Serious Anxiety

[LauLauLemon]

I'm 6 weeks PP with DD2 and I'm experiencing some serious anxiety. Around 2 weeks PP with DD2 I started experiencing terrible night terrors, random bouts of crying, thoughts that SS were going to come and take away my DD's because my flat wasn't clean enough so I would work myself to the point of exhaustion making sure everything was neat, clean and organised (all while in tears), I'd stay up all night to watch DD2 as I was terrified she'd stop breathing in her sleep and I was terrified DF would leave me for someone more attractive.

4 weeks on, I'm not doing much better. I still clean manically to make sure nobody can say a bad word about the flat, I'm still worried that DF is going to cheat on me even though he's constantly telling me how much he loves me, how attractive I am, how I'm a great mother, how much he's looking forward to marrying me this year and has never given me any reason to doubt him whatsoever. I should have 110% trust in him but I can't help feeling terrible which in turn makes me feel worse for not trusting him. I'm still petrified of SIDS since DD2 is still so very young and don't get more than three hours of sleep per night.

On the whole, I am very happy. I don't feel depressed. I am not in a great financial situation thanks to redundancy but we're getting by on DF's wage but we're happy. We have a great relationship, DD1 is amazing, DD2 is thriving and adorable and I know I am very lucky and people have it so much worse than I do. I just can't shake this anxiety.

Does it sound like PND even though I'm happy and caring well for my DD's? It's just a lot of anxiety rather than severe depression.

I have a GP appointment on Friday but I wanted to post and get your opinion and experiences too.

It certainly sounds like extreme anxiety!! Sorry you feel like this. I'm glad you are going to the GP. Please be very honest to him/her and not ashamed of how you feel.

I can at times get as worked up about you get and the last time (which was less than 24h while ds was in hospital) left me totally exhausted!

I am normally in favour of treating the anxiety rather than accommodating it, but if the fear of SIDS is keeping you awake and you think you would sleep much better if you were not so scared (which would help you cope better with everything!) you could consider this - they are not cheap, but we had one for ds for medical reasons (he did stop breathing a lot during his first few days) and it is terribly reliable until your baby starts rolling around the cot a lot.

something went wrong there with one sentence

I can at times get as worked up about things as you get

I meant

usually about ds!

I bought a Tommee Tippee movement and sound monitor when she was 3 weeks old. I've had a few false alarms with it where I've taken her out of her moses basket and forgot the alarm was on but it's been a brilliant sleep aid. That is the only way I'm getting three hours per night, to be honest. I still wake up scared and have to rest my fingertips on her chest to feel her breathing to put my mind at ease. I keep thinking the power might have failed and it didn't detect her not breathing. It's all encompassing anxiety that's not doing me or my family any favours.

I'm definitely going to speak to my GP and be very honest. I know there are medications I can take while breastfeeding if needs be and I really am looking for a quick fix to this as it's affecting my work life (I work from home so it seems that it amplifies my anxiety even more when I can't give DD2 my entire attention for a few hours when she's asleep).

How do you quell the anxiety in your mind? Are you on medication?

No I'm not on medication - my anxiety is part of PTSD for which I have had a lot of counselling and most of the time I'm fine now. I know when I overreact and tend to take it to other people, like my DH or a good friend - I tell them I'm so anxious about xyz and actually listen to what they have to say.

I guess I use some cognitive behavioural techniques as I reason 'DH is not worried about ds, DH is totally besotted with DS, if there was anything to worry about DH would be worried'.

It usually works to some extend. I do always have Rescue Remedy tablets with me.