing the early warning signs means you can act now and prevent what happened before.

Go and get the support you need.
xx

maighdlin I completely understand where you're coming from with the 'back to square one' syndrome. PND is a nasty beast of an illnes with its trickery and snakes and ladders road to recovery.

Like everyone has said, it's important you're honest and open re: getting the support you need. But it would also be good to think about how far you've come in the last year - what you've done before you can do again.

I've had pretty severe PND since my DS was born in Aug 2010 and am having a bit of a dip week so I can totally empathise with your situation.

Be kind to yourself, keep talking about it and in the words of Gary Barlow (OMG am I actually quoting him) have a little patience. You can do it x